When all of a sudden,
A person makes you feel so comfortable,
That you start and end your day with them.
You have got no idea about what's going on and you end up being more than best friends.
There is this relationship,
Which is more of understanding,
More of emotions,
He knows what I want without me saying it.
The very eye contact we almost everyday avoid so that non of us could see that we adore them.
The silence is more than enough to say words.
I know you are a bit more sensitive than I'm,
I know you are a bit more hurt than I'm,
But trust me ,
I would love to heal all your pains,
I would love to spend my life with you.
But the fact is contradicting.
I know you respect me,
I know you adore me,
But at the same time you think I'm far too perfect to be with.
Which at some point hurts me.
But still there is some hope,
That one day you'll understand the love I carry in my heart for you.
I may not say things,
But I care,
I may not show,
But I feel.
This relationship is way ahead of what is called a "relationship".
It does not needs any words, any explanations.
All it needs is time,
Time which we spend together,
Emotions, emotions which are buried deep inside.
And the love , love which is in our hearts, unconditional.
And so there I'm with some hope inside, that someday you'll understand.

(1)

I'm disturbed and yet deeply
comforted by my disturbed nature
I'm comforted because my darkness
envelops me-
it may be cold to the touch
rigid and upright
not soft and loving
but it's loyal
it never leaves.

Today, I'm driving
window down to help me breathe
I capture cold air in my wind pipe
I smell November winter air
smoke from chimneys rising-
when I breathe out I'm smoking too
warm air penetrating cold air
I smell November winter air
we're still in October
it's too early for these memories
I'm unprepared- it's too early.

Sat next to me she appears-
a paler, younger, thinner self
a self I'm sure has passed on
to another life
if it haunted me we'd call her a ghost
but she comforts me
shall we call her an imaginary friend?

"You look terrible!" I state wilfully.

(2)

She's dressed in a thousand layers
"You still feel the cold, eh!" I say
She winks, staying aloof
from any possible conversation
I take a tone of similar indifference.

There she is barely visible
so unafraid of death
arms striped with incisions
a razor blade left behind
hip bones, collar bones, chest bones
she's nothing more
than a white sheath coat
pulled over the skeleton of
a human body
skin screaming for nourishment
to show any signs of life.

If I asked to feel her pulse
there'd be nothing there
no beat
no rhythm
"Maybe it's why the fear of death
has left me!" she commands
"Because in your muffled confusion
your muscles wasting
including your brain-
you mistake yourself for dead." I retort
"You're 21 for Christ's Sake!"

(3)

Distracted by a red traffic light
I turn away-
when I look back, she's gone.

So here I am
talking to myself
the ghost of Christmas past
disappears as soon as my back
is turned.

When I'm alone
the silence
is always louder
than any noise I ever hear-
the silence attracts her back
I reach out to her
trace her face with my finger tips
I whisper: "God Bless,"
knowing some memories are meant
to be laid
to rest.


© Sia Jane


Read on SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/sia-jane-words/winter-air

I want to colour the skies and drown in the blue
I want to write poetry and read it for you
I want my hairs to fall on your face as we lie down smoking the last cigarette, laughing at our silly stories,
The old staircase at my home leading to the terrace,
I want to keep small pots which bloom jasmines in the hot summer nights.
The small diary which I hide in my drawer.
I want someone to read it one day.
I want you to know me..
Like no one has know ever.

I laugh like a lunatic, and cry like one too..
I wish to paint myself with colours unknown and become an art myself because people like me should come with a caution..
As I am the untamed storm and I would destroy you in the most beautiful  way possible..