This is interesting
My heart is writhing
I desire to see him
But the thought of that being a reality makes me depressed
This clearly doesn't make sense
I think my anxious mind needs some rest

In his presence
I cannot breath
And yet, I do not want to leave
If a smile is all we exchange
I spend the rest of the day in a happiness I cannot explain

I soak in a bath of self imposed pain
And I very well think this negativity is vain
When he beholds me in his eyes I hope I seem sane
His merely speaking my name
Makes me fall a part
And I have to pick myself up in shame
I just cannot explain...

It's like dying and being reborn
Like being an exploding star
Cascading neuropeptides dancing with my human heart
Signals like fireworks go off in my brain
When he's near
And he can't hear the craziness going on inside,
but I still fear

But who am I
A teardrop traveling from my eye
As I witness the pain
and the truth in the lie

I want to sit all day and wrap myself within beautiful lies
And watch the sunrise
The truth makes me feel bare and scared
I couldn't manage it; I bar my ears from hearing truth
When it touches my ears, I just feel so confused

I've searched up and down and all around for this thing people call The Truth
Magnifier in hand like a sleuth
But it still eludes me, like it does everyone else
The world is moving and living
But I don't think I want to be apart of it...
Because the more I hear about what truth means to others
The more confused I become
I just want to meet someone with answers
This search deprives my life of fun!

With all this uprooting tradition and reasoning and overturning superstition and dogma,
The meaning that has imbued my life has waned
I'm a lost traveler searching for truth and a clear cut purpose.

Instead of hiding and numbing
I decided to engage
Sure, it's scary,
intimidating,
Vulnerable
But I rather engage with my heart beating rapidly and vibrantly
Than sit back in the sidelines
Making opinionated observations
As an excuse not to engage
So bring the good times,
Bring the storms
I want everything
I come unarmed.

The boxer has so much rage
Pacing to and fro in within the safety of a cage
She is bright, mighty and powerful on the stage
Where all wild inclinations can be un-caged

Her brain burns violent red
Her anger originates from her head
In the grasp of aimlessness she lay in her bed
In the grasp of torture she wishes to have her pain bled

Maybe if she could see pain in her opponents eyes
She would understand why
We all have this inclination to fight
Why we become ruthless and inhumane through the darkness of our life

If she caused someone else to bleed
Maybe she could conceive the victory
With her punches--In making someone small
With her kicks--In making someone fall

Being kicked down, beat, and unwanted
Is all she ever knew from birth to now
She just needed to understand her existence somehow
Picking fights on the street isn't allowed
So she chose to fight an opponent for a crowd.

The man I let go
Was not mine
He belongs to God
And so do I.

The day is grey
Saturday drowns with rain
It matches my insides
It wets the earth so I don't have to cry.

I hide under covers and believe in lies
Just to keep the sparkle persisting in my eyes
And I'm human too
But I like to solve people like puzzles
Offer free compassion for the weary
But sometimes I feel depleted
When I call out for help, no one can hear me.

Silliness is a game
From silliness I can't refrain
It washes away the pain
It keeps me sane

I laugh a little too much
Smile a little too much
Cry a little too much too
But I'm living this life only once
And if you were as well, wouldn't you too?

Happiness in a bottle cap
Where is my home?
Cause I'm never going back.

Bruised and bleeding knees
I stood still to befriend the bees
I stood as still as a tree

This mirror is fogged
But I can still see
The beautiful me
A halo of light surrounds my silhouette
My inner self I will never forget

I don't really care
About trends and fads
I am concerned with eyes and hands
Let's look each other's eyes
and reach out each other's hands
To support one another
To share love
To recognize the Oneness of everything.

Let's just do what we love to do
And forget the worries and anxieties that bog us down
Come on now,
Turn that frown upside down ;)

Touch space and time
With my fingertips
The ambiance carries me on a wave
Echoing vibrations crawl up my vertebrae

This music is untypical
Just take a sip of it
It's better than your daily drug
It's a kaleidoscopic hug
Increasing dopamine
Close your eyes,
This experience is unlike anything you've ever seen.

