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Poems
Natasha N Koucoules
Aug 2018
The word “identity” has two different meanings:
1. The fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
2. A close similarity or affinity.
I would like to focus on the first meaning.
My identity is based on who I am as a person.
It’s based on the things I do and don’t like.
My identity is based on the clothes I wear.
My identity is based on the way I choose to talk.
My identity is based on my thoughts and opinions.
My identity isn’t based on my Autism or Anxiety.
Some people say they’re identity is their Autism.
And if they’re happy with that, that’s great.
But I was just recently diagnosed with Autism.
And while I have had it my entire life.
I didn’t know anything about it.
I did, however, know that I had anxiety issues.
I’ve had anxiety for a long time, and it’s bad.
I can recognize when an attack is gonna happen.
This isn’t always the case, but a lot of the time, it is.
I know what helps me when I have an anxiety attack.
I have an understanding of what I can and can't handle.
My Autism, on the other hand, is still a mystery to me.
I know that it affects the way I think and learn.
I know it’s the reason for why I am sensitive to temperature.
I know it’s why so had such a hard time in school.
But I refuse to say that my Autism and anxiety identify me as a person.
I have known my personality way long never than both my Autism and anxiety combined.
This isn’t true for everyone, but it is for me.
This is the way I choose to approach my Autism and anxiety.
I’m Autistic, and I’m not ashamed of it.
I have anxiety, and I’m working ******* it.
But I’m not Autism, and I’m not Anxiety.
I’m me.
And I will always stand by this train of thought.
I know that there are times when my interests become my coping skills.
But when I’m not anxious, then they are just my interests.
When I’m having an anxiety attack, then they are the skills I need in order to function.
Right now, this isn’t a coping skill.
My writing this, isn’t a form of therapy.
This is an interest of mine.
I love to write, and was thinking about this, so I decided to speak my mind.
I’m happy to say I’m happy right now.
I don’t feel a bit of stress, and if I do, then one of my interests will be used to help me through it.
Until then, I’m just doing what makes me happy.
And I’m happy that I know myself well to recognize this.
You don’t have to agree with me on anything I just said.
I just ask that you respect that these are my opinions.
I’m an individual who just happens to have Autism and anxiety.
Alright, that’s all I got, I’ve just been in a writing mood over the last few days.
1. The fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
2. A close similarity or affinity.
I would like to focus on the first meaning.
My identity is based on who I am as a person.
It’s based on the things I do and don’t like.
My identity is based on the clothes I wear.
My identity is based on the way I choose to talk.
My identity is based on my thoughts and opinions.
My identity isn’t based on my Autism or Anxiety.
Some people say they’re identity is their Autism.
And if they’re happy with that, that’s great.
But I was just recently diagnosed with Autism.
And while I have had it my entire life.
I didn’t know anything about it.
I did, however, know that I had anxiety issues.
I’ve had anxiety for a long time, and it’s bad.
I can recognize when an attack is gonna happen.
This isn’t always the case, but a lot of the time, it is.
I know what helps me when I have an anxiety attack.
I have an understanding of what I can and can't handle.
My Autism, on the other hand, is still a mystery to me.
I know that it affects the way I think and learn.
I know it’s the reason for why I am sensitive to temperature.
I know it’s why so had such a hard time in school.
But I refuse to say that my Autism and anxiety identify me as a person.
I have known my personality way long never than both my Autism and anxiety combined.
This isn’t true for everyone, but it is for me.
This is the way I choose to approach my Autism and anxiety.
I’m Autistic, and I’m not ashamed of it.
I have anxiety, and I’m working ******* it.
But I’m not Autism, and I’m not Anxiety.
I’m me.
And I will always stand by this train of thought.
I know that there are times when my interests become my coping skills.
But when I’m not anxious, then they are just my interests.
When I’m having an anxiety attack, then they are the skills I need in order to function.
Right now, this isn’t a coping skill.
My writing this, isn’t a form of therapy.
This is an interest of mine.
I love to write, and was thinking about this, so I decided to speak my mind.
I’m happy to say I’m happy right now.
I don’t feel a bit of stress, and if I do, then one of my interests will be used to help me through it.
Until then, I’m just doing what makes me happy.
And I’m happy that I know myself well to recognize this.
You don’t have to agree with me on anything I just said.
I just ask that you respect that these are my opinions.
I’m an individual who just happens to have Autism and anxiety.
Alright, that’s all I got, I’ve just been in a writing mood over the last few days.
ꜱᴜᴢʏ ʙᴇʀʟɪɴꜱᴋʏ Apr 18
VAX STUFF
ꜱᴜᴢʏ ʙᴇʀʟɪɴꜱᴋʏ
Apr 18
Gallagher et al. 2010 J Toxicol Env Health A “Hepatitis B vaccination of male neonates and autism diagnosis, NHIS 1997-2002” PMID 21058170.
