I am an elephant
Quietly observing
The crowded room
Of your mind

I take up space
Sinking further
In silent caverns
Eating away at time

I do not speak
However linger
To remind you of failure
Leaving you blind

I am a master
Harboring control
Over chemicals of joy
Stealing light from your eyes

I hold the weight
Pinning down
Your hope for freedom
While you are mine

I am the end
Pursuing possession
With mindful haste
To bury pieces of you alive

I didn’t do the dishes today
Instead I played video games
And ordered takeout again
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I didn’t want to go in there

I didn’t make myself coffee today
Instead I stayed in my bed
And watched a show that I love
I didn’t want to go in there
There are gnats in the kitchen

I didn’t do the laundry today
Instead I wore the same clothes again
And the walls ate me alive
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I didn’t want to go in there

I didn’t take out the trash today
Instead I stared at my phone
And rotted with the takeout from yesterday
I didn’t want to go in there
There are gnats in the kitchen

I didn’t go outside today
Instead I let the blankets swallow me
And every day I’m more confined
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I don’t want to go in there

I get all
Twisted up
Inside
And that part
Of me
Is fleeting

Passing through
Like leaves in
The wind

Only to
Break free from
Myself
Through simple acts
Of admitting
Who I am
On this page

I don't need
Anyone
To accept
What is necessary
For me
For what happens
Inside of me

I just wish
I wouldn't
Do this to myself

I won't be getting any sleep
Until I feel my fingers sting
When everything I've felt
Is on the floor left to bleed

Until I've washed off all my skin
And I'm spiraling forward to the end
My tired soul will find no words
Nothing to define a reason to exist

This battle leaves me in a daze
Behind my eyes lie nothing but flames
The only light allowing some hope
Erodes me to dust like crashing waves

One hundred years is so long to breathe
All while searching for a way to be free
With my heart locked away in stone
The only escape is in the bottom of my dreams

I stare at the walls
In awe as they breathe
My couch is a hole
Helping me sink

My circular thoughts
Begin to dissolve
The doors creep open
An invitation to evolve

Eyes open or closed
Either way I can see
The glasses on my nose
Become a silver screen

I look out at the trees
For their vibrational touch
Tears streaming down my face
They love me so much

Strolling into the grass
Becoming one with the ground
Each blade tells a story
A new truth to be found

The clouds are dancing
In colors never seen
Taking away my breath
And giving me peace

My soul starts expanding
Reaching across space
Loving every particle
Receiving yellow warm embrace

The things that were heavy
Have become lifted weight
The reality of oneness
Eases the burden of fate

Another voyage through the stars
The peak begins to fade
I feel nothing but gratitude
For medicinal earthly change

Her face was soft
While peering out the window
Eyes Piercing the moon
Tiny diamonds shining in the light

I saw her life
In a glimmering moment
An eternity of ache
The despondent observer

I passed her by
Head against the glass
A young soul searching
For some peace among the trees

The sea of inner state lights
Hypnotized her mind
I will never know her name
But I will forever know her face

My mind thinks in poetry
I hope you understand
This is where I’ve always belonged
In the glow of a sunset with pen in hand

My heart feels in poetry
I hope you understand
This is an evolution of soul
I’m leaning into what I am

I was born of steel and smoke
Sent here from a realm unknown
Guided through the eternal core
Breathing the magma as it filled my lungs

I was shaped by salt and stone
Hardened from the depths below
Veins weaved by stars of solid gold
Erupting the crust the end begins to flow

I was made to steam and seethe
Ripping through the laid concrete
No one knows but everyone can see
A sunlit force igniting the trees

I was born of death and dreams
The ethereal womb of boundless being
Floating over the desperate streets
A plutonic revival built to consume everything

I was shaped by doom and despair
Origins beyond maps of historic lore
Intended as the light of atomic desire
The reactionary relationship became nuclear

I was made to deceive and destroy
Sent from explosions that were left behind
An eternity of rage seeped from the void
A radioactive woman reborn to breathe fire

We live in layers like the ocean
Some swim deep enough to drown
Reaching out to the warm surface
For a single gasp of sunlit air
To keep from sinking further down

On the bottom of the sea floor
Lungs filling with fear and doubt
We crave the shallow end of simplicity
A thoughtless shell spread across the banks
Yearning to dry out

A mind moves fast like a current
Strong waves keeping us bound
Living to be free like the water
We hope for an anchor to cut through the layers
So that we may be found

