I was terrified of water more than I feared death,
From the youngest age,
Looking back I guess this makes since,
I was the first to climb a tall ladder,
I was the first to climb over fences,
Talk to strangers,
I had no fear of death,
It had no bound on me,
Still I was afraid of water,
One day I woke up in my little green bed,
And decided I wanted to swim,
Before my fear would make me watch as the other children did,
So what's a toddler that can barely walk to do?
Give up? no no!
I had my mind set on it,
So I stumbled right down to the end of the dock,
One little leg lifted,
Followed by another,
I was in the water,
I almost drown that day,
But death did not prevail then,
I was not allowed on the deep end for years and years after other kids,
I grew up watching,
Dreaming,
Hoping,
That one day I would swim,
My father was too busy to teach me,
My mother was too sick to swim herself,
Relatives were far away,
So I grew up in kiddie pools,
It was boring,
So very boring,
Still years later,
Even the sight of a kiddie pool bores me,
I did not give up,
Although it was drilled into my head that the deep end is dangerous,
And so is swimming alone,
And so is not wearing a life vest,
And so is walking alone by water,
And that drowning was bad,
Very very bad,
It was drilled into my head that it should be my biggest fear,
And so it did,
But still,
Me being me I did not give up,
I would grab onto the edge of the sides of my little kiddie pool,
And paddle paddle my little feet,
I could stay afloat for a few seconds,
It took me years,
Years,
To learn how to swim,
No one taught me how,
I just tried and tried,
It still took me years to not be afraid of drowning,
That still haunts me,
But I'm still not afraid of tall ladders,
Or climbing over fences,
Or talking to strangers,
I love to swim,
I loved to swim even before I could swim,
I realized something recently,
The criticism from my family,
The jabs from my friends,
All about how I couldn't swim,
Made me want to swim even more,
And I did!
They never admitted that they were wrong,
My grandma thought I was slow I'm sure,
Now I've proved her wrong and all the others,
Yet still,
They expect me to fail,
I'll just keep remembering,
How they meant to tear me down,
But instead build me up,
That is the story of how I learned to swim.

I was having grand ole time wading about in my newly found Kiddie Pool. The water had a slight blue color against the beautiful white pool sides. My life had kind of been going down the drain lately but this seemed to be a rather fortuitous find.

I happened upon it one dark day when I was not seeing well and decided to stay awhile. I had let some things cloud my vision and dull my senses. I was so happy in my Kiddie Pool just doing my thing. Not a care in the world and I was very contented… life was easy. When all of a sudden the bottom fell out of my nifty Kiddie Pool. I soon found myself trying to stay afloat in the middle of what appeared to a vast ocean. The smell was not so great, actually it was down right awful! I was alone it seemed at first but I could hear the cries of others somewhere just beyond me.

Despair set in. I felt very broken. What happened? Life happened but why me?

Something or someone had pulled the handle on my Kiddie Pool that I so enjoyed. I had become accustomed to its “ambiance” but now I was really feeling flushed.

I discovered my Kiddie Pool was connected to a greater pool that went by the first name of Cess. The things I thought were water toys floating about me were not and they were killing me by degrees. The things of pleasure were dragging me down and my future did not look so grand any more. I cried out in the darkness hoping someone would hear me. “Oh God”, I screamed, “are you really there? I am lost. Please help me!”

I was going down for the third and final time when the Ship of Life appeared out of nowhere. I was hauled aboard by the Captain of the Ship. Rescued from the “flushing” I had endured after getting in the Kiddie Pool of Life. My feet were now on the Ship of Life. The Captain washed me clean. My head became clear and I could finally see where I had been and it was NOT pretty.

“I once was lost but now I am found.” How wonderful it is to be found.

You kiss me, I kiss you
You grab me, I stroke you
On we go, *** for tat
Push inside
Fill me up
Stretch me out
I cling to you, surround you, arouse you
Still and slow at first
and the pressure builds
Harder and faster, till we're all skin, and teeth, and nails
And the smack of my skin on yours
It's a race
You pull me, I push you
You scratch me, I bite you
On and on it goes
Breath mingling, sweat mixing
Till we both come
panting, leaning on each other
This is physical, the most carnal desire.
This I understand. In this we are mere objects; animals moving solely on instinct.
It's the occasional tender touches that confuse me.
A soft kiss on my forehead, your hand seeking out mine; these baffle me.
Sometimes I wish I knew your intentions, sometimes I wish I knew mine.
Do I want more from you then the physical? Do you desire more from me?
In my wondering sometimes I think it might be nice to have a part of you,
and to give you something more of me.
But you never ask and I'm reluctant to offer.
Where are your layers?
Are we deeper than this kiddie pool we've been wading in?
What are we?
You never ask and I'm too cowardly to offer.
So we remain laying together, so close yet so distant.