Maybe one day you'll change
And I'll be able to see that change from the distance I now stand from you.
But right now all I can see is the same ripple of emotional manipulation and complete chaos you've always thrown upon your life
I once chose to stand and be a witness to your madness
Falling under the roar of thunder and never-ending rain
I stayed because my own love for caring for you fogged my vision

Maybe one day you'll change
And I'll be able to see that change from the distance I now stand from you.
As I walk farther away part of me hopes you will acknowledge your mistakes and take action to change your destiny
The other part in me prays the universe ends you in a fiery demise.

Maybe one day you'll change
And I will no longer remember
Pain
Sorrow
Anger
Hopelessness
Your name.

"The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you."

-Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn

Broke away
His burden.
Plough twisted.
I know, they know.

"So tonight I decided that everyday I'd try and write one thing people don't know about me.

It's hard for me to remember my past, so I associate different songs for different memories. Kisses Over Babylon by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros played when I was on my way to confront him that day. It fueled my rage and I remember feeling the surge of adrenaline as my heart picked up pace. Shark Attack by Grouplove played when I had my first magical, starstruck kiss. And Wake Up by Arcade Fire played when I realized I was in love for the first time.

It's extremely easy for me to memorize lines, lyrics, stories, just about anything. I still remember my lines from my first play 5 years ago.

I'm afraid of drowning. I even dislike drinking tall glasses of water or take giant gulps.

I've read more books than I've seen movies! My favorite book is Speak by Laurie Anderson. (Fav. movie is Requiem for a Dream)

Ever since it happened I've felt like I'm always performing. Always putting on a face and that I must always be this perfect, bright, happy, and outgoing girl. Like it would be a sin for me not to smile. I feel if I'm not acting happy and **** and smart and outgoing and cute and funny that they are winning. That the person/people who did everything they could to tare me apart are laughing at my weakness and lack of confidence.

I have depression.

I'm very empathetic, but sad to say, I rarely feel sympathy for someone.

I love a lot more people than I should. That tends to come back to hurt me.

I'm constantly craving food but I have to make myself eat.

I never intended on posting this.. but I'm going to."

Let us wonder
What life would be like if the past was different.
What if I had never met you?
Then I wouldn't be who I am today.
But I wouldn't be in pain because of you.
What if we had never fallen in love?
Then I wouldn't know the wholeness of being completed by another.
But then I wouldn't be completely in pieces.
What if you had been faithful?
Then I'd be blind to the evils of the world.
And I'd never grow strong.
What if you had been truthful?
Then I would've believed you always.
But I'd never know that lies can ****.
What if you had been thoughtful?
Then I would've known what it felt like to be loved unconditionally.
But I would never learn how to love myself.
What would've happened if you never fell out of love with me?
Then maybe I'd be happy.
But I wouldn't be free.

Let us wonder what it would be like,
To be trapped in a never ending chain of anger, melancholy, tears, cuts, hits, cuss words, lies, jealousy, pain, depression.

Let Us Wonder!

She wished for him to be perfect,
for him to be safe, and for him to love her.
He used her want for lust and comfort in his
own awful, selfish games. Never will he be
wished for, lusted for, or wanted by her again.
Once more she must pick up the broken pieces
of her heart and carry them to another.
On her way to a new life and a new way.

You have to make your own happiness.