My abandonment issues came from me
I abandoned myself in my time of need
My inner voice says evil things
I only hear myself when I say I’m nothing

I never knew how to take care of me
Only existing for other peoples needs
Cast aside like all abandoned things
Now I’m alone and know I’m nothing

This paper no longer cuts it
And the words I use have lost meaning
My ink is drying out and;
I’ve lost focus in the goals I’m not achieving

Motivation comes from inspiration
And the fire is dying out
The spices have lost their flavor and;
I’m losing my battle for sound

If this doesn’t make sense
It shouldn’t
I’m not trying to impress him or her

My purpose is to give hope but;
That’s impossible when I’m not heard
I don’t believe in tall tales
But I can’t help but break every mirror

If this sounds like a cry for help
It isn’t
I just want my reflection to disappear

The smile on my face is deceiving but;
No one would know the difference
I’ll cross my fingers behind me
In hopes that no one will notice

If you listen carefully
And read between the lines
You’ll take this in your own sort of way

If you think this is a plea for attention
It isn’t
You just simply don’t understand what I say

I wanted
To become nothing
And nothing I became

So now
I am
And more importantly
I am not

Inside the art gallery halls
I watched you
Instead of the show

In the wet parking lot
I kissed you
Underneath the light snow

In another life
I may have loved you
But my car slid off the road

I had poems
On the tip of my tongue
Then life
Piece by piece
Cut it off
And silenced me

My voice is
Frozen in the dark
Every day
Little by little
It'll get colder
Until it shatters me

My love was your IV bag
for replenishing your confidence
and reinforcing control

You mainlined my empathy
my desire for reciprocity
and established a satisfying home

My compassion became your approval
to erode my dignity
and self-worth

Every day was a web laced with gasoline
a smolder of desire
isolating any hope

My helplessness was your nourishment
a feast on my weakness
picking the bones of my soul

You stole every moment available
throwing tantrums of demands
always begging for a little more

My strength became your virus
and I allowed it to **** what grew
proving that I didn't need you at all

Things are not
As they seem
Nature is flowing
Everything is free
I am a vibration
The one you cant see
Not for what it is
Not as you believe

Created in barriers
Of a certain kind
Removing our thoughts
Speeds up the time
I am the light
The one leaving you blind
Instantly unaware
Then caught in a lie

There are no rules
That cannot be seen
Everything is nature
Every one is free
I am the truth
The one you can't be
Millions of years old
As the wind breathes

Into a trap
I fell
From myself
Lost
In the fade
Stuck
In the grey

Thoughts loom
Black
And white
Caught
In a haze
Stranded
In grey

Watching the
Color
Move around me
Hopeless
In a daze
Frozen
And grey

Dull and bright
So endlessly
Intertwined
Yet motionless
As I
Remain
Grey

Disaster strikes
And the storm rolls in
Harsh and fleeting
Thoughts move like wind
Beating and breaking
Myself from within
Flooding my lungs
No sight of the end

Waves keep crashing
Against my soul
I’m failing to breathe
In the wake of it all
Lightning strikes
There is no control
Shouting at the weather
Waiting for the calm

Feeling is
Misunderstanding
Who I am
Is not
Who I am
Peace is
The knowledge of
Nothing
We are here
But we
Don’t exist
Restless
For more
Yet become
Nothing

I don’t match
Myself or
My home
Of nothing
Traveling back
In time
In my own
Mind
I have to
Remember
Nothing
Betrayed by
Time
We must strive
To remember
To know
Nothing

My heart
Isn't swollen
With grief
Or gratitude
I simply exist
And move through
Space
In perfect contentment
With change
Simplification
And halted ambition
Yet, still
continuing on
A road of
Peace

My soul  
Housed in walls of
Love
Even through
Much chaos
I remain in
The balance
Putting out fires
Of disconnection
And clearing floods
Of negative rain, I
Tackle each wave
With awakened hope
To continue on
This path
Of beauty and
Light

Can you hear me
Quiet and enraged
Silently screaming
Left on an empty page

War is thriving
Inside my head
Dying to feel alive
But mostly living dead

Words I can’t find
Are stuck in my throat
Suffocating my mind
Forcing me to choke

Time is persistent
Leaving us in pain
Looking for permanence
Yet spiraling down the drain

Trying to survive
Hosted by dread
Fighting for our lives
We dangle by a thread

Our battles were lost
And our joy was mislead
Existing like ghosts
Alive but mostly dead