Take my hand,
We'll dance on top of this barren land
And give it life *again

I just wanna be me
Because that makes me happy

I wanna go down to the creek and dip my feet in water
Forget all the titles: Woman, sister, daughter

I'm gonna flash my pearly whites
And not worry if my joy is too bright

I'm gonna stride down the street with confidence
I'm going to accept and believe all the compliments

I'm putting doubt and fear to the side today
Because I just know, everything will be okay

I'm gonna be as carefree as the birds and the bees, the wind in the trees
I'm just gonna be me.

Where do I start
At the place I fell apart
Amidst a blizzard harboring a frozen heart
Pelted down by rigid rules
And sharp shards of thought
In that stark place, I wished on empty air
That true love would find me,
That just someone would care.

The snow melted
And jolly yellow daffodils emerged from the wet earth
The sun overpowered the sullen clouds of winter
And pushed the wintry season aside
So now with un-fogged eyes
I could see
Every single possibility.

I found what I thought was love
At a young and tender age
We kissed under the oak around the corner from my house
Cars whizzed by but we focused on each other's lips
And shared a cool, crisp kiss
And with starry eyes, we looked up to the sky
And blessed the God who granted us such bliss
The winter we did not think about,
The winter we did not miss,
The winter we had forgotten.

Side by side, hip by hip
Not a second ever a part
Each moment was never missed
We held on close, for fear of losing
The love that healed and warmed our hearts
But the entanglement became increasingly confusing
Less and less amusing
And we bruised each other's innocent hearts.

Tension increased, lies and manipulations through lips were released
Kissing was sparse
And arguments prevailed
Even in his presence I felt all alone again, in the hail
Internally frozen existing within our fiery hell
The closer we got the more we were jailed
By rules and restrictions
In fear, in fear of being left
But all the while,
Our fear was causing the theft
Of our love.

When it all came crumbling down
I never thought it would
It was the only thing I felt was going good
I had no one to turn to but the person I cut off
I fell into a depression
From my bed I could not get up
I existed within a cloud of smoke encircling my head
My heart strongly beat on, but I failed to notice or listen to my heart
I got into the habit of numbing
I didn't think I was fit for happiness
I thought I could attain joy if I overthought the method to attainment
But that just brought me farther away from it.

When I would ride in cars, I would unconsciously scan the streets hoping to see him
To get a peek at the life he led outside of our high school hallways
Once, while walking home, I saw him in the passenger seat of his mother's van
He looked dismal, he looked like he was anticipating happiness
Like he was trying to figure out the mathematical solution to joy
Another time, while in the car with my friend,
I saw him in the night
With his friends, donning a frumpy sweatshirt
He looked happy, he looked drunk
I pressed my face on the cold glass, straining my neck to look longer
My reflection struggled to look onto the barren winter night
That could provide me no consolation.

Today, I wonder if I ever knew him
If the depiction I created of him in my mind's eye was ever accurate
I thought he was so much like me
But when we separated, observing his behaviors, I felt like I couldn't relate to him
And the more I couldn't relate to him, the more I couldn't relate to myself
The farther we grew from each other
The more cold I grew at heart
I wanted him to care
And yet, I just wanted to live my life without his surveillance
I wanted to explore and make mistakes and have fun
Without hurting him
I think all along, that's what he wanted too.

Those cold and barren memories
Especially the harrowing and excruciatingly painful ones
Are hard to grapple with
I wonder sometimes if I have truly sustained all of that trauma
And because I have, I marvel and I am in awe
Of my tenacity and resilience...
And yet to say that the tenacity and resilience is mine sounds foreign
It couldn't have been me who pulled myself through
I feel like I was supplied with that assistance and guided
With a little help from Serendipity
My gratitude is ineffable-- I feel honored and undeserving to have pulled through my trauma
And I feel obligated to share my story with the world
To prove that there is hope, there is life, there is magic, there is love, there is healing, there is beauty, there is restoration, there is joy...
There is everything you want
Residing in your heart
Holding all the secrets to happiness and health and redemption--
Back to the path of your dreams from which you have strayed
Get off the spacious road where the masses lazily and unknowingly stroll to their graves
Awaken from your sleep walk and pursue your dreams
Because you can, and you will.
I struggle sometimes to believe that I will find love again
But in those moments,
I simply forget
That I am a bearer of love
And that I don't have to wait around for others to love me
Because I can love myself and share love with everyone else
I laugh for thinking such a silly thought
And smile, looking inwardly, at the eternal sunshine emanating from my heart.

