My face is getting round
And my hair is turning gray
I'm only in my early 30s
It's not supposed to be this way

My old T-shirts are getting tighter
And I hate looking in the mirror
I never used to have to work for it
Now I'm depressed that age has caught up with me

Laying in bed doesn't solve anything
Watching the same shows over and over
Crying that my life can't just be written for me
I have to participate in a script that can be uncomfortable

Sometimes, when I sneeze
I accidentally *** a little bit
It's a side effect of giving birth
A funny little parting gift from my kid

This body has been damaged in several various ways
I used to be smaller and more attuned
My face thinner, eyes brighter
But I have officially aged past my youth

I'm still learning to view myself in a better light
To accept the woman and mother I've become
And be more mindful of my wisdom and experiences
Because I wouldn't have these wrinkles without laughter and love

I wanted to be an artist
But instead, I have to write
It felt like a death sentence
A funeral of my thoughts paraded through every line

I used to think this writing
Was something I could not control
An entity separate from myself
Some godly gift I was made to play host

They say poetry is as old a time
So was I born with a seed planted in my heart?
Did childhood trauma unlock this age old art?
Was I damaged to the brink of another being inhabiting my spirit?

The walls must have cracked inside my head
I truly accepted I was to become nothing
Until these words kept spilling from my pen
Pouring out over and over so that I could finally breathe again

These sparks would come and leave whenever they wanted
Using my mind as if it's a vacation home
Like I'm an Airbnb or some excursion from the darkness
Leaving behind crumbs of poetry at my door

I used to believe I was not the authority
Of this treasure that I occasionally displayed
All alone with my little scraps of notes
Then, something happened I cannot explain

I sunk my teeth into this otherworldly guest
And chained them to my stained broken walls
Now the inspiration flows as if my cup was never empty
This new liberated ability that so fluently translates art

I wanted to be an artist
But my hands were not meant to be covered in paint and color
They were crafted long before the day I was born
To write inspiration into the hearts others

I was always meant to be a spout
For an endless flow of hallowed water
There was never an infiltration by an ancient angry entity
I was simply given the fate of a melancholy poet

Now that I'm in control of this limitless power
I see beauty in the wind and wide open space
Creativity can be triggered from the simplest conversation
Because everything is inspiring if you're looking in the right place

I'm grateful for this gift that was bestowed upon me
Whether trauma or inheritance, it's no longer relevant
Now I see the whole of existence as a literary muse
And the paintings that I write into your mind is where you'll find the artist

There are no more heroes
Unless you're what the media wants
No more Sylvia's or Emily's
Never another Edgar, Whitman, or Frost!

I am but a drop in an ocean
My heart will stay stuck in my throat
Fame will only come upon my end!
The plight of a natural born poet

All we know is write, write, write!
Words that wont reach until our last breath
Must we exist in this silence while forced to be alive?
We'll never know who was saved from our death!

How terribly embarrassing!
Those who sit in a fluorescent white room
Being taught what we were born to know
To love, and write, and lose!

Once I was a ghost
Floating between the realms
There was never such a thing
As light or dark or oblivion

I drifted through the gray desert
Without sun or wind or mountain sides
Desolate land stretched eternity
I stayed content as a cold thin line

Endless wandering ended my search
Though I knew not what for
A glimmer caught my periphery
And gravitated me towards a glow

My essence was then quickly surrounded
By beams of warm yellow light
I never knew there could be such a sensation
Nor any awareness of this bewitching sight

I had uncovered an unknown phenomenon
Of light and dark and density
I was delivered into a world of immeasurable color
Mountains that gleam with sun and trees

This body I found brought me elegant gifts
Such as sight and sound and infinite love
I've since become a stranger to the desolate gray
Now my ghost is possessed by life and home

We locked eyes
From across the room
Your pupils dilated

Slowly you moved
Towards me with
A keen hunters eye

From the floor you
Leaped onto my chest
Curling into a cozy circle

You looked up at me
With sleepy squinted eyes
And a yawn razor sharp

I felt the weight of
Your soft body relax
As if you made it home

My tears were then
Instantly healed from
The savory sound of your purr

There has always been
Instant ramifications held
Over me for expressing
Some of the sorrow I have felt

From the moment I began
Listening to and loving myself
I was engineered to abstain
From speaking my opinions too loud

I was finally conditioned to
Keep my mouth stapled shut
As to not face the accusations
Of how I navigate these thoughts

Now I hardly know what to do or say
With doubt laced words and actions
Living in constant inescapable fear
Of all the possible repercussions

Please tell me who you want me to be
So I'm no longer held responsible
For whatever consequences are created
Based on what you think is acceptable

Misery is a ****
To be severed at the stem
Yellow dandelions reach
And scream they are medicine

My garden blooms
With rage and thunderstorms
Dark clouds rain heavy
Soil crowded by wild onions

The lilies stretch
And shout for some light
In a war with the sunflowers
Who only bear fruit at night

I tell the begonias
To have a little faith
Not compete with the tulips
We all find beauty along the way

I speak mostly love into
My honest little garden
Pulling at weeds who's roots run deep
They are the main event of the harvest

Without weathering the storms
Sprouting innocent dandelion leaves
Little room would be left for growth
And dreams would remain rootless seeds