To unbreak a heart
Is to be alive
when you feel death all around you
It's to smile
when all your tears are melting through your pores
It's to be happy
when sadness owns your every breath
It's to pretend the impossible is happening
when you know the reality of it all

To unbreak a heart
Is to never have been in love
It's to wash your hands of the past
when your present is made up of ever present memories
It's to make believe you never believed
when you've still got a ray of hope
It's to laugh out loud
when your insides feel like they're collapsing

To unbreak a heart
Is to a tell a lie
To cross your heart and hope to die
To recognize your faults and forgive his sins
To pray for forgiveness
To lose the fight and learn to live with regrets
To marry out of connivence

To unbreak a heart is to have never loved at all

If you don't think I care
I will have to explain the way I feel then. I only been in love once in my 19 years of living and it was heartbreaking and terrible. Ending with lonely nights and stained pillows. Stained red wrists and a hollow mind. Most of it was painful for me and not a happy love at all. It took a little to really think I loved him. Nearly 7 months until those words came out of my month.  Feelings and trust are hard for me because of that interesting cheating blue eyed boy. I think I knew I was falling out of love when I noticed you at first.  You were funny and different per say. I actually liked going into work 10 mins early just to try and say hi. I never knew that saying hi to someone could feel like getting shot and falling for 50 feet. I think the first time I actually felt something for you was when you came over and we talked for 10 mins.  Not anything specials but I wanted more. I think the last time he cheated on me the day after he was at my house and I gave him everything I had to stay with me was the day I turned away and stopped trying so hard. "You can't do that anymore. Move on. Don't keep running back to a ***** piece of crap that you don't deserve." I had to replay that over and over again. Enough to make me think I was better off trying with someone who I didn't even know then trying with someone who I knew more then anyone.  If letting go let me find happiness then I'm okay with knowing your not okay. I'm okay. I'm more then okay. I feel like I'm smiling more then I have in a year. I feel like I could be content with what I have with him for a pretty long time. I feel that I need to unbreak you into believing I really do love you. If I have to be strong for both of us then I will be. I wish I could push and hide everyone away that hurt you all these years to make you believe you are a amazing guy and that I'm lucky you left at the time you so I didn't have to search for you. I'm glad I heard you were leaving cause I would of never knew if I didn't take those guest service hours. Why would you think I would leave when I tried so hard to get you to notice me? I didn't make myself up on the days you were there just to look good for myself. Im not going anywhere and I really wish you would know that. I'm not some girl who takes what she thinks she can get and walk away. I'm not going to take your heart and run away with it. We both know how that feels and I wouldn't want anything to make you feel like that again. If you ever wanted to leave you can take me with you. Run from at all. Pack up and leave. I'll be fine with that. Don't think I don't know how you feel cause I'm just as broken as you may be. But two broken souls can always find a way to fix each other and become hole again. Maybe we could become one by fixing each other. Just believe me that I love you and that I'm sorry those one word answers sometimes annoy you or I don't seem interested enough as you are but I am. I don't look up at you when we are laying down just to look up. I don't hold you for as long as I can just to hold on to something. I don't write about someone at 2am unless they mean a lot to me. It's not easy to find someone who actually understand that sleeping is hard and maybe even understand that being alive is hard for most days. we seem to understand each other more then anyone I know. It's amazing to think that things I feel you may feel too or have felt. This is a good idea You and me are a good idea. Don't leave and I'll try my best to make you understand my feelings towards you. I know you won't leave and I need you to know I wont either. If I'm yours then you are mine. And I don't want that to change.

i think the reason why i fell so deeply and helplessly and utterly in love with him was that he was not broken. i thought that maybe loving him would somehow unbreak me, make me a little less shattered than i was. i have seen and felt and fallen and broken and aged and heard and been more than i ought to have but there's nothing i can do about that now. and so i was drawn to his innocent, unbridled naïveté, which may as well be the last thing that has been left untouched by the bitter darkness of this world.

We did not ask for agreements or signatures
even a due diligence, check out each others
entrails, internet outcomes, criminal records
social security numbers
marriage licenses, children's ages, moles
on our mountains of doubt
even a fingerprint on a bare breast
phone numbers, mates and mistresses
drinking and smoking habits
salad preferences, vegan, bogan or  whatever.

We did, however, listen to that heartbeat
the words we spoke, the pictures we drew
finished, the colours that we painted
between rainbows
and the children we dreamed
who would look like you and me
if ever born
and how smart they would be
and as naughty as those little titters
of laughter, that cleared every checkbox.
on this shopping list for a mate!

We knew that this partnership existed
there was nothing we could do
to unbreak this bond that grew
from a tiny little seed
into this one big giant momentum
of togetherness.

That's a worthwhile partnership
several levels above commercial simplicity.