Just remember,
You can help someone, but you can't be anyone's life-preserver
Or else,
You'll drown with them too.

Faith is the struggle between not believing and believing again, over and over and over

There's a problem eating at me
I'm attached but I need to unlatch
Because this thing is tearing away at me
And closing up my heart
Causing blindness to worldwide kindness

An Optimist I am
And I fall over and over again
But I haven't lost my legs
I get up and I beg
For God to sustain me
Not to refrain from me

Some things can leave you feeling small
You gave it your all
You expected to grow tall
With love and invincibility
But all you have acquired through this is a sense of invisibility
You ponder: How could I have been so silly
But you know
If you never tried
You'd never know why it's important to live and fight
For life, for your life
For what is right
To live a fulfilling life

When the river is blocked with a pile of rocks
And everything is just clogged
You're not going anywhere
But the certainty of staying is comforting yet delaying
That's when my heart reminds me:
It's time to be praying.

And I break down
I resist
For in this misery I persist
This sickness is so sweet
In it I find a distorted relief
Who ever knew you could find comfort in grief?
My prayer at first is brief
Quick sentences that cut to the chase
Like numbing actions in attempts to erase
But God says: No, no, you've come to me, now I'm going to open your heart even more so
And you feel big and you feel small
But you know that whatever happens, you grow
He breaks you down, he lifts you up
He exposes your mindset, but He never gives up
On you
The unique one
Dazzling and one of a kind
A child of God
You, God's child
Ain't that grand

What a relief
More than relief
You've risen up from grief
Yet again, you can see!
The scales drop from your eyes
And no longer do you roam the streets
Like a beast
Seeking it's lost feast
With an inconsolable appetite
It seeks pleasure all through the night
But nothing would ever completely satisfy
The animal we have inside

When we attempt to tame our inner animal
Many times we fail
We can get disheartened and say: I NEVER PREVAIL!
But turn to God
And he will be the wind in your sails
Propelling you to prosperity and love and care

No matter what, I leave this to God
I've tried too hard and now I have nothing left
I've given too much and I've made myself blind and sick and deaf
Please God, rescue me from these murky deep waters I drown in
Stretch out a finger and pull me to safety
Remind me of my worthiness and an outpouring of love place in me
Let me trust this spontaneous turn
Because it's not quite spontaneous, for You have set out my path
Before my conception
Any time I call on you, you replenish my soul with a resurrection.

There are things in life that seem so good, seem so fine
I say, If only I had that I would be fulfilled
But I trust my journey, I trust you God
You are my unfaltering Rock

If it were not for death then we would not have life
So let me get rid of what is not serving me anymore
Embrace life and milk it for everything it is for
I know that if I just ask
You'll give me more
More love, more worthiness, more compassion
Bless me and allow me to live my life with passion!
Heck, I'm only here once,
So let's make this happen!

I never learn. I just continually recycle thoughts. It's just a game of big words with the thesaurus on my lap. And, heck! Do I think I'm the only aspiring writer? Breaking my hand over words that could be so useless to another individual? I mean, I'm stuck in this stupid little bubble of my reality, my life and my everything-- I never see the big picture. The world in all. But, I have to face that I am incapable of knowing beyond my corners. That every self-created problem I make for myself is only a problem taken for granted and used in the wrong way. And maybe every mistake is a new beginning.

