I really don't know what to say,

other than the fact that I want to cut but this is a better outlet.

God.

I want it so bad. Why do I want to hurt?

My girl is asleep.

Why can't I focus on her.

Instead I have this burning desire to strike pain in my own veins.

I don't know if I'll make it tonight clean.

We will see.

I write so I don't slice.
It keeps coming back to me.

That stupid demon that tells me to beckon a knife.
And to just make one small slice.

God I hate it.

One moment I am fine and the next moment I don't know whats come over me rhyme or reason but I wan't to take my blade.

And...

I don't know.

When I go to work my manager bought us box cutters.

And although they are convenient I avoid them.

And when he asked me why I just chuckled and sighed and said I don't know how to use them.

When the real reason was
every time I held one
I was
contemplating how deep they would cut.

Waterfalls like water falls.

Slowly and yet all at once.

I feel the same way about falling in love.

Once I see her I fall or I

fall.

Forgive me for being so glum.

Hum, hum.

I am fine and I am humble.

The smell of death isn't sweet.

Discrete, discrete.

Death is but a child.

A child I kneel to and ;come, come come.

The moon falls and rises,
follow the light.

She whispers places of safety.

I burst to flames and parts decay.

I fall, I fall.

Places, places to
see.

I am undone.

Come, come.

I walk down the street, through the forest. I see ashes of those who tried. Tried to come.
come.
come.

It's over now isn't it?

I see rivers, I see oceans.
Stay uniquqe.

You don't know me.

You don't know how much I want to slice my skin.

You don't know this type of adrenaline.

I want to take a knife my skin and have no mercy.

I want to see blood run I want to see gory.

It's a terrible sickness that I have kept at bay.

But today, right now.

I want to drag a blade against my flesh.

Forgive me though,

because I live life in PG.

And I won't do that to you and I won't do that to me.

Good riddance.

Tree branches, swing sets and sun sets,
that was my childhood.

Bare feet in the sand, the wood-chips and the asphalt.

I wasn't like the other girls.

Maybe that's why I was bullied.

But even before then boys pulled on my curls like door knobs although I made a doorbell impression.

People have been yanking my tail since before I could speak.

Bleak.

Have you ever had
one of those moments.

It can be something as simple as a missing pen, a missing beanie baby.

Or maybe you forgot your phone at home.

But suddenly nothing else matters.

And nothing makes sense.

You are lost and all that matters is solving the problem at hand. But you can't understand what to do next.

You whimper and cry and you freak out and swat and people look at you funny.

And maybe you are with you significant other and she doesn't seem to be able to muster up the rhyme of reason to your treason and you are stuck in an unspeakable battle against yourself.

Those moments when you shake and shiver, when time goes slow and your thoughts thinner.

Don't care what's for dinner because chances are you're going to throw it up.

Seriously? Crazy. Crazy seriously.
At least in some eyes.

Swallow back that pill honey.
It's the only thing keeping you from jumping off that balcony.