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II.
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III.
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I have seen it all
from the spring to the fall
three years and one more

the yellow sheets
with whiskey staining the lips
of naked ladies

gray
&
dark green
&
green
&
dirt

I am a camera
looking through my film--
faces roll past

embedded in the ink
of time
rolling

rolling

water lily wet--
my head
to
my socks

the crackle
orange
finger tip--
****!

look at my skin
a clear paper
to be ripped off

blasphemy
to regard America as ****
I am shot by words
those bullets
living in a country

inept
******* blind
look and tell me
that we're not ******
happiness will make you deaf

people still won't see
the gunshots in their living rooms
ripping away at their sofas
their recliners they die in
sorry used all the glue

for my head to the television
I march into this institution
you tell me we don't need ******* change?
these riots
sparks to this fire

change
please never stop ******* with this higher power
it's us
it's who we are
peasants

monarchy
communism
anarchism
Jesus (**** him)
this land is stained with blood

I am grass
let me work
Sandburg
stop working
it won't stop

there is no harmony
Sandburg
you're dead
the optimism-- deafening
shut the **** up

god will not save me now
I am above that ****
glistening in the sun
do you hear America singing?
the same song since the dawn of time

we walk as dead men
we walk as dead women

scarlet
maroon more so
I am lost in cycles
and writers blocks
headaches or such
looking at this rigid world
I weep

to walk
nowhere

non-conformist
life-- a land of what if's
a romantic death

I am a dead man
a zombie in daylight
eaten by others

I am something of camera
who distributes pictures
a photographer of emotion
watching the lovers kiss
under the trees
and the light sprinkle
touch me like they do nature
grab me like love
caress me
this is my life
to bathe in others emotion
I soak it up
a sponge

the boy-- the girl
persistently glaring at each other
the *** must've been great

may flowers
may flowers
it's still raining

under the bridge
the mossy stones
pungently grab me

I am a great tidal wave of nothing
surging across the halls of high school
finding my way of colliding
with the coastal banks

tampering rigidness
of a word known as the past

darkness--
a growing boy
it's me

grass
seeps up rain drops
like a sponge
the rain falls
it touches my face
reminds me of you            
                      
                the you falls
                back into my life

looking into your eyes
I'm shaken
you have me locked in
padlocked around your
every move
I don't want this fever
my tears are ******* magma

I don't want this
alas, I run around your finger
like a fool
I am a fool
this isn't love
this is beauty

something so attractive
beauty is the drug here
I can't do this
that dress
I am a house of cards
on ******* fire

I fall for you
that ******* dress
maroon
accenting curves
that, I only dream

sunset
night midnight
lips-- contact

straight-shot
through nothing miraculously
hits something

the man looks
visual slaps
laughing

some dark blue
sun in night
moon in morning
fractured glass

I will do this
I have ran too far
and died too hard
I will make this
in the razor-vision if others
I will reflect
to prevail
it hurts so much
determinant

pour me a pitcher
I'll sip time
a slow pace

fingers-- lines of
flesh-- white bone
crystal ball teddy bear

to
the cracks
in the pavement

so imperfect
open to the sun
marry me

this sound
gears, they grind
it speaks to me
a communication unseen

screaming
of metal together
"work!" they scream,
work

looking
to these gears once more
locked in place
bound by some normality

the rusty screams
somehow clean-cut
like a knife
sliced open

subconscious--
it leaks out
the ****--
shattered

in seamless now
the seamless that's smooth
the seamless that's the same
endlessly

the substitution
the understudy
ran out of living
we turned to working

to **** us
so hollowly
until we harden up
and rust over

grinding away
quietly working
(quietly screaming)
forgetfully crying

looking around
the city streets of people
I wondered if  
they were like me

gazebo,
will you shelter
this old soul
from the whiskey--
rain of the bluffs?

gazebo,
will you keep me here
in this warm embrace
from all of the failure
of the realest reality

gazebo,
I jumped into
your red boards
it felt good
like *** or something

miles that have been
miles that will be
interwoven throughout
my heartbeats

miles in grassy utopias
of mother's day and
emotional spankings
or slaps to the face

to death
to life
let's drink to breath
and smoke to exhale

this life of stress,
anxiety
living inside
the shadow of the past

this is so real
as the blood gushes out of my nose
the sound it makes
hitting the cold tiles

those cold white tiles
whiter than the noting itself
I keep moving on
through time

in the lawn now
looking at the midnight's
in mirrors
that reflect reflections

of her embraces
the leaves wind around us
interwoven like a wicker basket
this is romance my friend

my fireside poet
who burns in the seat
Only singed him
with these words

these words
It's snowing out
these words are waning
and the cold will **** them all

