I’m in a tunnel,
a carpal tunnel,
a tunnel of pain,
no purple rain,
you thought you looked smart,
in your designer heart ,
that Polystyrene look,
your pretentious Facebook,
but I'll watch you fall,
won’t answer your call,
I'll just hide in my tunnel,
my carpal tunnel.

so I brought my writer wife
(prominently pregnant)
to the hospital
and on her bed, she screamed:
"weren't" "hasn't" "couldn't" "shan't"
"aint" "hadn't" "you're" "isn't"
"aren't" "didn't" "wasn't"
"who's?" "what's?" "he's" "she's"

The doctors were confounded
and they turned to me and they said:
"What the hell is she doing?"

And I replied with double speed
and a violent sense of urgency:
*"Don't you know?
She's having contractions -
she's a writer"

To those who say i'm perfect; i do everything right.
You have no idea, how hard i have to fight.
I work towards my goals, but my standards are too high.
And at the end of the day, all i can say is at least i try.
I never can be proud of what i do.
No matter how great it looks to you.
And how about always failing, when everyone else sees it as prevailing.
Say i'm smart; eh maybe.
Say i'm pretty; no, that drives me crazy.
Say that's amazing; i do what i can.
Say you love me; i would've ran.
So no, i'm not perfect. I do nothing right. To me, i'm just a failure; every day and night.

Sometimes i cant b r e a t h e

and i think, maybe
there is water clogging the bottom
of my lungs

Sometimes i cant h e a r

so i try to take
the cotton ***** out of
my ears
and make the rush of noises
disappear

Sometimes i cant t a l k

when my words fall
over each other i
zip my mouth shut and
hope for the best

Sometimes i cant b e

who i want
to be
and i think
there is no
solution
to this

There's a pain in my heart,
So strong I can't ignore.
It keeps me up all night,
It keeps me up 'til four.

People know of my pain,
Know what I've lost.
But they don't know how I feel,
They can't see beneath the frost.

And while the whole world is happily dreaming,
I lay my head on my damp pillow and stare at the ceiling.

For when the moon comes to put us all to sleep,
I escape this nightmare;  I awake just to weep.

Let us play a game of chance
You can start the game
It begins with a leap, not a step
But first tell us your name

jump

A hand of chance
That's all this is
A silly game of dares
Maybe a friendly quiz

jump

Now step right up
And don't be shy
I promise we won't bite
Here's a secret (i lie)

JUMP

Lets take a walk
A scenic view
And have a chat
To get to know you

JUMP

This cliff was here
I thought he knew
But he just slipped
Yes officer, his eyes were blue

JUMP

That was the game
The game of chance
And with you gone
I will now advance.

I don't have a best friend
Not to be mistaken with having no friends
I do have some friends
But I have to the conclusion that they aren't trustworthy
Instead,  they are rather demanding
They have seen me laugh
and be funny
Talk about silly mistakes
and how others make me feel
They know that I don't have anyone in my life
and my unwillingness to dance
What they don't know
is that every day I fight
with myself
Not with scratches, blades and pins
But with my soul within
They don't know what I have been through
They have never seen the bruises still blue

They don't know
They just assume
They are not there when I am begging to up above
They are not there when I need a little love
They are not there when I have been crying for hours
They are not there when I feel like dying in the shower

Gossips and lame stuff is what they share
I continue to listen while the music continues to blare
There were many
who became my best friends over the years
Losing touch with them is what I feared
Then that's what happened
Sooner or later they forgot me
Phone calls became rarer
and Facebook our home.

Till today,  I stand without a best friend
Because I know I am whole
I am a winner
who stands alone.