The study authors investigated the National Health Inventory Survey (a very large national database) and found that boys receiving the full HepB series were 3 times as likely to receive an autism diagnosis as compared to those not receiving any HepB vaccine (statistically significant). Non-white boys had a significantly worse outcome.
===================================
20. Minami et al. 2010 Cell Biol Toxicol “Induction of metallothionein in mouse cerebellum and cerebrum with low-dose thimerosal injection” PMID 19357975.
The study authors determined that in combination with the brain pathology observed in patients diagnosed with autism, the present study helps to support the possible biological plausibility for how low-dose exposure to mercury from thimerosal-containing vaccines may be associated with autism.
---------------------------------------------
25. Young et al. 2008 J Neurol Sci “Thimerosal exposure in infants and neurodevelopmental disorders: an assessment of computerized medical records in the Vaccine Safety Datalink” PMID 18482737.
The study authors determined that significantly increased risk ratios were observed for autism and autism spectrum disorders as a result of exposure to mercury from Thimerosal containing vaccines using the CDC’s Vaccine Safety Datalink.
----------------------------------------
26. Geier et al. 2008 Neuro Endocrinol Lett “Neurodevelopmental disorders, maternal Rh-negativity, and Rho(D) immune globulins: a multi-center assessment” PMID 18404135.
Mothers receiving thimerosal via Rho(D) immune globulin injection saw a significantly higher rate of autism in the children exposed to mercury in utero. Overall, twice as much autism was seen in the exposed group of children versus the non-exposed control group.
--------------------------------------------------
33. Geier et al. 2006 J Toxicol Env Health A “An evaluation of the effects of thimerosal on neurodevelopmental disorders reported following DTP and Hib vaccines in comparison to DTPH vaccine in the United States” PMID 16766480.
This study shows significantly increased risk ratios for autism, speech disorders, mental retardation, infantile spasms, and thinking abnormalities reported to VAERS found following thimerosal-containing DTP vaccines in comparison to thimerosal-free DTPH vaccines, with minimal bias or systematic error.
--------------------------------------------------------------
38. Burbacher et al. 2005 Environ Health Perspect “Comparison of blood and brain mercury levels in infant monkeys exposed to methylmercury or vaccines containing thimerosal” PMID 16079072.
Infant macaques retained significantly higher levels of elemental mercury in their brain tissue when exposed to thimerosal in infant vaccines versus methylmercury. The half-life of the mercury associated with thimerosal exposure was indefinite as it lasted much longer than the overall testing period.
----------------------------------------------------------------
39. Yel et al. 2005 Int J Mol Med “Thimerosal induces neuronal cell apoptosis by causing cytochrome c and apoptosis-inducing factor release from mitochondria” PMID 16273274
Thimerosal at levels comparable to infant exposure via vaccines caused neuronal cell death through changing the mitochondrial microenvironment. Thimerosal induced cell death was associated with mitochondrial depolarization and a significant level of reactive oxidative stress intracellularly.
---------------------------------------------
42. Parran et al. 2005 Toxicol Sci “Effects of Thimerosal on NGF signal transduction and cell death in neuroblastoma cells” PMID 15843506.
Thimerosal exposure caused programmed cell death (apoptosis) in neuroblastoma cells. At 48 hours incubation, concentrations of thimerosal typical of those present in the blood stream after vaccination caused neuronal death.
----------------------------------------------------------------
43. James et al. 2004 Am J Clinical Nutrition “Metabolic biomarkers of increased oxidative stress and impaired methylation capacity in children with autism” 80:1611.
Children with autism have a diminished methylation capacity leading to higher sustained levels of oxidation stress, due to deficiencies primarily in glutathione. Vaccines produce a very high level of oxidation stress to the body upon administration.
-------------------------------------------------------------
51. Bernard et al. 2002 Mol Psychiatr “The Role of Mercury in the Pathogenesis of Autism” PMID 12142947.
This paper links thimerosal exposure via infant vaccines to autism based on the pathologies associated with autism as well as the timing of autistic regression. Emphasis is made on the total mercury exposure to infants in the vaccination schedule used in the 1990’s and early 2000’s.
------------------------------------------------
53. Verstraeten et al. 1999 Internal CDC Abstract for the Epidemic Intelligence Service Meeting of 2000 “Increased risk of developmental neurologic impairment after high exposure to thimerosal-containing vaccine in first month of life.” This original version of the Verstraeten et al. paper (that was ultimately “watered down” before it was published in final form in 2003) shows risks of autism at 7.6-fold for children exposed to thimerosal in the first month of life compared to unexposed controls.