I have all these desires
Wrecking my steady mind
To correct all that is broken
If it means ruining a life

Some of us need to be broken down
To be ripped at our very core
To be torn into a thousand pieces
And left without any hope

Some of us deserve nothing
Insurmountable tragedy till the end
I want to be the ruiner
To expel those who can’t comprehend

There is no reason for your pitiful life
If you cannot think for yourself
You are nothing and you are nobody
And no one can help

Insanity is drawn to me
By the healing energy I exude
I love with all of my heart
Like I have nothing to lose

I wish that I could shut it off
And learn to hate and ruin
Instead I listen to all of the chatter
And give in to the illusion

There is nothing I want to heal for anyone
I'd rather leave it all behind
I don’t want to be what I am either
I'd rather watch everything die

Permanently surrounded
By white walls
Nothing to put to bed
The madness that deprives me

Blinded by the white
Mental institute-esque walls
With no colors or intricate designs
Nothing to define who I am, or why

Much like blank paper
Stacked in a straight line
We are here as money pigs
To further stack the dimes

Judged by our colors we fade
Into the professional shade of white
Hide everything about yourself
You might shine too bright

Welcome to the corporation
Here is your box of white walls
Make all the money for us
With pennies in your mouth

So please be sure to keep
Your personality tight
Who you are does not blend
With our standard black and white

All I see are blank pages
With no ink to get the story straight
We are often confused by inconsistent surroundings
And incapable of perceiving our fate

I see nothing behind your beautiful eyes
No room for growth or elegant light
I hear your words and they are blank
So very troubled by thoughtless minds

Our focus is shifted towards lifeless time
Learning nothing amidst the darkness and light
We read every one of our own empty pages
But all we really know is opinionated lies

All I see is one remarkable creation
Losing the battle between fear and compassion
We were meant to be more than simple blank pages
If we could possibly see beyond our own dissolution

I don’t know who I am
Because I don't want to be anyone
I just want to live, and love
To be, and to breathe

I don't know who you are
Because I don't understand anyone
Who can't see, and feel
And accept, and continue on

We are trapped light
In a vessel without hope
Without remorse
Without empathy for the other parts of us

I don't know who you are
Because I am you; and
I do not yet, know me
Forever reflecting in the ocean of your eyes

Look into me
And you will see, love
Inspiration from inside
Parts of me I can't usually find

I don’t know who I am
But I learn more as I see
We are infinitely connected
And love will set each of us free

The universe misplaced me
As I wandered through the infinity
It couldn't keep ahold of my energy
Now I'm trapped in this useless being

Life must be punishment since hell isn't real
Nothing could be worse than things a human can feel
On such a small scale how can we heal
When nothing is solved and nothing is clear

I try to be positive and look to the sky
But I came to this existence universally blind
On physical ground I cannot get high
But home is in the stars and we all leave this behind

Living sickness
A hopeless mess
A thirst for life
That can only be quenched by death
It's hard to let go
And I'm sad all the time

Disappointed by
The inability to leave
Born with attachments
That hold me down and bind me
I just can't comprehend
The concept of family

Everything is diminishing
Putting out my burning fire
Letting darkness swallow me
And then I can't breathe
I'm so sick of being alive
I can't even think

There are no words for waves
That pull me down
To the depths of insanity
All I want is to be free
Not stuck in this living sickness
And this atmosphere of instability

I feel everything
All at once
All the time

My mind is always escaping
Chasing dreams
And blurry fantasies

Then I zone in on the words
Reeling me in
Flushing my senses

Coming back down
To earth and life
Unfamiliar with all of this

Everything is clear
Except what I believe
And the sleepy stars within me

Sometimes I know what I feel
But it can never be at peace
Impossible when you feel everything

I am nothing
But a worthless pieces of ****
If the world was an iceberg
I'd be the tip
Waiting to sink
Every sad passing ship
Solid as a rock
Until darkness hits
And it breaks me into pieces
Wearing me liquid thin

No matter how low the volume is turned
underneath all the distracting noise
when death sings her songs into my ears
they fill up all the spaces of my mind

No matter how bright and burning my soul
there's a spot that's always raining
so I can feel whole

My head is often far away
Wandering through the cosmic space
Dreaming of somewhere I'd rather stay
Amongst the stars so I can feel safe

I refuse to look down as I soar above
Riding a magic carpet made of star dust
I'll come back to reality if I absolutely must
But the clouds tell better stories than us

