I couldn't remember how you liked your coffee
which was strange—I made it every day
Do you like it with sugar? Or just plain?
Would you still have drunk it either way?

I couldn't remember the last time you said goodnight
When you'd crawl into bed and kiss my cheek
Now we sleep like strangers sharing a bed
We barely even touch, we barely even speak

I couldn't remember the last time you felt like home
The way your presence filled up the place
Now the distance is growing like a chasm
And your silence has taken up the space

I couldn't remember how this all started
When there are no words left to say
I don't know how to fix  it—or if I ever will
How strange—to love you less than yesterday

when I was six,
I always asked my mom
to check under my bed
she'd smile, tuck me in
and say, “it's all in your head”

the monster—in my mind
hid in the shadows
and kept me awake
left me with an uneasy feeling
I just can't seem to shake

but when I grew up
I didn't fear monsters
not anymore
so I got on my knees
and laid my head on the floor

the monster stared back at me
its eyes colored crimson
but they were meek
not scary, not daunting
just a little weak

it gently reached out to me
with slender fingers
sharp claws in its end
it didn't feel like a foe
but almost like a friend

I found comfort
within the darkness
made peace with the unknown
the monster—wasn't so much of a monster
on the days I felt all alone

sun-kissed hair
seaside air
living life
without a care

soft gaze
September haze
a peaceful state
to spend my days

the journey is long
the road is unfamiliar
and the silhouette of trees emerge like beasts

my car is shabby
and the nights are rough
as I navigate my way through rugged streets

I find myself
in a different scene
in a place with faces so strange and new

and home may seem
miles and miles away
but home is never too far with you

Stifling. Silent. Still.
No footsteps down the aisle
No bells. An empty ring.
A warmth I haven't felt in a while

I broke into them in our living room
"They're perfect," you said
With a gentle caress to my knee
And a delicate kiss on my forehead

But now they're collecting dust
By the mirror, where they sit
The laces have worn out
And the soles barely fit

I had it all pictured in my mind
The vows. The kids. The locks of gray.
Like a dream so close to my reach
But I just couldn't make you stay

Stifling. Silent. Still.
Like the heels I'll never wear
Empty. Eerie. Erased.
It was like you were never there