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a prayer i would often repeat to myself as a child was-
“God, please give me the strength to face my problems”
praying was touted as this universal solution to any issue
that you could ask for anything and if God was merciful enough
and you have done good
He will grant it to you
i never felt like i was worthy to ask God for anything specific
that if i told Him i wanted this new video game coming out
my hands would melt touching my ps2 controller
because i put such a financial burden on my parents
so instead, i asked for strength
vague, but can be applied everywhere
what strength would a child need to face their problems?
that prayer stuck with me, i never ask God for anything
other than hope, something i’ve lost
what is an ant to a purported eternal light casting eternal shadows?
asking for material things, in a spiritual fashion
ironic isn't it?
prayer is encouraged
don’t ask for too much
if you ask for that one girl, who looks at you with a supernova in her eyes
and a winter’s mist in her heart, to love you back
you will be ungrateful, and smote
God isn’t a love potion, foolish of you to assume she will bring you any kind of happiness anyways
turned to dust,
inhaled into the sky
no need for strength anymore

i still repeat the prayer to this day
the problems remain, change form, grow, decay, are born anew
but the strength, i don’t think i’ve found it
Sabeer Amin Jul 29
babies cry when they’re born,
it's a good thing actually
counterintuitive to what we would assume
a sign they’re healthy and ready for the world
my father likes to joke and say “they cry because they realize they’re born into an evil world”
there was a seed inside of me
festering, eating away at the insides of my brain
a hoarse, childish voice admonishing me because of my guilt
any mistake i would do, amplified tenfold
the inventor of the mirror poisoned my heart
my reflection embodied the hoarse voice, and everything was my fault
a tragedy, a family attacked and robbed in their homes by intruders
why did i picture myself as the victim and the perpetrator
i think i was ****** up
at a lake as a child, i threw a rock into the empty water
a head surfaced, and the rock struck them
they still don’t know it was me
an accident really, but its like i took the rock, with droplets of blood on it
stains that even the lake can’t remove
and i swallowed it whole
cutting my insides as it resided in my stomach
my acid isn’t strong enough to disintegrate it
i cried alot as a child, so much so that i think i have no more tears left
an empty reservoir, if i could cry blood i would
just to have that same sensation again, that comfort
i didn’t believe that i was deserving of good things
my life, permeated by these thoughts
maybe i have an obsession with martyrs
everyone wants their life to mean something
maybe i want to have a cause so badly, to make up for some sin
some trouble i got into as a fetus
whatever you want to call it, bad karma, a reincarnated fascist dictator
i owe it to my soul, to my spirit, and to myself as a child
maybe i’ll sacrifice myself to destroy every mirror on earth
only in ponds would you be able to see yourself
hoarse voices are muted in water.
Sabeer Amin Jul 28
if i am the pen, she is the ink
if i am a lion, she is my fangs;
she hated my metaphors
how many different ways could i write what she meant to me?
i think she got sick of being compared to the moon
or how she moves my heart like waves crashing onto rocks
there are no more words in my tongue that i can use to describe what i feel for her
she sees it as a curse
i don’t know what metaphor i could write, to ask her to come back to me
instead of writing my next magnum opus, something that could grab the attention of even the sleepiest soul
i stare at this rectangular screen, looking at the last message i sent her
a poem, not my strongest work
a last ditch effort, that if she read it, she’d jump through the screen
i’d kiss her hands, and she wouldn’t see the strain of my fingers, with words etched on my fingertips
but instead it sits there, collecting dust
like some antique, in a shop where no words live (there's another metaphor)
i left her with this
if i am the poet, you will always be the words
i think she hated my work, so the fate i resigned to her, of being my muse
maybe there was no worser fate than this
my ego sits on my forearms, and my love resides on my back
hunched, writing, crying, feeling, seething
i like to say i’m a failed poet
the person i wrote for, doesn’t think about me anymore
now my work is hollow, a facsimile of my thoughts
incoherent , rambling
if you are still reading this
i cherish and love you truly, and i wish that i was able to capture even a fraction of your smile onto paper
i like to say i’m a failed poet, i’ve run out of thoughts now
Sabeer Amin Jul 27
decomposing, fertilizer
an altruistic killer
new plants grow from flesh
does it have my anxiety?
my oddly sharp canines?
when the creatures of the forest eat from me
will they relive my memories
a lion in a classroom
a caterpillar taking antidepressants
a bird mourning a love.
if i give my blood to water a plant
my life had meaning
a knife entered me, and i gained time
my spine extends as the trunk of the tree
off white, stands out from the green
there are six minutes of brain activity after the body is dead
whats the difference between neurons and chlorophyll
perhaps in the wilderness man turns wild
why do serial killers leave remains in the forest?
a chaotic mirror, compulsion to ****
nature is both a hiding place and my confessional booth
before i grew, my eyes met my killer
the glimmer of their smile in the darkness
their canines were sharp too.
Sabeer Amin Jul 25
my eyes surveil an unconscious world
saturation, a curse
who cares if my blood is a deep crimson
or my veins a bluish hue
my sadness are clouds permeating a blue sky
pupils fear the eyelids
darkness is a danger
no color saves me there
the lens of my eye crack, reflect
they film all the mechanical details
robots moving, smiling:
all silver, all wiring faulty
my eyes are no different from a digital camera
i can never capture true color, nor true beauty
the red of a rose pierces my iris, and leaves its trail on the whites of my eyes.

