I do not know why the caged bird sings,
nor why I chose to stay inside on
the sunniest day of the year.

There were no birds, no songs, and no cages.
Only shadows of your house on the backyard.

I'd do a lot for a little
bit more than your eye contact.
Compact as you sway.
Staying away. Staying away.
We get slightly close
then drift once again.
I leave only with your name
but it's one I didn't gain
from your mouth.

Everything but the present is a fond memory.

I read over St Peter and cry.

40 minutes until I board the plane.
12960 until I see you again.

i consume both love
and liquor in the dark of
Monday's Lucky Bar.

I drink away my problems
I drink away my happiness
I drink away my wallet

This new friend, who showed me
New ways of thinking.

She came much too often.
And then her eyes started bleeding.

I thought she only came when I was bored.
So I went out and bought a book.
But then I heard her over my shoulder.

I thought she was chained to my house
So I went out Friday night.
I saw her in the theater.

I thought she hated school
Where all those social butterflies gather
But then she sat with me in English.

I thought she only came out in darkness
But when I flick the lights on,
She is still here with
Bleeding eyes. Smiling.

clean for almost two years now
i stay up reading
a timeline of myself
high on ecstasy

i drove a long way for affection
but i didn't mind a meander
into side streets of self exploration

companionship not compatability

and the simple ******* twists i turned
the gentle buses rode

i tire of you

Kicked in the teeth, cut by my lovers
and there's nothing i can do about it—
not that i would have wanted to change it,
anyways. swallowed in sadness.


speaks of dreams and lives in madness
eyes like oceans, swallowed in sadness.
swallowed in sadness.

kissing pinot grigio
holding glass to cheek
refilling bottle, drop by drop
each milligram worth its weight in salt water

whatever omniscient is awake and
watching me join the 2am club
for a fifth night in a row
i hope you know i would love to watch you too

we learn such lessons from the loneliness
and remember nothing in the morning

this pillow talk is lost in translation from night to day

Rough love, soft love.
Choke me a bit, are you okay with that?
I guess it's what I'm used to.

Warm skin, heavy blankets.
I pray we don't end up like our parents.

"Run. And never stop."
She didn't say it,
She wrote it.
On an old platform we used to
cross our competitions
and
She won.
She always won.
And I told her as
she got on the plane
"Run. And never stop."*
Later, again,
I didn't write it, I said it to her
as she called me from the hospital payphone.

I wish I could show you all the words I wrote on my body
That you probably wouldn't approve of
(you enjoy the meaning—but not the idea).

But you don't want my skin anymore.
And that's fine.
That's just fine.

I, right again.
Wrong.
I, write again.

You mistook rock bottom for a mountain plateau, but you were happy, so we decided not to tell you for awhile.

We never make eye contact anymore—
But your friends and I do—
Which is weird—I don't remember them being the ones—who stuck a finger in my—

If you leave, please stay where you have left to.

So much inspiration,
I think I've found my
expiration.

Never wrote of you.
Maybe now I'll write for you.
So here you go, you.

You asked and I told you.
Seven is pretty high for eighteen but
It's my lucky number.

my resolution,
a false dichotomy: brown
eyes, or purple walls.

i wanted to say "i love you" last night (more than once)

but you are fading, i am opaque
and words will slip through you
like water in butterfly nets

"I don't know how you can be so high and low in the same night."

"It's easy. I'm just highly lonely."

clothes got soaked in rain.
dont know why i expected
them to smell like salt.

catching buses to try to catch you
seven second view through a window
know that i was always blind, but

365 days you've been on my mind
365 days you've been on my mind

Even though social networks have fallen away,
Lost in translational love.
I still exist in the closets of your mind
And I know you still open them.

high and dry
sober, sober, sobreity
all i ever wanted was to feel

slowly dying
but finally alive

sappy lately, maybe happy lately,
maybe lately just greatly lonely?

If I could I would live forever
inside a 10x10ft dorm room with walls higher than all your bottles could stack.

and when you

double space your lines apart

(equivalent to an inch

on the textbook you only use for

a surface)

there will always be a soft spot

in my heart

that i want you to call home

you ran around screaming
*"if life were a race
you came first to me—
but you gave me 9th place"

Your existence is drowning—
Possessing your breathe in depth
Spanning a minute into a lifelong
And only when your lungs collapse do you
Fly and break the surface into another new world
Another new ocean in which you will hide:
Close your eyes and refuse to inhale the tide.

the two second view of Jupiter over
the two hour night that I spent awake
with you

How my memory favors a
one night second over a
one night stand.

Dreams are always dressed in black.
The lack of you I do attack.
Night is where the mind can speak.
You're the only one I seek.
Sleek and steady, I once drew back
In myself I find a crack
But dreams are always dressed on black
And you're the only one I lack.

Pop-pop, rattle-bang
Red being the color of the carpet
In hasty prayers, upwards is forgotten
North, East, Smith & Wesson

'You were going 210km/h
when you headed into heaven.

I will alphabetize the authors of my insecurities and burn my Alexandria.

my mind telescopes to
the stars that once lined your skin—
who now form constellations
on the rings of
my eyes.

You said your favorite weekend was *** and coke
I should have known then, what you meant
when you said you also only drank
hard bar straight

Oh, look at us
who have burned entire cities
just to hold the sun in our hands.

Skinny green sea wave—
Runs until he can't find the shore anymore.
Runs until he can't see the sun.
It's calm on the waters.

It's not luck, lover
only privilege.