Bound by cords by my own hands
Head filled with books and my own fantasy land
Reticent and contracted
Every move beforehand practiced
I can't relax into the uncertainty
It's pain, it's hell
Every entering moment I cannot foretell
How do I expose the beautiful parts without exposing the scars and bruises?
No one likes those, everyone now just wants illusions.

The fact is
That I feel and miss and hurt
Like everyone

Tall grass and soil beneath me
I'm sinking
Into a fantasy
And it feels so good and it feels so wrong
Because it takes me away from reality
And I know
I got to face reality,
With both it's joys and woes
But just once more I will serenade the song of nonconformity.

Systems crumbling beneath our feet
As we speak
But my outlook is rather serene
But yours is bleak
And you ask: "What do you mean"
The world is ending
But look, you're supporting the systems
So don't act like you're against them when you are one of them
Instead of playing the blame game and pinning the problems on a group of people,
Look at yourself in the mirror
If we get rid of "those people" nothing is going to change
We need to look at ourselves first
We must change ourselves first.

Vacant Streets
Barren homes
Concrete rubble scratching beneath my feet
Am I all alone?

Towering viridescent leaved Giants
On the other side of the road
Wind swiftly whispering hollow secrets
Into the grove.

I intently observe the grooved bark of a tree
What species is it?
I don't know, but I would like to know
My eyes scrupulously make their way up to the reaching branches at the very top
Next to this tree I observe is a tree stump
It doesn't look like it was cut with precision, it looked like a flash of unpredictable lightning chopped it right in half
Incapacitating it to no longer grow, ragged shards of raw inner wood
Now blackened with death.
The difference between the stump and the outreaching tree was one proliferated while the other did not due to death.
I felt my heart in my chest and arteries transporting blood to a part of my mind neglected and depressed
As the realization swooshed and then swelled into my heart,
that these conditions of my mind and circumstances were not forever
But temporary lessons
Yes, that's all these bad things are,
Temporary lessons
A tree can be cut but if not cut through all the way to cause death, it will grow around that cut, and everything else about it will eventually become bigger than those few times it experiences pain
The key to all of this was to move forward, grow
With limbs outstretched to the sky.

Close my eyes
Unaltered,
No faults
A soul full of thoughts
And whims
And musical notes that consist of hymns.

Desperation, perspiration
Fear has left here--
The inhabitants of my heart
Because tomorrow is for a new day to start
To leave behind this mediocrity.

Trails
If you're feminine you're too frail
And vulnerable
You can't follow where your heart wants to take you
Your dreams-- You have to stay home with them.

In many ways our collective intellect is growing
Seeds of reasoning have been sown
Leaving very little left to be known
But sometimes you need to disconnect from your society
And be alone
In order to truly understand
That your mind is your only home.

So goodbye to everyone narrow-minded
Your attempts of kindness were spoiled by your shortsightedness
and your closed hearts
I don't need you
I only need water to drink and air to breathe
I'll set out on a trail and never look back
Only up to observe the sky and the trees
And one day on this journey, I'll find what I'm looking for inside of me.

The past
Can grasp
For me
Plead
For me to pay it mind
Spare it my time
But if I did, that would be a self-destructive crime
Because life is too short to be wasting my time

Antiquated journal entries
Scorching my eyes
I thought I threw them all out
I thought I did away with my past entirely
But this journal entry
Brought me back to a day I have no recollection of
It made me feel like I felt five years ago,
Lonely and seeking attention in all the wrong places
Scared and shielded.

My, have I grown
Not in size or shape
But in destiny and fate
My life was heading in an ominous direction
How many times did I call out to God
Until I finally became humbled
And welcomed the Angels protection.

It's been a long journey
Through attempting to conform to dogmatic ideals
to becoming overwhelmed and lashing out in bouts of departing--
Dissociating
To allow the pain to be released in some rebellious way
But the core of me was still ailing and not okay
And only recently have I started to discover my self worth and potential
Not by comparing myself to others and deeming myself superior as to soothe my raging pain
But by listening to God and allowing Him to show me what steps to take so I can get out of life the most gain.

