hot
nights
all

ly        er        ti        rata
     i         at        tat       tat
ly        er        ti        rata
     i         at        tat       tat

I-I-_I-

[{(i)}]

the endless
river of thought

it is I
the moss
rusting over
infinity

sound of silent silence
the most frighting
sound that was

ring
ring

*******
hypocrites

Nope

deep
deep
deep
steep hills of my heart

Here to burn
holes in
your plastic
happiness

We are truly enslaved
when attracted to one
who finds you
so very ugly

Tastes of beauty

Sweetly ******* on
my thoughts

Heart flutters
like never before

When I see
her

Body

Full body

Everyone will
meet everyone

Here, in this hazy land
of cigarette smoke

I
A body of white walls
houses familiarity

Somehow even familiarity
distorted itself
beneath raw cinder blocks
doused white enough
that I could see
the eyes of the past
the eyes of the future
looking back at me,
the eyes of the present

Must journey
behind the white walls
into the familiar unknown

For there is something there

Beyond walls
so very high

They
only crumble,
only die

For there is something there

I must look now
through the deep crevices
deep through my mind

For there is something there

Do I find?

I see people
I see minds
Beyond the white walls
looking back
at I

Why oh why
must I continue?
looking forward
only to
look back again

I am stuck,
encased inside
eternity

Only looking back
to find
a way out
a way out
of me

Me
I have always
been my own infinity

Inside, a prisoner
handcuffed to
the white walls
I am shackled here,
alive
kicking

Death
here in the
eternal infinity

Great intellects
dead,
killed by me

I am my own infinity

I must **** me
I will be free
no longer shackled

I am my own infinity
I am my own uncertainty
I am my own familiarity

It is me
I am my own infinity

The white walls
close in on me,
my own infinity

I do not want to change myself
I do not want to change me

I change
I die

Death’s kiss might be sweet
death’s kiss may free me,
finally

Yet
I cannot accept it
I will not

I just want to be me
but I am everyone else
and they are me
my own infinity

Everything that is
is so very much
everything that is’nt

Beyond the white walls
are nothing you see

White walls
everywhere

White walls
everything

Encasing all
of us

It is here,
it is here

The white walls
shackle us,
shackle us
to
reality,
society


There is forever
no infinity
in me

The familiarity
tastes of death
mistaken for
reality
society

The burning truth

The familiarity
the distorted familiarity
that
is
reality
society

We rely on each other
So much we shoot
each other

We are not strong
We are not smart

We can be
We can’t be

If we break
the shackles
If we keep
the shackles

I am in pieces
I am shattered like glass

I cannot do this
I cannot presume

Death’s kiss
seems sweeter than ever
(forever lost in my own infinity)

You see we
build ourselves up
so
the white walls
eat us up

until we are part of
the white walls
until we are part of
the unknown familiarity

Can I break
through?

want to
need to
break through

White walls
oh,
white walls

I’ve been punching
for so long

I am tired,
I am weary

Resisting,
rebelling

Far too long

White walls,
White mazes

Around
my infinite
familiarity


I cannot
make it out
of myself

So I
walk,

So I
walk,

This great
maze of my
soul

Humorous,
I call it a
great maze

I only walk
in circles

Forever in cycle

I’ve felt the
tears,

Fallen onto
the white walls

Hard
to tell
if they
are clear
or just another
drop of paint

Mind
loops back
on itself,
(always does)

Losing it
(finally insane)


A mad man
I am

A new coat
to adorn

Darker

Darker

Darker

Cracks,
crevices
the white walls
emit abysmal black paint

So-cold
oil,
(called paint)
I will make darkness burn
It stings,
makes a statement
deep within me

Have you ever
felt pain?

Have you ever
felt life?

Walls
I have forgotten
what color
infinity was

Happiness,
feels
so white
but
burns
so dark

Have you ever
felt dark?


Dark feels me
as I
wander,
wither

In
white darkness

II
Out of
walls,
like ghosts
come the hounds

Hounds of the world!
is this all you are?

Animals
who eat away the
stone
rubble
of my soul

Is that what I’ve
become?

Only
stone?
rubble?

White,
raw stone
crushed,
unbroken
by the
organized animals
mistaken to be ourselves

Somehow still shackled
to white darkness
I’ve felt it
I feel it
it feels me

As if to caress
something so bare-beautiful
as a women,
disrobed in the
eternal darkness
of countless midnights

Spent down beneath
the infinity of
blacks,
purples
and blues

Laying in the
leaves of grass
I am
looking at the holes
of the black galaxy
that shoot their beams
back into the
familiar infinity
of my soul itself

For there is something there

There always never always was
something there

I can hear the hounds
once again
prancing
dancing their way
down the halls of
white walls

The white walls that were always never always
there

I walk through them
like such a ghoul
and see
so much of
every nothing
White walls
they melt like
glue

No support

No support

No support

For this life,
for all who may be
in this life

Have nothing
only others

They only
have the other souls,

For they have lost
their own lives
replaced them with
others

Ayn Rand, were you right?
Ayn Rand, were you right?

I’m searching for something
I’m searching for nothing

Where are you?
Individual?

