A

I wish I had more self control around you

I love him

When you smile and I smile back, our little sign language of I love you and I love you too

I know it’s what makes you hurt the most

but I’m torn between a summers breeze and a winters warmth.

I don’t fantasize about our bare skins or heart racing to the thought of lips

Its more a dream of our minds merging into one body

Forever drifting with a cloud nine evaporated mist  

That’s when I call him

To remind me why I love him when you smile



B

Words can’t describe that perfect moment when you’re sitting on clouds under the sun.

lifting to the melody of silence, with breathing like strums on a guitar every so often in a corn field

As you describe your emotions for him, you describe what I feel for you

Stuck in an emotional box of me, you and our moments of heaven

As time flies in slow motion to smiles and awkward stares.

Lost to the look in your eye, I see myself banging from the back trying to break free from the paradise that are your eyes

While crashing to earth with every blink that blocks the sad reality of me, you and our moments of heaven.

Calling him at the most awkward of times, just to remind me you love him.



C

The look on her face an uncertain assurance

Do I trust the lips or listen to the words from a blink

"I love you too" makes it hard to see the half lie in a half truth

Can’t talk you have to go to bed, sleepy you were up late

Too scared to connect the dots of an unspoken truth

I know I’d see it in your eyes

If I can stand still to every wave of a tear drop

But then you call me and remind me you love me

Staring at the screen, till it uses the words I've been running from

"Missed call"

How can you admit to someone you love them
When you can barely admit it to you
This love you so adamantly condemn
That won't disappear no matter what you do
No matter what you say no matter what you think
This love stays solid and never grows weak
You tell yourself it's gone you tell yourself it's over
That the beauty has disappeared from the eye of the beholder
But this is not true and you know it quite well
That feeling like you are under a spell
The spell of their laugh, the spell of their smile
The spell of their personality that makes life worthwhile
You love them, you love them, stop denying this fact
Start living it and now start planning your attack:
I love you, I love you—these three simple words
Consume my thoughts; control my world
I wish I could be strong and that I could believe
That you would say yes, that you could love me
But I am not strong, not in that regard
So I shall keep these feelings, these thoughts locked inside my heart.

& tomorrow morning while she opens her eyes, kiss her neck to make sure she wakes up with a smile. Don’t get up & cook her a fancy breakfast that she’ll only eat half of, instead lay there & play with her hand as the sun rays bright up the room. As the smell of her skin enlightens your life. Despite of how much she criticizes her hands, let her see how much of a perfect fit they are for yours. Of how after long days of sailing her hands are the lighthouse your boat will always follow in search of home. Play with her hair until she falls back asleep & listen to her heartbeat, watch her dream. & while she’s slipping away from the world tell her everything. Of how you at times miss her even after just seeing her. Of how you melt every time she says your name. Of how every letter to hers has become everything to you. Of how she completes you. Tell her how you bruised your knuckles in breaking your walls to have her come in & sat there for days & watched them bleed out every bit of doubt yet you never emptied them out. How you refused to show her fearing she’d hurt in trying to fix them & realizing she couldn’t heal all of me. But tell her she was always enough for me. Tell her 10 or 40 years from now while wheelchair shopping, I’ll still look at her & feel the world stop. How I’ll always carry a piece of her & how she’ll always have a hug saved with me.

When you watch day turn to night
Suddenly things come to light
Because it is so obvious,
                                       Stunningly so,
The passage of time
                               Marked by the falling Sun.
The Brain starts wandering,
                                             Focusing,
     Running on wild
                        Do not ignore,
                                                replace or Control
Allow Freedom,
                          Be one with your thoughts
Why so busy?
                       Why so surrounded?
             Why so scared to be alone?
Scared of the infinite,
                                   lost in thoughts
                Daunting
   Where will the mind wander?
           Most of all...
Scared of seeing who you Truly are,
                                   Mistakes and missed chances.
But it is all past now.
Nothing more to be done.
So learn from them.
                        
                           LET. IT. GO.
                            EXPLORE.



**July 23, 2013