I'll open up America
and jump in
I'll let it eat me

I've done it before
once before
I was little

small, a boy in darkness
vulnerable, a boy in divorce
so it took me

that monster under the bed
my fearful, little America
eat me for support

and **** me like dreams

the point
of almost drowning
then doing it

finding air
finding the loophole
luck

they like you
from atop the balcony
your scream, deadly

loved?
are you loved?
love?

shades of gray
shades of some romance
what is this ****?

fourth grade
so strange
first crush

dead in my boots
no
to say no

oh that's where
I'm a big boy now
growing on up

love
it burns my throat
found it in the fridge

I could start fires
with this stuff
I thought

fires that would
burn and burn
into the night

roman candles
that burned out
from the tears

I heard the window
shatter into memories
of dead men and the past

the bluebird flies in
and rips me to shreds
take me home

I beckon
my time here away
I'm fighting

I am escaping
escaping Alcatraz
lacking the limbs

to conform
to the wants of the bluebird
to the needs of the bluebird

gone, gone, gone
drag me away
because you did it

life just faded away
my role-model,
the average Joe
That's me
thrown into society
I'm thrown into ******* society
let me die, bluebird
let me die
eat you're ******* heart out
(I am free)
I am not free bluebird
you're controlling me bluebird
I'm locked in solitary
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to conform
to ******* conform
you are ALL
so far from being free
I'm losing it
but this is me
we're all dead
because we are all the same
bluebird
you watch me
you watch me go crazy
stay there and sing your song
and maybe after a while
I won't think you're wrong

I am nothing
so clean
never to be seen again
pushed aside by  everything else

look at me
o, look at me
I am crying
and you look right through me

love is the deepest poison
I ever did know
the struggle of being invisible
you're dead

and I'm here
off to the corner of the coffin
but the sun is more important
I am so hollow

people
people
people
people
**** people
and their dreams
of white fences
and tidy suits
and red convertibles
**** that life

oh the profanity
the profanity!
you serious *******,
do I terrify?

I’m watching
all natural disasters at once
melting all together
morphing into
this human race

american exceptionalism!
I’m dead
in my boots
walking across
the shriveled streets
of rolling cornfields
of the past’s future
of the optimism
the ******* optimism
that is nothing but words
that is nothing but hope
we can’t eat hope
we can’t drink hope

time to starve
and pretend
that we’re
changing
when we never
moved
in the first place

falling back
to the forests of
Georgia

where I'll
loose myself all over
again
again
again
again
again
again
again
ag­ain
again
again
again
again
again
again
again
aga­in
again
again
again
again
again
again
again
agai­n
again
again
again
again
again
*again

I
burden of proof!
            burden of proof!
burden of proof!
            burden of proof!
burden of proof!
            burden of proof!
burden of proof!
            burden of proof!

II
how about you
shut the **** up

academic integrity
my ***

something of cubical glaciers
rolling on sugar and water

we ride our big shiny ship
we have our big shiny hats

suddenly life happens
--we have lift off

Houston we have a problem
with gashes in time--

oh dear, we've hit
feelings of chilly winters

cold, cold, cold, cold
four seasons shot

by this icy slate
by this killer lack of hue

o, this world I
have grown to hate

I am a ball
pushed by a blizzard

in some direction
I don't know

so I sink into
this poor world of snow

moving rats
in time

around, around
the same path

ashamed, ashamed
they do not leave

there is gold on the light
they came to ****,
the hit men of this apple
oh so american

but what they wish
to rip away with bullets
the intellect
I'm falling

down into the bottom--
withering decomposition
hello it's me--
the corpse of society

It's me, the past
white paint--
no other color
supreme, supreme

hear my roar--
it's my  last breath
my heart fails
humanity is dead

here
let me die
here

I am hope
I am faith

for I died
for everybody
around me

I did not
die for me

**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
but I love you
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me
**** me

curtain
it flows

red dress
in wind

this
the
*now

The shivering, constricting;
Orange peel of this earth;
Ripped from the helm, torn.
As loose leaf from a notebook.
The layers of this fragmented heart.

I call myself scar.
These gashes are the marks; I make.
A destructive path so lovely,
So real,
Rolling like a boulder that is,

I think therefore I am.
This boulder of philosophy.
Emersonian morality.
Watch me rumble,
Hear me roar.

This deadly call,
I am big,
I am so tall.
Bowling ball to societal pins.
That never fall.

Watching life.
It oozes from despair,
Right out the window.

I disrobe the pane.
And feel the pain.
of the thick, tasteless,
Baltimore air.