The blood had fell
for many a year,
the bodies never ceased to drop,
and every person shed a tear.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Bob joined up in January 1918
as he had turned the age he had to go,
him and his friends went to enlist
as English pavements filled with snow.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Fred was from a near-by town,
went down to enroll with fear in his tum,
he didn't really want to sign up,
as he'd miss his Cat, his Dad, his Mum.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Fred and Bob had a torrid time
in that drowning stinking mud,
and met when they were deployed together
after The Battle Of Belleau Wood.

In the awful years of The Great War.

They clapped eyes on each other in a trench
and their hearts simultaneously began to flutter,
wonder stirred in their souls,
words of love they wished to utter.

In the awful years of The Great War.

They were both drenched in horror,
shrouded in a bombed out trance,
but began to feel some ease
with every stolen glance.

In the awful years of The Great War.

They talked in down hours,
how they'd eventually leave Hell, sit hand in hand, try to forget what they had seen,
full of peace and calm,
in a field of summer green.

In the awful years of The Great War.

When no-one else was looking
they'd try and dull the machine gun hiss
and find a tiny space
for a fleeting enamoured kiss.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Inevitably they got *****,
talked about what fleshy designs they could be,
Bob said, "I'm up for owt!"
Fred replies, "oh, perhaps you could *** on me!"

In the awful years of The Great War.

Bob chucked, "ha ha, I'm up for that,
anything to please you that is in my power!'
Fred responded, "great my love,
I'll look forward to a *******!"

In the awful years of The Great War.

Fred and Bob continued their covert romance
and anticipated the day when Fred would get a jet of Bob's yellow
but then one became their leader
was the most terrible fellow.

In the awful years of The Great War.

He waltzed in and stated with arrogance,

'I'm now in charge of you, you ghastly bunch of ****!"
He was the most frightful man:
Major Barthomley Pitt.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Despite never seeing combat
Pitt did pontificate, "deserters he would shoot,
cowards would go up against the wall
and the scared get the gun boot."

In the awful years of The Great War.

But what Pitt hated most
was "men who go up other mens' rears,
I ******* hate those sodomites,
I ******* hate those queers!"

In the awful years of The Great War.

Pitt continued that he'd "rooted out sin
whether it be meek or mild
and I have filled with bullets
those who enjoy copulation like Oscar Wilde!"

In the awful years of The Great War.

In the middle of this diatribe a shell exploded,
the debris torn into Bob's arm,
and a mustard gas cloud appeared
before anyone could raise the alarm.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Fred had got a lung full,
Pitt cowering started to look for his own cover,
but both Bob with only one upper limb working started to think about his lover.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Bob ****** on a hanky as he knew ammonia
could relieve the toxic gas and stop a man from being dead,
and in a desperate lunge in the front of Pitt
placed the sodden rag on the face of Fred.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Just a minute ago Pitt was shouting,
off on one of his vile anti ****** rants
but just 60 seconds later a puff was giving another puff in front of him
a pair of hard ons in their pants.

In the awful years of The Great War.

Bob and Fred were rushed to field hospital
and of that abomination of war did get away,
and were both still bedridden
when on the 11/11/11 was declared Armistice Day.

No more awful years of The Great War.

After it had ended Bob and Fred moved to  separate houses in a village,
Bob's inheritance made this dream,
and they would go deep in the woods
and be their serene supreme

No more awful years of The Great War.

They would laugh about how they had made it,
their glee made the sun more brightly beam,
on this peaceful blue calming day
Bob and Fred found their field of green.

A happily ever after The Great War.

What does Brad Pitt have
That I don't have
Besides a movie star wife
And a couple dozen kids
Does he have the personality
To go along with it
I'm quite sure he does
Now that you mention it

What does Brad Pitt do
That I don't do
Besides the simple fact
That he makes women swoon
As they dream of him
Morning, night, and noon
Along with the other things
With him they'd like to do

What can Brad Pitt say
That I can't say
As he tries his best to keep
The young girls at bay
Every time he smiles
And looks their way
Melting tender hearts
Is the way Brad plays

What has Brad Pitt got
That I ain't got
Cause apparently
He's got a lot
But one thing I have
That Brad has not
Is the perfect woman
And the perfect love

Miss Pitt

Miss Pitt was an enigma in her neighborhood of Kent.
Though never wed, many people whispered that she had a past
that would curl your hair. Some said she was a spy who went
deep cover in post-war Berlin, and she had to leave fast.

Others thought she'd been an acrobat of the trapeze
and high wire. They said there was no stunt she wouldn't try.
She must have had a deathwish when she climbed Mt. Hood, with skis,
then skied down slopes so steep, you'd think she thought she couldn't die.

Not much else is known because she didn't talk about
her past at all. Parker from the U.P.S, gave her a box,
some fifteen years ago from Germany. "was from some *****,"
he joked, (jackassedly). Her garden's path was where she walks

some nights by moonlight, and hums an old refrain half-forgotten.
I've heard she brought a vessel out and set it on the lawn,
along with a jug of schnapps. "meine geliebte, das verboten"
she's been heard to mumble, then she'd sing and sob till dawn.

On last night's news, we heard that she'd been stabbed with a knife
and died. She had been riding home on the subway, when two
drunken bangers began to harangue the pretty teen who
sat to her left. "Hey little mama, betcha never in your life

have you seen a **** this big." He grabbed his crotch and grinned.
The girl put her head down. "What's a matter pretty *****, you shy?"
He touched her hair, and said to the other, "you ain't never sinned
so sweet, 'til you had young ***** so hot. He rubbed her thigh.

"If you want to keep your *****, you'll leave this girl alone."
Miss Pitt coldly said, startling everyone around. The banger turned
to see a white haired lady stare with eyes as cool as stone.
"You? you wrinkled prune gonna take my nuts? I'd a thought you'da learned,

you boss No One!" The banger ****** off her flowered hat and said,
"Hey Manny, this one needs somethin' to think about. you gotcher blade?
"Hell yeah bro." Manny said, and put a hunter's knife to her head.
Now who's gonna do the cuttin', old hag? the banger asked. The old maid

didn't flinch, but said to the girl, "Whatever else, find a real man."
Two loud shots cracked, and the banger grabbed his groin. "I'm shot!"
he screamed. His ****** hands set the car to panic. With a deadpan
face, Miss Pitt turned to Manny and asked, "Und du Kapitan Scheissehaut?"

Moments passed, and Manny's eyes grew wide, and when she didn't shoot,
but said, "Ich komme zu dir, meine Liebe", Manny lunged and stabbed her heart.
They said she smiled, and said to Manny, "Danke Arschloch." Without dispute
the witnesses agreed they saw no gun, and later once the cops took apart

the scene, turns out her purse had a secret pouch that held a gun.
A Walther thirty two had shot two holes where ***** had been.
Her will required, she be buried in Berlin, with the urn of her son.
next to a certain grave; her epitath simply to read "Amen."

I wondered if the banger boys would ever have a clue
to understand that character and conscience meant more than turds.
It's a language of it's own, sadly spoken by way too few.
I knew what she meant, although I couldn't translate the words.