The study authors investigated the National Health Inventory Survey (a very large national database) and found that boys receiving the full HepB series were 3 times as likely to receive an autism diagnosis as compared to those not receiving any HepB vaccine (statistically significant). Non-white boys had a significantly worse outcome.
===================================
20. Minami et al. 2010 Cell Biol Toxicol “Induction of metallothionein in mouse cerebellum and cerebrum with low-dose thimerosal injection” PMID 19357975.
The study authors determined that in combination with the brain pathology observed in patients diagnosed with autism, the present study helps to support the possible biological plausibility for how low-dose exposure to mercury from thimerosal-containing vaccines may be associated with autism.
---------------------------------------------
25. Young et al. 2008 J Neurol Sci “Thimerosal exposure in infants and neurodevelopmental disorders: an assessment of computerized medical records in the Vaccine Safety Datalink” PMID 18482737.
The study authors determined that significantly increased risk ratios were observed for autism and autism spectrum disorders as a result of exposure to mercury from Thimerosal containing vaccines using the CDC’s Vaccine Safety Datalink.
----------------------------------------
26. Geier et al. 2008 Neuro Endocrinol Lett “Neurodevelopmental disorders, maternal Rh-negativity, and Rho(D) immune globulins: a multi-center assessment” PMID 18404135.
Mothers receiving thimerosal via Rho(D) immune globulin injection saw a significantly higher rate of autism in the children exposed to mercury in utero. Overall, twice as much autism was seen in the exposed group of children versus the non-exposed control group.
--------------------------------------------------
33. Geier et al. 2006 J Toxicol Env Health A “An evaluation of the effects of thimerosal on neurodevelopmental disorders reported following DTP and Hib vaccines in comparison to DTPH vaccine in the United States” PMID 16766480.
This study shows significantly increased risk ratios for autism, speech disorders, mental retardation, infantile spasms, and thinking abnormalities reported to VAERS found following thimerosal-containing DTP vaccines in comparison to thimerosal-free DTPH vaccines, with minimal bias or systematic error.
--------------------------------------------------------------
38. Burbacher et al. 2005 Environ Health Perspect “Comparison of blood and brain mercury levels in infant monkeys exposed to methylmercury or vaccines containing thimerosal” PMID 16079072.
Infant macaques retained significantly higher levels of elemental mercury in their brain tissue when exposed to thimerosal in infant vaccines versus methylmercury. The half-life of the mercury associated with thimerosal exposure was indefinite as it lasted much longer than the overall testing period.
----------------------------------------------------------------
39. Yel et al. 2005 Int J Mol Med “Thimerosal induces neuronal cell apoptosis by causing cytochrome c and apoptosis-inducing factor release from mitochondria” PMID 16273274
Thimerosal at levels comparable to infant exposure via vaccines caused neuronal cell death through changing the mitochondrial microenvironment. Thimerosal induced cell death was associated with mitochondrial depolarization and a significant level of reactive oxidative stress intracellularly.
---------------------------------------------
42. Parran et al. 2005 Toxicol Sci “Effects of Thimerosal on NGF signal transduction and cell death in neuroblastoma cells” PMID 15843506.
Thimerosal exposure caused programmed cell death (apoptosis) in neuroblastoma cells. At 48 hours incubation, concentrations of thimerosal typical of those present in the blood stream after vaccination caused neuronal death.
----------------------------------------------------------------
43. James et al. 2004 Am J Clinical Nutrition “Metabolic biomarkers of increased oxidative stress and impaired methylation capacity in children with autism” 80:1611.
Children with autism have a diminished methylation capacity leading to higher sustained levels of oxidation stress, due to deficiencies primarily in glutathione. Vaccines produce a very high level of oxidation stress to the body upon administration.
-------------------------------------------------------------
51. Bernard et al. 2002 Mol Psychiatr “The Role of Mercury in the Pathogenesis of Autism” PMID 12142947.
This paper links thimerosal exposure via infant vaccines to autism based on the pathologies associated with autism as well as the timing of autistic regression. Emphasis is made on the total mercury exposure to infants in the vaccination schedule used in the 1990’s and early 2000’s.
------------------------------------------------
53. Verstraeten et al. 1999 Internal CDC Abstract for the Epidemic Intelligence Service Meeting of 2000 “Increased risk of developmental neurologic impairment after high exposure to thimerosal-containing vaccine in first month of life.” This original version of the Verstraeten et al. paper (that was ultimately “watered down” before it was published in final form in 2003) shows risks of autism at 7.6-fold for children exposed to thimerosal in the first month of life compared to unexposed controls.