My soul
it pours out
it fills the droughts
of this eternal infinity

But does reason flow?

I only need reason
all I wanted it was


NO!

NO!

NO!

Reason where are you?

The individual,
where are you?

Only descending into
further into madness

I must live!

I must thrive!

I will break this
structure of society

I will shatter
the layers of
humanity,
the layers of
society,
the layers of
reality

I spit lightning
I inhale thunder

Ever before
more alive

A day, not a day
without you in mind

Cannot comprehend infinity
without you in mind

For it is you,
this missing link
forever lingering
in my river of thought

I'm out on it now
fishing for that feeling

Of starlit midnight
with you in mind

II
Somehow still shackled
to white darkness
I’ve felt it
I feel it
it feels me

As if to caress
something so bare-beautiful
as a women,
disrobed in the
eternal darkness
of countless midnights

Spent down beneath
the infinity of
blacks,
purples
and blues

Laying in the
leaves of grass
I am
looking at the holes
of the black galaxy
that shoot their beams
back into the
familiar infinity
of my soul itself

Wind,
you shake me.

Wind,
will you take me?

I
A body of white walls
houses familiarity

Somehow even familiarity
distorted itself
beneath raw cinder blocks
doused white enough
that I could see
the eyes of the past
the eyes of the future
looking back at me,
the eyes of the present

Must journey
behind the white walls
into the familiar unknown

For there is something there

Beyond walls
so very high

They
only crumble,
only die

For there is something there

I must look now
through the deep crevices
deep through my mind

For there is something there

Do I find?

I see people
I see minds
Beyond the white walls
looking back
at I

Why oh why
must I continue?
looking forward
only to
look back again

I am stuck,
encased inside
eternity

Only looking back
to find
a way out
a way out
of me

Me
I have always
been my own infinity

Inside, a prisoner
handcuffed to
the white walls
I am shackled here,
alive
kicking

Death
here in the
eternal infinity

Great intellects
dead,
killed by me

I am my own infinity

I must **** me
I will be free
no longer shackled

I am my own infinity
I am my own uncertainty
I am my own familiarity

It is me
I am my own infinity

The white walls
close in on me,
my own infinity

I do not want to change myself
I do not want to change me

I change
I die

Death’s kiss might be sweet
Death’s kiss may free me,
finally

Yet
I cannot accept it
I will not

I just want to be me
but I am everyone else
and they are me
my own infinity

Everything,
everything

Beyond the white walls
are nothing you see

White walls
everywhere

White walls
everything

Encasing all
of us

It is here,
it is here

The white walls
shackle us,
shackle us
to
reality,
society

There is forever
no infinity
in me

The familiarity
tastes of death
mistaken for
reality
society

The burning truth

The familiarity
the distorted familiarity
that
is
reality
society

We rely on each other
So much we shoot
each other

We are not strong
We are not smart

We can be
We can’t be

If we break
the shackles
If we keep
the shackles

I am in pieces
I am shattered like glass

I cannot do this
I cannot presume

Death’s kiss
seems sweeter than ever
(forever lost in my own infinity)

You see we
build ourselves up
so
the white walls
eat us up

until we are part of
the white walls
until we are part of
the unknown familiarity

Can I break
through?

want to
need to
break through

White walls
oh,
white walls

I’ve been punching
for so long

I am tired,
I am weary

Resisting,
rebelling

Far too long

White walls,
White mazes

Around
my infinite
familiarity

I cannot
make it out
of myself

So I
walk,

So I
walk,

This great
maze of my
soul

Humorous,
I call it a
great maze

I only walk
in circles

Forever in cycle

I’ve felt the
tears,

Fallen onto
the white walls

Hard
to tell
if they
are clear
or just another
drop of paint

Mind
loops back
on itself,
(always does)

Losing it
(finally insane)


A mad man
I am

A new coat
to adorn

Darker
darker
darker

Cracks,
crevices
the white walls
emit abysmal black paint

So-cold
oil,
(called paint)
I will make darkness burn
It stings,
makes a statement
deep within me

Have you ever
felt pain?

Have you ever
felt life?

Walls
I have forgotten
what color
infinity was

Happiness,
feels
so white
but
burns
so dark

Have you ever
felt dark?


Dark feels me
as I
wander,
wither

In
white darkness

blue eyes
brown hair

her naked
curves

I stare into
my mind

____
____
___

A body of white walls
houses familiarity

Somehow even familiarity
has become distorted
beneath the the raw cinder blocks
doused white enough
that I could see
the eyes of the past
the eyes of the future
looking back at me,
the eyes of the present

that must journey
behind the white walls
into the familiar unknown

For there is something there

Beyond the walls
built up so very high
that will only crumble
and only die

For there is something there

I must look now
look through the deep crevices
deep through my mind

For there is something there

What do I find?

