Timing couldn't be any worse
We were living in a makeshift flat
While barely making ends meet
But we always wanted a baby
So we were thrilled anyway

Yet life had other plans
Of loss and unbearable pain
As it does over and over again

Another year rolls
around.
Another step into the world,
out

there it is,
there it stays.

In front of me,
and I think;

What to do, what’s anew?
I could step into the downpour
and let the rain
fall down on me.

But I sit at home
Lay down
and let my mind wander.

What to do, what’s anew?

A million empty promises
I won’t see through.

My clothes are unclean,
My hair is messy,
My nails are uncut—you can see.
I know I was never an apple of your eye, never part of your tree.

But now my clothes are clean,
And I have learned to do some laundry.
My hair is *******, but sometimes, I let it be free.
You have started telling me I have become an apple of your eye,
And now a part of your tree.

All I wanted to say to you is—
Let me be. Let me be me...

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

I hide my behavior
to keep you safe.

I keep quiet
not to offend you.

I agree with you
to keep you happy.

I walk on eggshells
for you and
it’s never enough.

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

but when the truth
arrives at that
final moment;

jaws will drop
plates will shatter
dogs will growl

and
you’ll be long gone
after seeing what
a ghastly beast
I am

but for now

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

to keep us
together.

all that pain
and belittlement
you served me
day and night
when no one
was looking
made the little
man within you
feel much, much,
much bigger
but now you
stand before me
weeping
with no teeth
and the big man
within me
has forgiven you.