I feel everything
All at once
All the time

My mind is always escaping
Chasing dreams
And blurry fantasies

Then I zone in on the words
Reeling me in
Flushing my senses

Coming back down
To earth and life
Unfamiliar with all of this

Everything is clear
Except what I believe
And the sleepy stars within me

Sometimes I know what I feel
But it can never be at peace
Impossible when you feel everything

I am nothing
But a worthless pieces of ****
If the world was an iceberg
I'd be the tip
Waiting to sink
Every sad passing ship
Solid as a rock
Until darkness hits
And it breaks me into pieces
Wearing me liquid thin

No matter how low the volume is turned
underneath all the distracting noise
when death sings her songs into my ears
they fill up all the spaces of my mind

No matter how bright and burning my soul
there's a spot that's always raining
so I can feel whole

My head is often far away
Wandering through the cosmic space
Dreaming of somewhere I'd rather stay
Amongst the stars so I can feel safe

I refuse to look down as I soar above
Riding a magic carpet made of star dust
I'll come back to reality if I absolutely must
But the clouds tell better stories than us

I've got other worlds bursting at the seams
Galaxies of love that are trying to break free
I'll pour myself out as if part of the sea
My head is always floating away from me

Do you know I listen to you?
The melodies you make
And the words you sink into me

I remember those words
Afraid, I no longer watched you
Listened to you
Loved you

But time has changed
And you still play my heart strings
And I long to watch you
Listen to you
And love you to no end

To hear your music
Watch your movements
And master the art of your body again

The musician I loved so madly

I want to scream and break my lungs
There's no need for fear
No more
I'm here
I'm with you now
For my music
And my musician

And I'll write about your beauty
How it penetrates my being
Not how I yearn for my love
And life to return
And how I want to take back my melody

I try to write beautiful words
I try to embrace what I feel
But all that comes to mind anymore
Is that I'm sad
All I am is sad

And there is no beauty coming out
All my words are jumbled
My thoughts are stale and doubtful
I'm sad
And I'm tired

My veins pop out of my hands
And my fingers are ****** and raw
My chest is as hollow as a cave
I'm empty
And I'm sad

And I'm constantly draining myself
Like a rain cloud that won't let up
Drowning everything inside me that's broken
And I'm not sad anymore
I'm numb
And that's worse

and i couldnt run away if i tried
my car wouldn't get past the city
everything holds me back
holding me in place
in space
in suspended time

and everyday is exactly the same
with the decision whether to breathe
or hang myself from the ceiling
in suspended space
in weightless time

with the crooked wings
i always wanted
to help me fly far away

but they only came out of my flesh
in my wide awake dreams
where i'm suspended
between the ideas of life and death

because the choice is always in my hands
and rattling my brain
like a rat spinning in a wheel
only mine is made of shame
and memories
and death