Gettin’ ****t on like I’m The Villian,
got this queasy feeling on the line reeling,
coming undone at the same time wound up and spun,
I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing,

want to throw myself up out of myself,
can escape every position except the one I’m in,
can’t escape yourself if knowledge is wealth,
then I’m loaded & still spending my winnings,

got Karma Credit but I’m morally cash poor,
because I just fckt my girlfriend as if she was a *****,
and I feel terrible or rather horrible about it,
because i think I’m infected by what neglect did without a cure,

no one is pure,
at least I’m not that’s for sure,
I'm tainted with devils in my head painted with what I spilled I’m red,
sick with the sort of illness that can't easily be cured,

in fact got a bad case of the blues,
but instead of strumming a guitar I’m taking things too far,
cut her so bad with my fingernails,
that I fear it might leave a few scars,

tied her up so tight,
that her wrists turned purple,
see she’s attracted to bad boys,
and I warned her that that’s the type of attraction that can hurt you,

little girl shouldn’t be out past her curfew,
nothing good ever happens past midnight,
but we’re both running from something,
both stand outs in the in crowd still something doesn’t sit right,

I’m uncomfortable,
because I think maybe all humans are disgusting,
maybe we just cause each other pain and trash the earth’s surface,
maybe we deserve to feel guilty & that’s why we are all fcking distrusting,

maybe I’m gonna fckn **** myself,
but this is a card game so then again maybe I’m bluffing,
maybe everything’s going to be alright,
maybe I’m being uptight for nothing,

but I’ll tell you what I feel like the **** of my own joke,
but I don’t give a fck so instead of changing I’m just shrugging,
mean mugging every person I pass suspicious of every bloke,
because these days crime pays and everyone’s always up to something,

and I just want to get ghost,
but I can’t and I guess that’s the way it goes,
so I’m sittin’ in the uncomfortable position,
of being both a role model as well as a criminal,

Gettin’ ****t on like I’m The Villian,
got this queasy feeling on the line reeling,
coming undone at the same time wound up and spun,
I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing…

∆ LaLux ∆

Last night I dreamed
My life as a comic book.
An intermingled mess,
Those who have not read
Every single issue,
Cannot begin to know.
A brightly colored spectrum
Of unexpected blows.
Amidst all the villian’s
Unrelenting throws
Of powers no more
Than planting
The seeds of self doubt,
I stood armed to fall.
As each seed landed
Upon  my head,
I fell to watch
Each punch line
Read only
“Bam!”
and “Kapow!”.
The plot never thickened
And never came to save me.
In a story
from the villan’s head,
Perpetually trapped
Until the hero returned
to write her portion
of my tale.
As the seeds grew
Into absolute fear,
A twisted feeling
Took hold of my gut.
Who is the antagonist
and who the protagonist?

I ran to your aid
When you called me late that night
I broke several laws on the way
Because I heard your screams
Before you even screamed

Am I the villian now
Because I wasnt fast enough
Am I as I opened the door
To your bedroom
And didnt flinch at the sight

There you were
Wrist cut open
Eyes rolling back
With your breath escaping
I tried to help

Am I the villian
Did I try hard enough
I loved you
You just walked out on it
And bled out for your mistake

Am I the villian
For telling you I loved you
For trying to make things work
I did my best right
So where did it go wrong

i finalised my "divorce" today. well, it was a breakup. 2 years together, lived together, shared our cats, shared a life... all that. so yeah, it felt like a mini divorce.

and i couldn't help but notice how relatable the song "happiness" by taylor swift is now...

"all the years i've given is just **** we're dividing up"

he left the house a week ago. today he came by, and divided up our shared things.

"tell me when did your winning smile
began to look like a smirk?
when did all our lessons start to look like weapons
pointed at my deepest hurt?"

when i first met him, it was the stuff of fairytales - like most relationships. we shared some of the best memories of our lives together. but like all good things, it came to an end. over time, we became stressed with life's responsibilities. we became toxic to each other, and both made terrible mistakes. towards the end, it became the inevitable to end things.

"after giving you the best i had
tell me what to give after that?"

i gave it my all. we both tried our best. it just wasn't meant to be.

"haunted by the look in my eyes
that would've loved you for a lifetime"

how i wished he was the one... given any chance, i would've loved him for a lifetime. i miss him. i miss the life we shared. i grieve for the future we will never have.

"i can't make it go away by making you a villian"

but just because the relationship failed, it was still extraordinarily beautiful. i hold zero resentment towards him at all. no negative feelings. i wish him all the best in the future.

