Would you
Allow me
To sip
From your succulent lips
As night
Seductively slides
Against a crimson stained sky?

Would you
Allow me
To trace
The contours of your aching body
As moonlight
Tempting highlights
Your passion filled form?

Would you
Allow me
To teasingly
******
You
Until...
We're both exhausted?

© 2013-2014 Peach

“Start a new chapter”

What a cliché talk of trash,
Sick of the story,
Sick of the characters
Sick to death of the bromidic lifestyle
Of our “protagonist”,
Who’s more of a *******.

No ambition, no talent, no heart,
No anything really,
Blind shots in the dark.

“I’ll stick to it” He says
“Everyday!” He declares
But everyday becomes every week
And every week becomes every month
And every month becomes-not every year,
But whenever-he-feels-he’s-capable,
Able to apply words into a fable
Of tongue tangling and mind rotting slur.

He’ll be going out today,
Wasting money on fatty foods and
Carbonated poison he doesn't need.
And in an almost pitiful attempt
To feel better about what he failed
He’ll say “I’ll try tonight” in a whisper.

Does he write tonight? Does he ****.

I open the door

And walk In 

And sit

And forget

To write,

I look outside the windows

My thoughts collide

And a battle ensues 

I look at my broken typewriter 

And my broken mind 

And those broken thoughts

I’m just thinking.

Did I write what I had to? Or was it just another round of procrastination.

One
Have you taken your meds today?
You're drinking your anxiety like an alcoholic swallows gin
And I can see the panic in your shaking hands
but the only healing is filled with anti-depressants and sleeping pills
and numbness makes you feel like a corpse

Two
You've gotten a new scar
you show me with wet eyes
And I pretend I don't notice
Because I might just end up shouting
Because I hate that you can't stop
Because I hate that I can't understand
And you think that I didn't care

Three
You look so alone
and I try to come closer
but you've torn a gap so wide between us
that my screams sound like echoes of yours
and I couldn't find a way to reach you
so I stopped trying

Four
You called me heartless
not with your voice but you screamed it in your movement
I felt it in every corner of my mind when I stopped spinning
and all I could think about was you
and I couldn't hate you for your cruelty
because you don't understand what you've done to me

Five
I felt you crashing
not right beside me but a million miles away
and you fought so hard
but couldn't keep up
you said you'd handle it
I should've known you were lying
and now I can't hug you like I used to
and you no longer show me your scars

Last night it was terribly cold
But I lingered outside anyhow.
Walking home at 1 am, again,
I took the long way
Stopped by every spot that I could feel you in.
The streetlights still spilled light on the ground in rivers and puddles
And it was still gold
But much sharper- frozen.
It was dead silent everywhere.
I was alone, with my gloves and my scarf and my breath leaving little ghosts of your name hanging in the air
So cold it felt like it had an electrical charge.
I put on that song, and I let myself pretend you were beside me.
My fingers were stiff
And my cheeks were almost numb
But I walked slow to that song
That reminds me of you.
Wistfully I found the spot where we'd paused near the shops
And the one in the parking lot
And the construction site where we took photographs on that spectacularly warm December night.
You know
It's all closed up now.
There are walls where you stood before
And leaned close to me and made me shiver.
I shivered, remembering,
And pulled my scarf closer.
I felt lost. Even with the music in my ears,
I felt the silence of the whole world pressing in on me.
So quiet and still that to breathe or take a step was to shatter it like the gunfire cracking of ice.
I tilted my head back and searched the black sky
And while I'd been wandering the clouds had parted for a moment
And there it was, one star, bright and perfect.
And all of a sudden a smile snuck onto my lips like a surprise
Demure as a sigh, and then bold as a shout
And I was grinning, all alone in the middle of the darkened street.
Suddenly I was just so full of joy and awe that a laugh crept up my throat
And I had to hold it back to keep from splintering the black-ice night sky into little crystal shards at my feet.

I don't know how long I walked,
Slow,
Treasuring the moment,
Closing my eyes against the wind
And so that I could better remember your face.
And if some of my love slid down my cheeks
I didn't feel it happen
Only noticed a blurred halo around that lovely far-away star I kept glancing up at.
And I learned something about myself.
I learned that I carry my home around with me.
That if I really need it, it's there, in my heart.
If I really, really love you
I can remember you so completely that I laugh for joy.