A dream dreamt for a millennium
Everyday oozing away as I badgered and prayed
For one splendiferous day
To feel limitless and ecstatic in my cranium.

Suddenly, my dream came to fruition
All this time was worth the anticipation
My brittle bones became strong through elation
My every cell frenetic with love's constitution.

The dream fulfilled
Vanished without warning
Soaking my heart in distrust and mourning
Creating in the center of my mind an emptiness so still.

The music is perfect
The air smells of synthetic raspberries
Could life be more sublime?

What are the sources of my happiness?
The things that genuinely provide me happiness are merely the necessities for all humanity
And the items consisting of my individual interests are the fringe to what makes me happy essentially

Nowadays I can find fondness in bad memories
I can find something spectacular in anything
Is this proclivity a blessing or a curse
Only the times I use it will tell.

I was down in the mire
My skin and clothing were drenched in a thick mold of watery earth
And right before I slipped down beneath the sodden dirt
My eyes involuntarily rolled up toward the sky and I saw a fire

Was this fire a visible symbol of everything I desired
Floating above my head
Before I am declared dead
Or was it a call from the Divine
The message of fire translating into: This life is not yours to take
This life is not yours to forsake
Fear is detrimental and must be banished from the impressionable body
When anger festers in the heart it is a cause of rotting
Shame brings great pain that lasts for years and causes unnecessary disdain from the outside
When all you really need is love.
How could you expect anyone to truly love you, when you aren't truly and hopelessly in love with yourself?

From the mire I arose
To get a closer look at this flamed rose
I hesitated in fear
What was creating this phenomenon?
Could I trust the source of this creation?
Many yards away I observed this fire that was inexplicable
And then it called me forward.

Each step I took inching forward I trembled
Now merely two feet away from the fire
I attempted to summon it,
but my vocal cords were ridiculously restricted due to an anxiety that engulfed me at the moment of witnessing the floating mass

The wise-sounding voice emitting from the fire cloud serenaded riddles and symbols
Prophecies and words that only ascertained partly uncovered truths
It befuddled me
But the beauty of it also spellbound me
It told me to follow it
And in no time I agreed.

The fire took me places where I never fathomed existed
I had stood inside because of my fears for years
I thought my imagination and hobbies and work would keep me entertained
But I grew so bored
And that is what led to me planning my end
But the fire showed me their is so much more to life than what I hold inside
And the longer you internalize and hide, the more bitter you grow
For everyone needs love
It's a biological requirement

Looking at the most beautiful thing on this earth
While sitting on a hill
A rainbow
Because no matter where you are, that promise is shared with all
No matter who you are
This visible promise made by God
His promise reminds me that He is always with me
And there is no reason to fear
When he is near.

What a trivial title
for a trivial poem
What I consider meaningful
Is just mere dirt to someone else

It all comes down to what you believe in
And what you believe will make you happy and make you whole
That is where meaning is held

I awake tired and the snippets of my dreams that I recall perplex me
I ponder: What is my subconscious trying to tell me
But I find no pattern with the fragments
And I leave it be for another unsolved mystery.

Is everything OK in my life?
Or is everything falling to pieces?
I can't seem to discern this clearly
My perceptions are distorting my view on reality
But even if life was beyond everything I have ever hoped for right at this moment
I couldn't fathom pure happiness
In this strife ridden world

Mermaids exist through our mind's capacity to fantasize
And that's where happiness comes from
Our ability to conjure something that is not real or is scarce on earth
Happiness is as real as mermaids.

I am a gem
A raw glowing crystal of the earth
With a multitude of sides and angles

I am a spectrum on a continuum
This continuous continuum called life
Forever going, with no thought of me
Existence has no thought of anyone, in fact
And no concept of reality, neither can it perceive the toll it's negative experience allotments has on the individual's life
But existence cannot be blamed, for the hurt it causes us is purely unintentional,
You have to give existence credit for it's intentions--
There are no intentions beheld by the unconscious, therefore if existence were to be personified it would be a neutral force,
though it's impact on our fragile lives from the moment we are conceived and officially a zygote is life-shattering at times,
yet weaved ever so magically through our sadness is joy and the satisfaction of conquering the elements that possess the potential to defeat us.
After every conquest we do become an increment stronger,
though at times we obsess over the bruises we have acquired through our personal wars
Yet, without your struggle, who would you be?