"no one teaches you what to do
when a good man hurts you
and you know you hurt him too"

these lyrics hit me the most...

"there'll be happiness after you
but there was happiness because of you"

goodbye, lover. maybe in another lifetime, our paths will cross again. but for now, i wish you all the happiness in the world. i will always have love for you deep in my heart.

If I told you I killed myself at 16 would you believe me?
Or just say "young Dougie is just miss behaving" slaving, as I am chained and serving society who is caving, and ask god for gifts that even he found entertaining...when a boy grows up his insides start changing and the tint of red in his heart dims and starts fading,
he felt pain at its highest, experienced the attitude of a liar and seen 1st hand what it means when a "GOOD THING" just expires. He grows tired and tense while blood drips from his hand, broken glass on the floor... he punched the reflection of a man…
who seems injustice and corrupt, always pushin his luck, and remains silent when addressed, he so easily erupts. Takin shots of big dreams with NyQuil in a cup, "good" imaginative girls around him, he's just too messed up...liquor doesn't help his mind, still stuck in a rut, and the shakes only means his temperatures gon up.
You see the high in his eyes, where he constantly lies, never looks you in the face, just looks on the other side, one of a kind guy, never been a afraid to die, don't ask this guy why? Cause he will never reply.
Communication he never lacked, he just speaks better over a track,
Give him a pen, white paper,
A smooth beat and watch him rap.
And listen closely to his story, pay close attention to the facts,
visualize all his words,
And dissect his true meaning
Of a brain dead poet who uses his pen filled of integrity with a pad made of dreaming.

Don't ask me to save your soul, or rescue your burning heart from a building...
I'm no superhero, just a modern day fake EVIL villain...

-Dougie Simps

He comes in with sword so sharp
Prying the princess away from the harp
She is bewildered by his arrival
Guards try to stop him in a fight of survival
Without mercy he chops them down
One by one they fall to the ground
All of them defeated
With the same sword I am greeted
So I break the castle to ruins
Killing all remaining humans
The princess is gone
This is all wrong
I was only trying to keep her safe!
Then the stranger came in thinking he was brave...?

Oh-
Oh no--

All alone now
Still in awe how
I now understand
The play is grand!
There was one more blank spot to fill in
My role as *the villian

Last time I loved, I took a dagger
To the heart.
We were supposed to make it last!
Little did I know
I threw a hundred daggers back
With my selfishness and need for an escape,
While she suffered holding back the needle.
Held her tightly with my clammy hands
As I begged for her on my knees.
"No more lying." I forced out my clenched jaw.
She stared into my deep sunken eyes
And said it would be the last
Moment of her presence, she, my crutch that held
Me up to my dangling life.
I fell hard onto concrete when her love collapsed
And left me down because she never looked back,
But I recovered and rose
Into an unforgiving villian
With a judgement that there is no love
Just tragedies.

A hero in a book or movie.
Fighting the evil queen.
Reclaming a homeland-or mountain.
Saving the world with a companion in a blue boxs.
Leading a rebelion.
Beind captain of a ship- Serenity or the USS Enterpise.
Cathing a serial killer.
Or stopping a psychotic well dressed villian.
One man or woman saving the world.
When I was younger I wished I could be like them.
But now I can barely fight the demons in my mind.
Why would I dream of saving the day when I am not sure I want to live another day?
Life is no fairy tail.
This is not Middle-Earth or Narnia.
There are villians and monsters yes but not ones that we can defeat during wizzard chess or with a want or lazer sword.
They are just as real and dangerous.
But the live in our minds.
I tried to run from the watching tv series and movies and reading books.
Dreaming of another life.
But eventualy the demons got closer to chatching up.
And no hero will be able to safe me.
I will have to fight the monsters in my head myself, all on my own.
And I hope that I will be strong and brave enough when that time comes.

The doctors tried their best
They said I did everything I could
But I still
Feel like I failed
And I wish you were still here

You would of comforted me
You would of answered
My jumbled up questions
But the one stll unanswered
Am I the villian

I get looks from everybody
Your parents wont talk to me
I feel like a man being crucified
For not being able to save you
Im getting shuned by society

Am I the villian
Because it feels like I am
What was so wrong
In trying to save you
Was it the fact that I failed

I cant apologize
No one will listen
I love you
Please come back to me
Even if that means haunting my dreams

I want to see your smile
Hear your angelic voice
Feel your hands on my face
And taste your lips again
I know its too late for all of that

Am I the villain
In this fairytale
I feel like I am
Somebody tell me Im not
And let me be with her once more