her eyes surveil a waking world
deuteranopia, skewing her views
the rods and cones of her eyes rebelling against her sight
the red of blood and the green of grass blend into a singular shade
an olive, or mustard color, it’s not unpleasant
the sunset is painted differently
like God mixed different paints when He stroked his brush across the sky
the sun shines all the same
the brightness still leaves spots in her vision, and reflected in her eyes are the words
words i will never understand
the film of her eyes run out, constantly
black reels spool out of her eyes, like tears
but she smiles still
she can’t see the difference between a tomato and an apple
but the sweetness is still there
her lens have been cracked, but glued together
by the colors of her soul.

its blind to me
my eyes fade to static, while hers heightens in quality
perhaps it is why i have been staring at her,
while she stares at the sun.
Sabeer Amin Jul 4
the empty seat across from you
only the dust particles, highlighted by the beams of the sun, sit there
the angel sits and its eyes blend the sunlight
you haven’t touched your food
each fry, getting cold and soggy from their tears
your burger, greasy and unappetizing, is still talking to you
avoid eye contact, it might make you hungry

your stomach despises food, it’ll scream out till your throat burns
taking care of yourself is a herculean task, the city noise does not care if your hair is unkempt
the laminated menu sits in front of you
each stain and fingerprint on it, a time capsule of laughter and joy
you ordered for two, but didn’t expect the angel to come
the waitress smiled when she heard the order, like she had heard it before
in a distant time, in a faraway place
unrecognizable, it’s not the place you are in now

the meal opposite of you has no consumer
yet you ordered it to feel something
hoping that they would come possess the food and speak to you through it
that if you ate it, they’d live in your stomach for eternity
but alas it was only an angel
who smiles softly
who eats the food there quietly

who thanks you for the meal, and leaves leaving only a picture
a picture of us, of you smiling, of when you were full of life
and i remember how you loved
there was no light nor stars in a room without you
i put the menu away, now stained with tears
the rays of the sun don’t blind as harshly
and it leads me to a pen and paper
it says write
you are now deathless in words
Sabeer Amin Jun 13
i fear God
my parents speak of finding God in mundane things
they speak to Him through whispers
eyes closed, hands together
it was a scary sight as a child
i wanted to join them
but feared that i would do it wrong
that instead of my prayers being accepted
they would disintegrate
that the words before they escape my throat
would burn in my lungs
and smoke would leave my mouth
something unholy
that would linger in the air
suffocating anyone in my vicinity
fear that my prayers would cause the death of those i love
their well poisoned with my mold
God would punish me because of my imagined crimes
under His surveillance even the moths don’t chase lights
my words were weaker than others
i kept them down
mixing with the acid and half digested food
they never surfaced
i found God in love
or love was just a part of God
thorns off a rose plant
raw meat cut, blood trickling
the birds in heaven are carnivores
every desire bears fruit
love is paradise, locked away
it doesn’t appear to me
is it because i’ve feared God
in my prayers now the words don’t come
but my tears do, they sting down my cheeks
bystanders on my shoulders don’t wipe them away
or maybe they can’t
i have to get to heaven first, to love
to eat honey and experience ecstasy
human desires, is it earthly in paradise
do angels get jealous surveilling my mortal tears  
what is more divine
then her and i sharing a laugh
and when her hand lingers on my body
i fear God
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