I'm never good enough
You're never good enough
We're all never good enough
We're all not "just right"
These ideas of lack keep us up all night
But if you just let go to those false and self-defeating perspectives
Your true genius would shine, and who could ever put an end to the pure beauty of a soul that emanates the oneness of the source?
We must do away with Capitalism, for it is the source of our discontent and feeling of never ending lack
In the end, we all regress back to a state of being out of touch with the world and being in awe of it simultaneously
When our brains slowly fade back into nonexistence, just like we were before our parents were impregnated with us
Sometimes, you just have to stop and ponder over the cycle
And you start to think about who established the cycle
Which leads to an array of contemplation
One inquiry flowing smoothly but swiftly to the next
My head fills up so quickly with the substance of inquiry
That I can become rather depressed
And it's not the type of depression that's easily cured with rest
It comes to a point where I become obsessed
With finding and deciphering all the answers
That my outward life begins to lose zest
Yet my internal life is growing so rich and so diversely composite that if I were asked to describe my ideas and opinions they would be completely ineffable
I read voraciously, but my mind has a unique system of filtering the articles of myriad genres that I read into this sui generis amalgamation
I have to be careful when I open my mouth to speak
Since my opinions deviate astronomically from the norm
I choose my words wisely to avoid being called insane and treated with scorn.
Since I have to keep most of me a secret, specifically in this provincial vicinity
My heart whispers love to me throughout the day
So I keep the love for my true identity ignited.

I can't deny that subjectively, at times, I view my disposition as a condition that is a contributor of my plight
But objectively I have chosen to wield my sword of might and trudge through this fight
Because I know, just like at the end of every fairy tale is a happy ending
That through the thorny bushes I walk through and all the villains I meet on the way that try to take my life
Their is a sunlit horizon somewhere awaiting me
Awaiting my unique and magical company
Somewhere where I will truly be able to fulfill all of my heart's desires.
Truly, your location is not prejudiced to your desires, but some of the places that you will live will require more courage to fulfill them.

I have many sides, many traits and many distinct ways
About me
But if you want to get to know me quickly and know all of me in one simple image
I will tell you of who I became when the nutcracker played at the end of this children's movie I watched as a toddler
I would intensely imagine the scene that song evoked for me
Coming into character so authentically and indistinguishably from who I was
Out of all of my traits, this one was the one I can recall from the beginning and the one I never lost
My imagination and my strong ability to think visually
Attribute this to genetics, possibly an inherited slight increase of glial cells in my brain (do a google search of glial cells and creativity...
Sometimes, I have to remind myself that Google is not an all-knowing god, even though I ask it just about everything)
So this is who I am
I know myself very well,
but I'm still trying to figure the whole world out.

I pried open my subconscious mind
I simply couldn't function outside
I felt like a green alien that everyone avoided
And the government spied on
In hopes of catching me before I did anything distorted.

A few years back I popped this recreational pill that promised unending happiness for a night, but instead it brought me back to the experiences that  shaped me into who I am
The memories that are the very sources of my deep disturbance.

That was the beginning of my journey into my subconscious mind
It seems to me that my deep inward explorations have only brought on more pain and suffering
Because I realized what jerks my parents are.
I saw them attempt to change many times.
They always failed.
I got sick with the idea that I would never be able to escape this psychological torment.
And yet I journeyed even deeper into my mind.

In a visual well
I cracked open my skull
And all of these parasites scrambled forth in thousands
How long had they lived in there?
I found ghosts and I found demons
I found little people who claimed to be heathens
I found drought
I found evil
I found a daredevil who had no concept of death
But even deeper yet,
I found a single girl
Needing love, needing rest
A girl who tried in everything to do her best
And at times rebelled to get the attention she needed
But most of her acts for attention got her beat.
I few knocks to the noggin will surely do
So the terror-some memories become few.

