What makes you valuable is waking away from the people who think they're special enough to be chased.

I’m on my own,
nobody holds my hand
or offers me a pencil.
It gets to be too much
is expected and not enough
is kept.
Learning feels like losing
and send offs are more like
****-Offs.

Freshman year,
I was allowed to mess up.
I weeded through people,
and found my best friend
while losing my first
love.

Sophomore year I ruled
the world.
I founded a group, we hung out
all the time and
I had many opportunities
to fall in love.

Junior year is here.
So many relationships ended
because of need and
graduation.
I have a group but I have to wait to
see them.
There has not been an opportunity for love
and I blame my own baggage.

Senior year is next.
I don’t want it to come.
Make it stop.
I can’t do this
anymore.

These are my confessions
of being an upperclassmen.
If only we could understand
we are not too young to thank
and its never too late to do the right thing.

Never thought the right thing would be
a computer on my lap and silence on Saturday nights.
We once danced and drank, but stubbornness is key.
Looking back to being young and bold its just not how
it used to be.
I'm an upperclassmen, and it feels more like the bottom of the world
has cemented me.
Get me out of here.

today I felt fine.
I rose from my insufferable tomb,
and painted on a smile
with red lipstick;
effort worn so proudly on
my quivering lips.
today I did not cry,
though I wanted to several times,
only if I had shed a tear,
shown even a small glimpse
of the ocean that resides inside me,
I would have unintentionally released a wave
of despair.
today I did not look at him,
and I'm sorry, but it did not
make me adore him any less.
today I did not eat,
not because I craved something
like collar bones or a prominent
rib cage,
I just did not want to eat.
today I walked two thousand steps:
one thousand spent pacing around my room,
another thousand running from my pain and troubles.
today I did something crazy,
I told the sobbing girl
in the mirror she was beautiful,
and she laughed back at me.
but today I got out of bed,
so that's a start,
right?

I've been taught about pride.
in this security, we tend to push aside what is significant.
but this said trait, as some say, could make you a name.
it could earn you respect and make you feel triumphant

I've always been reminded of these simple words
words that have oddly functioned well for me:
"dont go when they push you away,
leave when they insist that you stay."

but be warned;
for it could break you so much as it can protect you.