I've got other worlds bursting at the seams
Galaxies of love that are trying to break free
I'll pour myself out as if part of the sea
My head is always floating away from me

Do you know I listen to you?
The melodies you make
And the words you sink into me

I remember those words
Afraid, I no longer watched you
Listened to you
Loved you

But time has changed
And you still play my heart strings
And I long to watch you
Listen to you
And love you to no end

To hear your music
Watch your movements
And master the art of your body again

The musician I loved so madly

I want to scream and break my lungs
There's no need for fear
No more
I'm here
I'm with you now
For my music
And my musician

And I'll write about your beauty
How it penetrates my being
Not how I yearn for my love
And life to return
And how I want to take back my melody

I try to write beautiful words
I try to embrace what I feel
But all that comes to mind anymore
Is that I'm sad
All I am is sad

And there is no beauty coming out
All my words are jumbled
My thoughts are stale and doubtful
I'm sad
And I'm tired

My veins pop out of my hands
And my fingers are ****** and raw
My chest is as hollow as a cave
I'm empty
And I'm sad

And I'm constantly draining myself
Like a rain cloud that won't let up
Drowning everything inside me that's broken
And I'm not sad anymore
I'm numb
And that's worse

and i couldnt run away if i tried
my car wouldn't get past the city
everything holds me back
holding me in place
in space
in suspended time

and everyday is exactly the same
with the decision whether to breathe
or hang myself from the ceiling
in suspended space
in weightless time

with the crooked wings
i always wanted
to help me fly far away

but they only came out of my flesh
in my wide awake dreams
where i'm suspended
between the ideas of life and death

because the choice is always in my hands
and rattling my brain
like a rat spinning in a wheel
only mine is made of shame
and memories
and death

Like a ghost
I'll pass by the lives
Of all I've ever known
Breathing fire
In your memories
Like a garden that
Will never grow

Like a passerby
I'm passing through
Lifespans of time
Spending years
Drowning in emotions
That are still burning
Still alive

It's so hard
To stay settled
When cursed
With a travelers mind
But my ghost
Will always be there
To comfort
The nostalgic nights

Forever in my heart
If not forever
In my sight
Because we all
Must learn to move
And grow
And leave love
Behind

It's the cool breezy nights
After the warm cloudless days
With our windows left open
And the echo of trains
When the only scent
Is freshly cut grass
And the symphony of crickets
Have begun their dance
So much love fills my heart
And everything is divine
Oh how I long for the touch
Of my sweet summertime

I want to climb
The mountains of your mind
Every peak and every fault
All the cracks and steep sides
I want to feel the depths
In your crooked spine
To leave a finger print on
Every part of you that’s alive
And when you think you’ll break
And your thoughts move like an avalanche
I’ll be there to dig you out, every time

I'm so sick of looking at your picture
And wishing I could punch you in the face
You left a hole buried so deep
I hope a tumor grows in it's place
The sight of you makes me sick
But I long to hold you for days
The pain I feel is constant
This love will never go away

I want to rip off your skin
Along with your clothes
To tear into your body
Like I'm searching for gold
I'll swim throughout your blood stream
Until I find your soul
Then I'll bury myself
In your heart where I belong

We kick and scream
And try to run away
We set up road blocks
To stay at arms length
We'll lie from the heart
And fight with our brain
Until we realize
There's no hope while afraid

If only we knew
That we are enough
We would come together
Instead of beat each other up
We found the holy grail
But its just an empty cup
It's a ****** mess
Two people so desperate for love

How sad it is to be me
Stuck in the same old spot
Staring at the same old scene
Birds call me home; but still
They always leave
How terribly sad it is to be
A lonely old tree

How sad it is to fly
Never knowing where is home
No concept of time
The clouds always blocking me
From the rest of the sky
How sad it is to be a bird
Cut off from such heights

How sad it is to be me
The one little cloud
Above the vast Pacific sea
Whose only job
Is simply to weep
Until my existence
Drenches everything under me

How wonderful it is to be
To witness the birds
The clouds and the trees
If only they knew
How much they mean
How we are all naturally
Connected to everything