Now I'm just focusing on healing these visceral contusions
Because I refuse to fail at change
This may take years,
This may take my whole entire life
But I will see positive continuous change all through my days
And maybe that will settle my internal craze
All through life I promise to do good through every phase.
I couldn't live with myself any other way.

I’m in love, I’m in love
He’s touched my heart,
I heard God agreeing from above
He is fond of our love
Our young, hopeful love
I saw a pure white dove hovering above my beloved
And I just wanted to shout
But I dare not, so I don’t freak the whole world out
I wanted to shout:
“I love you!”
Oh, am I merely a fool?
Pursuing dreams that can no longer be mine?
Or does love not know time?

How would he react, if I told him the truth?
The truth is screaming inside of me!
It wants to get loose!
But I keep it ******* with a noose
I am so scared to lose
I am scared to tell him and lose him forever
Lose seeing that beautiful face
That toned body
Lose listening to the words that generate from his clever mind.
Oh, why can’t he be mine?

I solemnly pray, that he doesn’t view me as a piece in his game
To be easily thrown away
I hope and pray, that he longs to be with me
Forever and a day.

This day is beautiful
The weather is mild
I feel so gleeful I want to expose my inner child
But she runs and hides when he is being beheld in my eyes
I just want to take his hand,
and run to the hills
I want to take his face and kiss him
And all of the minutes we spend apart,
Oh, do I miss him.

I’ve loved many times,
but what’s once more?

Words are pointless
I listen, people are dumb
I open my mouth to speak
I try to push out the words-- my brain has none.

Sleep is pointless
I have so much research to do
What's all this research for?
I implore, I implore
My mind wants more.

Am I being told the facts?
Or just versions of the facts in which truth lacks?
Skepticism is driving me mad
Have you ever let knowledge drive you to the brink?
Must I stop what is natural to me: to think?

Thinking is pointless.
Now nothing is hopeless
Because once I stop thinking
The death in the truth will not be seen
And I can live carefree and dream.
I can live my life whichever way I please.
Just like everyone else is doing around me.

But no, I choose a different path
The one of aberration
I choose not to live a pointless life along with the masses
I am reaching out to a higher awareness
No matter how many times this course puts me in the throes of sadness.

Know your genes
Know what they mean
Know what they say
Know what they whisper
Know what they pray
Know what they want
Know what they hunt
Know why they hurt
Know why you're messed up.

Scientists say I have no control
I just got here billions of years after a big bang,
no,
not the big bang my parent's performed during coitus
But a magnificent explosion of stars
And their is not one reason I am here
And all the conflicting reasons for life that we have were created for the purpose of comfort.
Right.
And I am made up of layers and layers of organic substances
The very act of living is a miracle to me (All scientists are free to shake their head in fervent disgust over my statement)
Science wants to tell me that I am ****** because of my genes
Did the government pay you to spread misinformation?
Instead of focusing on how ****** the individual is,
Can we take a moment to discuss how ****** every aspect of our world is?
You can't explain away logically.
You can try.
But until you accept the truth your logical excuses will only and always generate more questions.

Hello,
former lover of mine
I love you

Why must we be apart?
The distance between us is breaking my heart.

I remember days when you professed unrelenting love for me
Where did those days go?
Why must those days repeat in my mind's eye?

In desperate attempts to forget you I seek out other foreign lovers
But none compare to you
They distract me for a little while
But once I am done with my futile relations with them,
I throw them away
And hope and pray that I will see you again, soon, someday.

I think to myself: Is everyone around me spellbound by the mediocre?
Or set up within a dogmatic routine?
I am not quick to call someone unintelligent,
but I disagree with the way people are using their intelligence.

Lover once mine,
Why did we part?
You were my only companion that truly knew,
and thought like me too
You were my twin flame

Could I really ever get over you?
Could we ever get over the wounds we inflicted onto each other?
I am such an idealist and I really think we could
But you're a realist...
So, my love, do you think we should?