You're happy when you're smiling,
I'm happy when I'm not.
You're happy when I'm lying,
I smile when I get caught.

Man of rags
Man of riches
            Rags clean
            Riches steal
So who has
So who's sold?

Sure, I’ve been in love.

I fall in love with people who buy the same drink
and people who sit three seats in front of me
and maybe
even the people who walk next to me for a while.

I fall in love with the boy on the bench outside English
and the boy  who just passed on his bike.

I fall in love with backs of heads
and shoes attached to legs
I’m in love with
voices two flights down and the barking laugh
walking past.

And I’m probably  in love with you
or have been before.
It might have happened twice
and you might have never met me.

Another moment and I won’t remember your face.
But, trust me,
I love you.

Maybe one day you’ll catch my eyes
and fall in love, too.
And then we can spend our entire lives
in love.

And in the mornings
the sun can cascade
onto our blankets
to pry us from our perfect sleep.

You confused me,
      I fall in love too fast.
  Falling into a pit of depression...

      I really did like you.
I thought, just for a second
      that you would be the one.

When you held me close to your chest
      when you held my hand so tight
           when you made the butterflies come back

I miss you, I miss him too...

     Maybe I miss him more...maybe I do
but what I miss about you
     is a fresh wound,
not a flesh wound.

My mind is like a labyrinth that I can't seem to figure out.
It will take years of wisdom, no doubt.
But I wish I could speed up the process, help time fly by.
I don't want to live my life like a lie.
I want to love and be loved without being judged.
I want to be accepted by everyone, I want to have fun.
But how can I do that when you make me feel bad.
The one who is supposed to love me regardless, just makes me sad.

What if I fall in love at an early age?
Will you disown me and send me away?
Will you accept it and support me?
Will it make you happy because it makes me happy?
I doubt the third option and the second as well.
I feel like you'd make my life a living hell.
I'd have to hide everything from you.
And that's not what I want to do.

Why can't you accept me for who I am.
Why do you have to make me feel so bad?
I am happy, is that not enough?
Do you have to crush my spirits and break my heart?
Does it make you happy when I cry?
Are you glad I am dying inside?
Do you like that I'm afraid to love?
Is this something you are proud of?
I just want to be me, nothing more nothing less.
Why can't you be satisfied with my best.

You said be true to you, but I guess that was a lie.
Cause you judge me always and it crushes me inside.
I guess I'll never be perfect or enough for you.
I wont do everything that you want me to do.
I'll take a chance and be me.
And as for your reaction, we'll just have to see.
I'm sure you'll forget me and leave me alone.
You will lock me out of that place I called home.
I will be by myself, I will have to make-do.
I will have to live my life without you.

I will never be completely and truly happy.
No, that's not possible when you've lost your family.

An alarm sounds,
Suddenly,
You're not quite alright,
Suddenly,
Everything is wrong.

But, you just fall back down inside your covers,
Pull them tighter, drown yourself under their lavender scent.
You've never been more cold.

Now, you'll only move for the promise to shake, freeze, or feel.
Now, you'd welcome an icy bath to wake up what is real.

Apparently, you set everything from yesterday aside to watch the sun rise,
Or could it be that you forgot to take your meds today,
Again?
Either way, to care would scare you.

Later, you'll watch as the pills slip through the cracks in your floor,
And think to yourself... what's there to bother searching for?

The one you love(d) can't even shatter your glassy eyes.
Sharp, you can stand still in the shards of their voice,
Shaking to ask...Is something the matter?

You are fine.
You're honestly fine.
Because nothing could ever matter.

Maybe tomorrow.

I smoked, turned music on, and wrote this stupid ****.