I have bullets in my head
Shuffling around causing thoughts of death
Clouding everything in front of me
They are all that I can see
Blood or bullets I cannot tell
The taste of metal won't leave my mouth
If I could feel or even think
These bullets might be the end of me
Instead they linger to breathe and breed
To ravage my body like an infectious disease
They hold me hostage and sing me to sleep
My bullets are always there for me
They cause me pain and bring me peace
Without them I would be alone and empty
The world seems so dark and dreary
But the bullets in my head are always screaming
All they want is to be released
If I let them go I will have nothing
So they patiently wait for me to give in
My bullets know they are my only friends

No where is where
I want to be
All alone
with the birds and the trees
To live  
in a vast space
reliant on nothing
This place
is full of doubt
and I want to be free
No where is where
I want to be
Instead I'm locked in
the chains of potent misery
I've given up faith
in our disease ridden society
Egos cutting throats
and leaving us empty
No where is where
I want to be
Nothing will change when
I'm no where to be seen

Like lightning
Your entrance is strong and silent
So full of energy
Your brightness is blinding

Like lightning
You come with such vengeance
Claiming your territory
And consuming the horizon

Like lightning
You seem to be all around
Instead of all at once
Only parts of you are reaching out

Like lightning
Teasing the poor trees
With your faraway kisses
And songs in the breeze

Like lightning
You leave as quick as you arrive
Breaking into pieces
And burning up the sky

Today I woke up in the future
I was alone and everything, changed
No traces of you anywhere
Still, everything felt the same
Your scent was gone
And the photographs were missing
There are lifetimes between
Where I was and where I’m sitting
But my eyes meet with memories
And they dance in my head all day
Until I fall asleep in the past
And you’re there with me again

I want to live somewhere else

Somewhere I’ll enjoy the air I breathe
Not this layer of poison floating over the streets
Somewhere nature flourishes and there’s life in the trees
Not where it’s designated by steel and concrete

I want to thrive somewhere beautiful

Somewhere love is present and brave
Not trampled by greed, resentment, and hate
Somewhere people don’t need to be saved
Not helpless and hopeless and full of dismay

I want to go somewhere far away

Somewhere that is quiet and calm
Not filled with distractions and brainwashing songs
Somewhere there’s no such thing as right or wrong
No fear of life and foolish laws

I just want to go somewhere that feels like home
Somewhere that I’m not so alone

How dull it is
To live in real life
Where dreams are limited
And everything dies
The illusion we perceive
Is all black and white
Shades of grey
With numbness intertwined

Life flows through me
But I don't feel a thing
This waking life is wretched
And all I want is to sleep
Sleep until the colors come
Flooding into my dreams
If I saw them with my eyes wide open
Maybe then I would believe

I opened my eyes and wiped away the sleep
I had just awoke from a terrible dream
I looked around and saw nothing but sky
I found myself on a bed of white
How did I get here? I do not know
But a feeling inside assured me I was home
A bird flew by and looked confused
He asked "What are you doing here? The sky is not for you."
I said I didn't know, I just woke up in this place
And without another word he just flew away
I laid there in wonder unsure of what was next
Am I stuck here forever? Is this my end?
And then a voice spoke, softly but sure
It said "This is where your head's been for what some would call years."
I didn't understand, what could that mean?
Is this real? Am I still in a dream?
I sat straight up on top of this cloud
Where did that voice come from?
I was the only soul around
I heard nothing but wind in the air
Consumed by nothing my mind went bare
Suddenly I felt something was horribly wrong
The cloud that was under me had broken and gone
The sky went dark and the voice spoke again
"Don't worry dear, this is not the end
I am you, you're not going insane."
And slowly I fell along with the rain


I opened my eyes and wiped away the sleep
I finally awoke from all of my dreams

Here I lie, wide awake and wasted
Within these walls, dark and secluded
Surrounded by others, undeveloped and close-minded
Comfortable and safe in this timeless space

Drained by always coming and going
The stale air has me choking
Happiness and hatred is what I'm craving
Going insane in this timeless space

Lost and misguided until I enter
Yesterday is something I cannot remember
The tension here could not be thicker
There is no forever in this timeless space

It comes so fast, but feels like forever
Almost to the end, so close to December
I feel the death the land is consuming
The cold shattering the bones inside me

My heart breaks at the descending year
A light of hope speaks and my mind is clear
Good intentions and no presence of tears
The thawing of my bones with the warmth of you here

Now I smell of ice in the air
And even the fog of my breath is too much to bare
Your swift absence left me too tired to care
Now along with the trees I fall into despair

All I have now are these bones and this skin
The death of this season stole everything within
It came so fast, but felt like forever
Nothing good ever comes from November