Author Notes

The romance continues.......
© Marshall Gass. All rights reserved, a month ago

You were born better than me for now
More prepared, your skin smoother, even,
Your black boots that look like
They’ve been licked by junkies
Your oil-eyes are able to divide the images
T.V. orange and a tangerine
One is not the other
When I will seep inside the hole in you head
I’ll pick and pull to get you
Really get you
Before your full mouth moves
I’ll nod and tell you
Quiet quiet, I know I know
I am an idiot, I run scared
I hide in cars, I cry at celebrity gossip
The red carpet is the ****** scene
Your tongue rolls the same way
Unrolls, let’s the stars fall out
Then rolls, let’s me disappear inside
I hate myself
I reach for better thing than the sky
I grab your hand in mine and I reach for
Toy monsters
For romances written by wine and ****-buddies
For meaningless problems
For music carved in plastic
I let you unguide me, undo the zipper, unbreak my glasses, the ones that are tiny mirrors
But then you speak
And it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen
So
I make surgeries on myself like a night-doctor
I build a tree house in a pear tree that you can’t see

Yes, that’s me buried up to my head in your yard
Yes, that’s me telling strangers I am dying of sadness and lack of substance
Yes, that’s me trying to fit in your head
Yes, this is me setting myself on fire wearing nothing but your black boots
I win.
Keep ignoring me
I write better poetry (and we all know I hate poetry)

La. La. La. La.

The cursed and fated prince had prophesies, I’ve got soap operas
I’ve got night and nights of blank, blank, ****
I’ve got a freezer-burnt heart
And pictures of you drinking neon drinks
I’ve got the dichotomy and pungent mixture of art and ****, of God found in the gutter
You’re drinking anti-freeze aren’t you?
That would mean so much if you were
Keep ignoring me
I’ll send you my hands when you’re done with them
They won’t work
               But you can touch yourself with them
     They will be gray
Paint them red
A red that can’t wash off.

butterflies love the blood,
tumbling about in bellies,
whisk it away, the way we pray,
a bird being carried by a breeze,
lifted essence, manifested,
heart shade, finally, at ease,
signal came through,
translated to
sharpened claws,
unclenched jaws -
unthought it all while sober -

  you came as ocean, as breeze,
   as birds, as leaves,
   as hues and blues,
   sunshines and moons,
and you left as you pleased,

    opened my mouth wide to cry for you,
    praise you,
   love you, raise you above
  what I've said in silence,
  unbreak the trust I betrayed in private,

  you came as hearts, as people I've known,
  and stories never told, as whispers,
  as hugs, and as kisses,
  as melodies, repeatedly on my brain, as so,
absent of you,

      I came to know you:

butterflies love the blood,
dying slowly from the greed,
whisk it away, the way I pray,
would ask for your forgiveness,
but I know there is no need,

I feel you in the leaps
of knowing when to regret,
and when to let it be,
summon the tides stronger
aside dying suns, each day,
each night I pray for you to call upon me,
like you did when I was your favourite color,
pray for you to love the me now, and be sure of no other,

so if I adjust the pitch,
tune the sounds to form around
your wisdom, or pretty eyes,
maybe the melody will reach you again,

if not for love,
lost at sea,
then for truth,
and maybe friends we'll be,

no longer eclipsed by rumors

the sickest part
about realizing you are in love with someone
is figuring out that
they don't have to love you back
we believe that
the person that we hold closest to us
should hold onto us just as tightly
sometimes they can't
because they are too busy
holding onto someone else
who isn't holding them back either
and the trend goes on forever.

so after all of this, here i am
sitting on the edge of another strangers bed
coughing up all the 'i love you's that were said to me
but never meant for me
i realize now that curses don't always unbreak
the past is tied to you
like cinder blocks around your ankles
and pressing hard against your chest
like the weight of his other woman
your true loves kiss
wont fix a **** thing
if the love isnt mutual
lately ive learned that
it is sometimes better when you get stuck
kissing your own wounds
and sometimes is always
i never believed that i was somebody
that someone else could love again

thank you for proving me right

Tell them everything & don't leave out the good parts
Hell bent whispers for desperate listeners
I'm not proud of the things we did
No, it didn't work out ... we were just kids
Knowing I stand tall in courage to leave

Go on and tell them why I needed to flee
Oh, everyone is talking about me
Oh, I've kept it mute  so you wouldn't fall
Don't leave out the good parts, tell it all!

Tell them everything & in between
How you've become so mean... you've got your story & I got mine
Oh, the secrets you've told me
Uh, were a waste of my time
Good sweet lies as you said " I love you"
How do you feel now? Seeing me rise above you
Tell em how you broke my heart
Should have left but was blinded from the start

Just continuous restless nights
Knowing my decision was right

Fine lines were breaking
Unbreak my heart now that beats to a different drum
Continuous agony has made me go numb
Knowing **** well it was all affecting me

You tarnish my character just so you can look clean
Oh, after it all. I promised to never fall
Uh, at least tell them I'm a good kisser.

Think Good Thoughts! JK! *******!