A locked lake lies lonely,
deep beneath ice and snow.
Pieces of past still present
in delicate misty glow.
We wish to wake it.
We wish to know it.
I wish they'd leave it alone.

I think my mind calls it home.

THE FOIL

He hurt me

The pain was bad

So bad it was excruciating and left me wanting  to return him the favor

Even if it was at least a figment of all the pain he had caused this frail heart

So I started to scheme

I began to plot and I gave it a theme

A theme of revenge

I would reverse time, I planned

I would take him back to 1983

Where I happened at the Russian Vostok Station

I called subterfuge

Asking her to be my refuge

On this chivalry quest

I welcomed him back into my home

And did all that I had done when I had loved him

Only this time I did even more

With a burning desire his heart to freeze

This surely my pain would ease

I thought to myself

After all, that’s what he had done to mine

So I acted like all was fine

Better than it had ever been

I cooked him dinner

A three course every time

I never asked him for flowers or for a dime

I wasn't fazed when he stayed out too late

I just went about pretending to love him

And with such pretense came my fate

A fate once I came to understand I would love to hate

Days turned into weeks

And the weeks became months

It was just a game of revenge

Nothing was going to change my mind

I was a vulture, out to scavenge

Or so I presumed.

As time passed,

I didn’t have to make a conscious effort to pretend

I was slowly becoming all I was pretending to be

I gasped and fear gripped me at the realization

I was a creature of habit

Usain Bolt when it came to running in circles

Here I was back to where it all began

Back to doing that which had gotten this senseless heart broken

With every intent to please

The person whose carcass I had hoped on to feed

I was “She-lock”

I yearned for a pound of his flesh or maybe just a little more

But I had failed like I did the time before

I had become everything I was pretending to be

I had repeatedly caught myself sabotaging this mission

I waltz gleefully as I make his dinner

I find myself deserted by sleep on those nights he came home late from work

I had butterflies whenever I heard him call my name

I had lost once again

I, in desperate hope had fought another losing game

I had fallen, fallen not just so hard but this time I had fallen in too deep

How could I betray myself?

How could I let him defeat me once again?

I had fallen in love with him again

And sadly this time around, he was also stupidly in love with me.

All my plans have been trounced

I never planned to surrender but I have been shackled by the chains of love,

The only soft spot my heart has for his…




#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
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