evil homestead with wicked doors creak
a sound developed to make strong weak
incites adrenaline,
a sprint, a leap
fluid unto your place of sleep
nothing to be afraid of, of course.
except for the biting coldness, the source
unknown...
bed as your safehaven you lay and turn
and with silken walls you let down your guard
eyes drift shut but thoughts sporadic
you dream a dream, a dream of habit

in this dream you have no voice

and where you stay is not your choice.

pushed and moved throughout your lifetime

a little creak; your angry punchline.

Do you remember that night out by my car.
Daddys Caddy,
bright in the moonlight.
A home for our words, carefully choosen,
sometimes not.
A mutual ground.
A safehaven for thoughts too bold for sunlight.
The darkness helped us, I think.
Protected us from seeing too much,
when too much was being said.
Maybe I was a little drunk.
Thats all it took, some liquid courage,
for you to know that I was sorry.
You touched me then.
Not a "I just want to *******" touch.
You felt me, deep inside.
You knew the claws of a beast were tearing me down.
Not one that could be tamed,
and could only be suppressed for so long.
He was there and you saw him,
clear in my eyes.
Usually gaurded, fighting him back.
But there he was,
pompous as any.
Jabbing me in the ribs,
"I told you I would get out"
There he was teeth beared and all,
ready to rip me down
right in front of you.
Right in front of my Daddys Caddy.
Claws, teeth and lies.

I am outside myself
Indefinite
I'm a puppeteer
Insinuating motivation
For stupid decisions
Manipulation has overtaken
Every aspect put forth from myself
Everything a lie
I never tell the truth
Everyone lies
There is no truth anymore
Much less a need for it
I do it
Don't you?
My life is nothing but
The greatest extremities
Of the definition of deceit

Nothing is good in this world
Not even people
They turn like everyone else
Wrecked
Angry
In desperate attempt
To discover a safehaven
Broken
Searching
And will never find
What they're looking for

Trust
So hard to gain
So easy to lose
So very difficult
The void can never be filled
I tire of fighting
Struggling
Journeying to find my place
I never find new
Pain
Suffering
Walls I built so high
Torn down by something
As mediocre
As unexpected
As a pin drop

I am weak
Please don't **** me
Oh, but they will
Especial words
Designed specifically
Annihilation
Cutting into
Tearing into
The very flesh of my
Invalid being
I do not belong

I'm the old abandoned house
On the street corner
The one that's been there for years
The one you walk by
Without a second thought
Nobody wants to buy me
I'm too tattered and shaken
You don't even look my way anymore
The old doll on the shelf
That no child begs their mother for
Porcelain face
Too fractured
For even the most innocent of souls

*I do not wish to struggle anymore.
I just want this to be over.

i have found a pond in the tree line. its filled with life that has the natrual beauty that sweeps me away. thres a cat that just sits an the pedistool watching the colorfull fish swim around. his is so patiance just watching the fish swim around with just ceriousity and no attempt  to break its posture. the water rippes when the wind passes threw the majestic trees. to me this is a safe haven to me where i can  escape the ******* in life that only want to make me go insane. this place i have found has a pond and a warm hot spring that is wonder full to just ley your mind empty from all the negitvity that swollows you hole. my insanity clears away when i just close my eyes and take in this beauryfull place. its my safehaven to escape so im never going to tell any one cause its only place i can have my mind be cleaned.

He complained about the bills
because she left him with the furniture
But his words they ****
He didn't care that he was hurting her

It was always all about him and
He was angry that she had left
But she had to save herself
her whole life's a freaking mess

She cried all the time
Even when she was working
Coworkers talked crap about her
They didn't realize she was hurting

No one ever reached out
Even though they all could see
She's not the bright young woman
she always used to be

With the exception of one
The only one she could tell
The last person she expected
Her coworker Annabelle

Annabell could see the same
At least she cared enough to ask
She actually reached out and
Slowly took off her mask

Who would've thought help would
come from such a stranger
She listened to understand and
Tried to warn her of all the danger

This kind of relationship
Will only ever get worse
But she was so in love and
she only wanted to make it work

They said she was dumb for staying so long
But how could she ever leave
In the worlds eyes he did no wrong
And she didn't have the heart to speak

About the pain he caused
And the time he held his gun.
I mean don't get me wrong
"you can't blame him he was drunk"

Right??

But what about the times he screamed?
Just because he had a bad day?
It had nothing to do with her
But really, what was she supposed to say?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
She would sit there and she would take it
I mean if he really loved her
then how could he just fake it?

It Had to be her fault.
I mean, why else would he do it?
No matter what he did
She always knew they could get through it

But She was so wrong

he always said he was sorry
he said that he would change and
she didn't have to worry
But she had to be to blame.

But now she so broken and so damage
she can't even hear his name
without flashbacks and anxiety
don't even get her started on her panic attacks and sobriety!

She finally grew the courage to leave
it was the hardest thing she done
it wasn't easy please believe
she wasn't leaving to have fun

She didn't leave him because she didn't love him
she left him because he didn't love her
that kind of life,
was it really what she deserved?

That's what the world seem to believe
there was nothing she could say
to make them understand
without giving him away

So she stayed silent. So silent.
And she harbored all that pain
until it was just too much
And she didn't want to live another day.

But she deserved a better ending.
He destroyed her without consequence
so with one last attempt to save her life
she finally told her parents

and their hearts literally broke
with every tear running down her face
and with every word she spoke
and they finally understood

why she had become so distant
she didn't want them to see
The change in her soul
and how could they have missed it

so she stopped coming over
she ignored all attempts
they did nothing wrong
but she couldn't let them in

to this disaster she once called home?
Devastation covered their faces
so many emotions pouring out
so they met her with their embrace and

She sat there and she just thought
how can I let this be?
all the messed up things that he said
and did to me?

But what could she even do?
He already spread his lies
and like all drama in this town
it's spread like raging wildfire

and it wasn't long before her "friends"
were voicing their opinion's
About a life they knew nothing of
And a nightmare they didn't live in

she had nowhere to go
and no one she could ever trust
there was no Safehaven and
there was no justice

For the once Beautiful soul
that he destroyed
but can you really blame him?
With the truth so sad, wouldnt you devise a ploy?

Yeah?

Or would you convince her
That it's "nobody's business?"
Because that's what he did
when she wanted therapy to fix it

This tragedy is never ending
and my hand is getting tired
maybe next time you hear a rumor
you won't be so quick to buy it

she still holds onto all her secrets
never said a single word
doesn't that make you sad?
The helpless soul that was never heard?

Stuck at home
Or is it one?
What constitutes a home?
A place you miss
Once you leave its view?
How about a goal
Longingly pursued?
Safehaven praised
After hectic days?
If Earth is our home
Why aren't we satisfied?
Moving around
From birth till we die
Existential coast of moving
Forward without looking back
Downright attack
A place to develop?
Where you go when your eyes swell up?
Hard to find
When the mind is enveloped
True home is in the heart
How can you say that for certain?
Do you know your heart?
Does anyone know anything?
Sitting around waiting for offspring
Good thing all these thoughts
Conclude in the spring.

My safehaven,my compass, my stone!
eschaton binding the teeth which the clockarms
     strike their fangs along like useless submissive matches.
Patchy skin blent with herself from her dream
    the other night;
                               a scale no flame could level or waters be heavy enough in mass to drown, merely flood and freeze in time
    
               --hovering in limboid quantum silence--
A gift for the next lifeform to discover and make-believe a divine structure
left by some macerated God that has hitherto gone about  
unspoken.