if i am a goddess
you are a ******* galaxy
with eyes like clusters of stars
that i could get lost in for centuries
and i nearly do
i want you in the simplest of ways
i want your entire presence
i want to kiss you but i still want to hear those beautiful words you say
because although you doubt me
you do articulate like a master
i want to hold you and fall asleep on your chest again
with your arm lazily draped over me and absently rubbing circles in my back
but i also desire sleepless nights
and barely audible conversations about love and music and happiness and life
laughing way too loud and have to quiet each other as to not wake anyone
i want your body and your mind
but if i could only have one
i would always choose your mind
and that is why i think i'm in love with you

you caused an array of natural disasters
to rage inside me and ravage my bones
the tiny ghosts of your hands
won't stop dancing across bare skin
that has never been seen by anyone but you and i
even with all the time i waste away focusing
on the scandal that has arisen from the two of us
all i really desire is you
in the simplest and most complicated, paradoxical way

the darkness of your house
this evening when we drove slowly down congress
it pales in comparison
to the shadows dancing inside my head
but the clandestine memories
of the earthquake caused by your hands
is enough to shine light
on even the darkest corners

i know how many smiles
must be shining over at that house
(good god, yours better be one of them. it's a perfect smile.)
while i sit here singing pop punk and indie songs
to myself, wrapped up in a blanket that still has your scent to it, and imagining
that you would harmonize these words with me
and you'd sit on my floor
churning out random chords on my guitar that you said was
"perfect for indie music."
i haven't eaten a ******* thing in six hours
or so and i don't intend to
because i'm getting that rush again and my brain might be
rolling to a stop on the treacherous slopes of my anxiety and
the silence of my house that is its breeding ground.
i believe that we are something astounding
and inside these rewired bones of mine, i feel
that you and i could do anything
so long as we had one another
but you're five minutes north of here
as you should be, giving thanks with a family that loves you
(i know they're overbearing, darling, but they only care for you and want the best for you.)
(and i love them too)
and isn't broken apart,
forgetting about the sad 18-year old's existence,
or dead and gone,
like mine.