I see people
I see minds
Beyond the white walls
looking back
at I

Why oh why
must I continue?
looking forward
only to
look back again

I am stuck,
encased inside
eternity

Only looking back
to find a way out
a way out of
me

Me
I have always
been my own infinity

Inside, a prisoner
handcuffed to
the white walls
I am shackled here,
alive and kicking

Death
here in the
eternal infinity

Great intellects
dead,
killed by me

I am my own infinity

I must **** me
I will be free
no longer shackled

I am my own infinity
I am my own uncertainty
I am my own familiarity

It is me you see

I am my own infinity

The white walls
close in on me,
my own infinity

I do not want to change myself
I do not want to change me

I change
or
I die

Death’s kiss might be sweet
Death’s kiss may free me,
finally

I cannot accept it
I will not

I just want to be me
but I am everyone else
and they are me
my own infinity

Everything,
everything

Beyond the white walls
are nothing you see

White walls
everywhere

White walls
everything

Encasing all
of us

It is here,
it is here

The white walls
shackle us,
shackle us to reality,
to society


There is forever
no infinity
in me

The familiarity
tastes of death
mistaken for
reality

We are all
reality

The burning truth

The familiarity
the distorted familiarity
that is reality
is society

We rely on each other
So much we shoot
each other

We are not strong
We are not smart

We can be
We can be
We can be

If we break
the shackles

If we stop
listening to
reality
society

A body of white walls
houses familiarity

Somehow even familiarity
has become distorted
beneath the the raw cinder blocks
doused white enough
that I could see
the eyes of the past
the eyes of the future
looking back at me,
the eyes of the present

that must journey
behind the white walls
into the familiar unknown

For there is something there

Beyond the walls
built up so very high
that will only crumble
and only die

For there is something there

I must look now
look through the deep crevices
deep through my mind

For there is something there

What do I find?

I see people
I see minds
Beyond the white walls
looking back
at I

Why oh why
must I continue?
looking forward
only to
look back again

I am stuck,
encased inside
eternity

Only looking back
to find a way out
a way out of
me

Inside, a prisoner
handcuffed to
the white walls
I am shackled here,
alive and kicking

I keep my breathing

                   to
                   myself

The hallway
   I walk

The people
   I see

So much
   difference

too much
    similarity

Another coat
of paint,

forgetting
the past

I've heard
    the twig snap

the crow
    caw,

ripping away
    the silence

in the
    twilight
    
of the
    snowfall

Built up
so very high
only to crumble,
only to die

Somehow even familiarity
has become distorted
beneath the the raw cinder blocks
doused white enough
that I could see
the eyes of the past
the eyes of the future
looking back at me,
the eyes of the present

that must journey
behind the white walls
into the familiar unknown

For there is something there

Beyond the white walls
there are grand structures
of such stone, of such wood
of such rainbow rays
casting themselves into
    such hollow ground
in attempt to make familiarity
solid like stone
like the golden man, nestled on
the lowercase t

The water
is deep,

do not
drown.

heart beat

such late night

the old rock
quarry

Look at
me!

Trying to
make a
statement!

Have I not
forgotten?

My own
hypocrisy?

Look at me,
oh god,

look at me.

Beneath the white walls
houses such familiarity

I have forgotten
what it was

The dead men
beckon me

tell me
their story

do I listen?
do I heed?


dead men
are dead

they do not
have what
I need.

Oh optimism,
the bluebird flies
Oh optimism,
the bluebird dies

The streetlight
so bright tonight

it stings into
my thoughts
my soul
I still know

what happened
that night

gunshots echo
screams untold.

Streetlight,
oh streetlight
the secrets that
you hold.

Scarlet,
hot liquid

brands naked
white

so hard to tell

is it blood?
is it love?

Pale-white peaches
highlighted in sunbeams
and red polka dots  

this love will stay

I've tasted blood            I've tasted milk
of battles past                 and wondered why
of battle present             I wasn't  tasting blood
of battles future              all this time

A walk in the darkest night,
my heart filled to the brim.
So thick with concrete reality
until only darkness will win.

  The guiding light is gone.
  I've never really heard
  my parents call me their
son.

human,
imperfect
human,
too hopeful
human,
you die
human,
we cry
human,
all lie
underground

i will not stay in this city of tradition
it is only stone statues who inhabit it now
slowly building a wall with where their lifeless bodies
lay on top of each other until all of time can not get in
only tradition
in the city where i have been held down and force-fed
tradition for 18 years
released at 18
but to what?
for i am only a bi-product of tradition
all i can feel is
tradition
all i can love is
tradition
all i can taste is
tradition
all i ever will be is
tradition
i am
tradition
controlled
enforced by the dictators called parents
do you know me?
you do not know me!
i only know me
you only know you
please leave me
let me be
let me live
let me thrive

let me go

alas i am cold i am stiff
i am stone
i am
resilient
i am
individual
i am
human
i am warm
burning
turning
yearning
leaving
finally leaving
they did it
im free
free to be
they let go of
me

Underwater,
I float in
slow motion

Look at me,
then
look to the
sea,

Compare each.

Both hopeless,
both nothing,
both me.

I say "Hi" because I like you.

she stung into
my brain


like the bees
scraped knees


please don't let
my heart freeze

I keep your company
   with my insanity,
            my hallucinations

Great men have drowned in a sea of
hope and faith,                     not me

i'm a burnt marshmallow
     i'm that soft mushy fluff
in between the chocolate  
    and the graham *******