Im about as subtle as a gunshot wound on a Thursday afternoon
and everyday when I wake I forget how to use my feet because
you were the bones in them and now you are missing

one day will I be able to say your name without sounding like
***** in a wastebasket in an office

without sounding like a dead deer carcass in a stream

last spring you took me to the park
and we walked the trails and layed in the pine needles
like nesting phoenix and I think you burned me on purpose
well I have yet to rise from those ashes

all I ever did was ******* love you

remember when your parents went out of town
and I spent the night in your bed and when I woke up at 11 am

I saw the sunlight streaming through onto your face and oh my god
you were just so beautiful

remember when we got drunk and spent the night
in your backseat after you threw up 3 times in the street

do you remember
do you even remember me

I think of you at least 7 times a day
and I always thought you were all I ever needed
but here I am now

learning how not to need you

I don't let my emotions out
not to anyone I've ever met

and most would describe me as cold and uncaring

My counselor let slip she thinks I could be a killer
Personally, I think she wishes I would
so she can write a book or something
Ah, the world of psychiatry

Sometimes my anger slips out like a tunnel of rage
and I let go on anyone who stands in my way

that’s why I stopped carrying a knife
and why I stopped thinking about dead things
and the way those animals felt in my hands while
taking their dying breaths

and the way their eyes looked
Like something I've seen in the shadows of my bedroom at night

like something I see in my smile and the sharp corner of my left canine when I cut my tongue on it last May

you could say im crazy but I'd probably just laugh
and then continue sharpening my razors

and my mother found my pistol in the living room air vent
and I almost shot her then

But here I am just writing this poem
and do you ever wonder what I really am

everyday I wear all black
and red lipstick really compliments how pale I am

I change my hair color constantly in hopes no one can ever really know me

and I never use my real name when meeting someone
I have 6 aliases and I use them all

and last year I deleted my Facebook
and now I have a twitter by the name of Wednesday Hayward

and two weeks ago I snuck into your house and left no DNA
and I wonder what you'd say if anyone knew my real name

Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.

to all of my readers, i wish you a very happy valentines day...with all of my love and some patchouli scented hippy hugs for you...((((((HIPPY HUGS))))))

My mother asked why I never cry
Cigar shaped burns on my palm
Why tears of anger
Hiding in the bathroom
or sorrow
Trying to drown
Have never crossed my face
WHY WON'T IT WORK
She said I suppress my feelings
Door slammed on my fingers
I need to express my emotions
Oh god it hurts
She said I need help
I grabbed the scissors
And said she's a *****
In the note

Once upon a dream
Their was a girl
Who's hair was spun of gold
And cheeks kissed by roses
The ocean in her eyes
And on her feet
A pair of ruby slippers
That danced when she walked
When she sung birds left their nets
And fishermen left their nests
But she had a terrible secret
That she only whispered to the moon
She was in love with
The princess
Not the prince

I saw "James" today
First time since the slow dance
I pointed him out to my darling
Turns out his name isn't James
He hid behind the mask of a charming name
And meaningless compliments
Icy eyes
Honey drizzled voice
I believed him
Every word
I hadn't stopped wondering
Wishing he would find me
Gazing into the sky
She said he's a player
*** addict
*******
I didn't listen
Didn't care
Not at first
He was the boy of my dreams
Man of my sorrow
Then she mentioned you.
Turns out his name is Jimmy
**** Jimmy
Oh well I guess I could...