I want to make love to you not this stupid pity **** trying to convince ourselves this is ok
I hate this I hate seeing you
I want to kiss you I want to be consumed by you
I'm so sick of pretending this is ok I hate this

i'm getting bad again

the blood in my mouth
tastes like the way you use to tell me you love me

feels more like
closed fists

I wasn't kidding when i said you spit ******* acid
I can feel all of my humanity melt away
along with the skin off my cheeks

tell me how much you miss me

I make myself sick with the way i don't love you anymore

I hate the way you grab me like you've got something to prove

the blood in my mouth
tastes just like you

you spit ******* acid

stupid stupid stupid selfish girl
you taste like the tone of your voice

******* bitter

get the **** away from me
i hate the way you try to convince your friends we're good people

you're not a good person
and that's what you keep ******* telling me

you spit ******* acid in my face

i don't get high anymore and you taste like *******

******* BITTER

i like to write about the way a bag of fentanyl with a big letter "H" on the front tastes like

i like to write about coming home to my wife crying on the steps as the paramedics drag my best friend's body out of my house

i like remembering the way my heart sounded just like 15 cops pounding on my front door

i can't tell if i'm swallowing back bile or guilt anymore
i can't tell if burning all the needles in my drawer was a sign that i'm moving on or denial of what I've done

i hate thinking about my friend with blue lips
last time i saw him he was snorting back three hundred dollars without blinking
he says he doesn't really get out of bed anymore

I know exactly what he means

I haven't gotten high in weeks and I'm starting to feel dope sick again

Or maybe just the normal sick I always felt before you

I mistook your lips for oxys and wonder why they keep biting back at me

The whole world tastes like morphine and I taste like I am suffocating and she tells me all the time

I helped **** my best friend and I am reminded every time he messages me

I'm so ******* sick
I'm shaking

My mother is ashamed of how I turned out and I am not the only one who knows it

She looks at me with the sad eyes I have desperately stared into for the past six years
please I am so sorry I broke you
please find a way to forgive me
please I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry

Six years I have watched her cry for me
to be better

Six years she has told me enough was enough
I’m done
please i am begging you
please be good to yourself this time
please I am so sick of finding you in hospital beds

I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry