I know this girl that laughs the same way she cries sounds like she gasps for her last breath be for she dies she keeps the struggle in her bubble dead in the center of her eyes she fakes lies till u look deep down black a to a pupil of her life she hides it good but every day she wants to die  I'd rather live she screamed out the choice is mine  this is my cancer and I own it with pride

I would sit and relax but
I have to watch time fly
Are mess is cleanable
Hurt but still desire
Lust is not love
But having love does not truly mean your in love
I can't help but see
And it's all not good
In time we grow old
And knowing this
And knowing that
Are two different things
I truly be leave I will go older alone
I can not fall in love anymore
It's just disappointing
And I refuse to go threw it
My mess can be cleaned
And I will try and help
Anyone who needs it
The last girl I really wanted a good relationship with
Took the last peace of my heart
And I would definitely stick by her side
But she is done with me so I am done with dating
Only in time only in time
I will not look I will not search
I try my best when it can to relationships  
But now to me it just don't matter anymore
I live my life a single soul

It don't bother me if u don't like me
I don't like me
I never expect things to go the way they go
It's un expected
U entered my life.... life is just a fling
And that's all i expect everything to be
A fling I pushed u away for a reason
No one ever sticks around
But don't fight with me to stay in my life
Just to make me hate my self even more

A slave to love a dark time for my heart to feel  a sucker  that punishes him self from a deep pain of feeling ice cold this world is ice cold I must not become..  a four letter word that rips me to peace every chance it takes  cursed since birth is a feeling I will never learn to deal with  torments me and brings me down any chance they can I will only breath steam in this ice cold world cause me heart is to big to give up on love

Is it wrong to not trust you
Do me wrong and still love u
Want to gain it back at the same time
Knowing it's just not gunna happen
emotionally steaming trying to work it out
High and dry u left me
Hoping u understand my anger
And y I always bring it up
in my mind I had enough
But my heart is more like don't be a stranger
Can't really seem to get a grip
Feel lied and cheated on some foolish ****
I keep putting my self in danger
Just cause of my loneliness

Really y even bother
They did nothing 4 u
Take your time leave u hanging
High and dry
Really y even bother
Used u for your money
Waisted  your time
She never loved u
She never cared
Y even bother
Y even care
U did nothing to her
U tried to help
She lied to your face
Day one and day two
She played with your emotions
Hanging with other dude
Y should I bother
Y should I care
U put food in her mouth
Gas in her tank
Made u look like the bad guy
And just threw u away
She would take your money and just run away
I slept with my wallet and my keys on the bed
Left them under my pillow right under my head
Y should I have love
I had faith I truly cared
But she damaged the trust
The threw me a side
She leave me for a couple days just to get high
I spent any dollar I had on her for or with us
But she wanted more then that
She got high off the rush
I can't even bother now don't even care
I have more things to worry about
Then someone who's not their

I know this girl
That laughs the same way she cries
sounds like she gasps hher last breath B4 she dies
She sacrificed her life
for her child's bright blue eyes
She tried her hardest to stay alive
She battled her pain
To see her baby's first breath
Just to let go of the last beat in her chest
Her strength held on with every push
And now her soul lives on to make sure that child is good

I go to the end of the earth
To see the galaxies reflection
In the waves and calm waters
The ripples begin from a breeze
Still looking downwards  up
From a distance
Like looking half way threw the mirror
The sounds of the clashing white waters Magnifies  
And expands the mind like a hulusanagen
Open from all angles   u can feel each element around u
Free and exact
The night of day
The breath of the sea
The fire of light
And the land we comfortably control like it means nothing
If I can live and breath the site of a beach every night
I'd fully be at peace

i build a wall of stone
directly around my soul
with just enough space to feel free
i let people in threw their mind

The stars disappear the moon follows and the sun comes out... as long as u pay attention to the lights in the darkness u will find your way to a bright day...

Every one 8s a couple
And it's just me my self and I
Waiting for tthat hand to hold
So bold I live life alone
No one to please no one stays
everyone leaves with a peace that lays
In side my soul with in my heart
I stand alone and always apart
I wish for something
I can never have
It's always a ttaste the makes me sad

Good love is had to find... I'm unlucky.... I'm unlucky

In this I am
Life is 24\7
Waisted time is just waisted time
The wind only blew in to one chime
But they all made noise
While these ball rock
Tick tock tick tock
Holes in my sole
Shredded pants with some ripped socks
Hand me downs
From my uncle B4 my pops
Slept in a hallway on the floor between two doors
Rotten language  slurring screams
Broken plates and my squashed dreams
Seen them beat I'd sneak strait under the bed
Never slept the t.v so loud I still have the ringing in my head
So tired I'd walk to school 3rd grade on all alone
I'd sleep in class it was better then home
God I loved iss  been their  almost everyday I went
Peace and quiet got some rest
My brother was made he would take it all out on me
Never had a room I had a top bunk and half a closet
Nothing was mine if it was it would be broken or gone
**** it what's yours is mine if that's how it is I'd be happy with less then a dime .. well it didn't work courts at 12 by the time I was 13 group home time all we did was play spades and fight being the only  1 out of 2 white boys we where out numbered got jumped every other day stomped on my face I learned how to fight and respect they gave
Harassed once I got home every day cops stop no reason and search
How's your brother... even in front of my mother humiliation at worst
Every  day they would stop 6% of the time I couldn't even stash the **** I I was on probation B4 I could even read that's just a little in the beginning of my time labeled the bad kid no one was aloud near me

Rage in side... anger shows
*******.. about to throw some bows
When u speak... I will scream
I'm ****** the ******* at this human being
Selfish poor me money money money
Help me help me help me... **** that one or the other
J Put Food On THE Plate I Help When I Can I Give U Cash
And u cry full grown man... u make no sense
I heard u talking ****.. I don't need that in my life
On u I forfeit.

It hurts feeling like nothing
I ***** believing  it
Its bad thinking your nothing to no one
No one really gives u reason
Your just another tool in the bag
That can be replaced in seconds
I feel replaceable  
Doesn't it hurt when u know their is no real reason
To stick around
No one shows me they want me around
No one really does
Doesn't it ***** knowing
No one really cares

Idk maybe I'm not cut out
UN wanted

Not found in the eyes
We suddenly look deeper
Some people create lies
But truth speaks for its self
Words contudict
And gestures explain
A Lil lie can be seen
Deep in the eyes of its teller
We can only tell by paying attention

Secure by being insecure I push I pull I tug away I seen the lies in their eyes and smiling ways I'm sick I'm done I push it away

It's not a burden
For your hate
If u don't like me
It might not be a mastake
I don't need u never did
What u say.. I don't have to take
I leave all tthose behind
Contenplating who's back I stand behind
I've been on my own
For the most part
been hated my hole life
Your words won't Cause a spark
I don't want u in my life
Just positive marks
Their is no time to hate
***** what u think
I have more pain then your hate
And I know my place
I don't hate I don't talk
I have more things on my plate
Then to sit and judge
The best advice to tell u
Is just to forget who I was

Dreams of falling in a pit of snakes
Unable to move unable to get a grip
Hundreds of color shapes and sizes
Slithering jumping and hissing
In a hole six feet beneath
Twisting and curling a twig I can't reach still lying
Unable to stand
One reacts strait for my face
Quick enough I smacked it a way
Reaching and reaching I gradually  get a hold of
The branch I slowly tug
Poisines fangs i see the sight of their teeth
Slithering and squirming
No of them have tried to attack
Slowly I rise not one of them react
Heart is racing I'm shaking
No way to defend and it's my only way out
If this branch don't hold
I'll be stuck untold
With these cold blooded creatures
Who have no heart
If I fall back in they will be ready to tare me apart
I usually like to see the end of my dream
But I woke my self up
And didn't want to see
But I know what it's about
And I'm half way in to deep
Granted it's the way it started
I live for my dreams they've  helped me a lot
But some of these dreams had me feel like I was put on the spot
As long as I understand I know what that branch is
And who the snakes are not

Only if I lift  my plate and pass it around
I had no food maybe when it comes back around
I try and lift it up but it always came strait back down
I try and do good but it's just never enough
I'm not bad I do no harm I'm just heartless and always alarmed
I keep my smile but in side you will hear what I say
I have a sad soul 85% depression  never been happy
Had it rough as an adilessont beat down everyday from a passive agretion town down pulled down alway *******
Never owned **** I had it rough as a kid sleeping under the bed so they couldn't find me I was frightened to talk  but always thought y me I close my eyes I see a man with a belt behind me cried most of my tears so young that I just sit here and wait for life's out come I'm not even fighting to live I'm just living too die

Dedly salt and pepper  corn
Ring drawn out with roses thorns
Splinters an paper cuts
Can even take off the Devils horns

Avacdo and kale are super foods
Even the most unlikely can be super rude
I don't take offense or give up on them
Even super hero's can be in ****** moods

Cages and chain link fences
cant maintain any of the five senses
Thoughts can be faster the warp speed
Everyday a person can have more need
It's senseless to make progress going backward
I processed  the capability  to proceeds
Even one addiction  can turn in to more then three

It's hard to live with no confidence  and no inspiration  walls are thin one poke it caves in dream about death think about death want to leave but he won't let me  punished my hole life born in hell I drink to cope but I try and cope to much **** priorities  my life ***** some many ways to die I chose a few  I'm not scared of death but with me I think he's amused knowing every breath is torture and I'm painfully living slow

Thriving for change
Want a new leaf
Dieing for driffrent
Loosing my mind
Quit everything
But still stuck on one thing
Not fun no fair
It's just upsetting
painful just knowing
And funny it's ironic
My idiotsy  is to much for me now
Annoying I guess
I gave it all up really
Want to start all over
And I am lazier then ever
Battered I'd say I am
Beeten like scrambled
As I laugh and smile
Don't worry  
Its not u that troubled me
U didn't faze me
I knew it would happen like this
No I want to get so high
Till my heart stops
No one can change me but me
I live for the future
If feeling like I do can stop
It wouldn't matter
But I do and it *****
Opened my eyes
From a nap
I'd rather keep them closed forever

Driven by dreams tormented from desire
A waist  of matter such a waist of time
Only if I can only if I could
I can dream and dream and dream
the reality is I can
My self worth is only half of me
the other half is just a dream
I can never satisfie my self.. nore others.. that's what it seems  
All I hear is lies and lies and lies
U are no friend, no lover and u are no enemy
I do not exist.. and u do not exist to me...
Sick of thinking I can love someone
Tired of feeling schemed
Nothing can change the fact that I am hopeless
And wish everything was just a dream

I can only laugh after u made me cry so much
I do not face away or turn my back
I simply stand their and watch u back away
I am harnessed to a limb down a river that falls
Beneath is rocks crashing waters
I do not want to let go because your life is in my hands
But I can not take this.. un able to swim for u
I will only drowned eachother the brittle rope im straped too
Can no longer hold two
I untie me and tie u i can no longer hold use togeather
I let go .. i drink no longer do i have air to breath
I plunge down rapped streams down a fall that drifts me away peace by peace my feelings curupt and my heart is no longer their i have feelings of distruction  as i hit the bottom of the fall

In to the night we shine
Glimmers of light sparkle
And shimmer away
Desolved from the sun
The world spins us away
As bright as can be
We wish upon are stars
In dreams of the day
Are future are told
We go where we want
With fortunes untold
Are lives are given to stop

I've been beaten and dragged down
Raised with all types of hell
I lost my best friends
I've sat in a cell
I worked on my self
I've started over again
I tried and I tried
And I ******  up over again
I've lived on the streets
I've challenged my strength
I ran away  and I made it threw to today
Problem solving is all that I done
I took my self out of the equation.
And the problem was done
I've thought many time
And I know it would hurt a few
a few months later people will forget
It's not like I'll make history
Life not even worth my breath
As easy as it sounds
I feel that would be one thing I'd regret

After being sad depressed and hurt your hole life
It's just a regular feeling in life
You live with it
And you tare your self apart because of it
It feels like your getting stabbed three different ways with a knife
It only a feeling it's only this feeling
That tares me away from civilization
Tares me away from happiness
Ruins every thing about u
Know one cares about u when your down
And you don't realize how much the want to make u happy
But the saddened mood swings make u look unappreciative
And unthankful but truly you are
But something so good happens in your life
It's only right to feel hurt about it cause
Something bad is gunna happen

I spend way to much time over thinking
I sit alone and my brain goes on
Good bad ether one
Drinking helps me sleep
I mind my business  and easily dream
nightmares will always come
I sleep threw them until their done
BuT my mind goes and goes and keeps going on
when I'm by my self I feel like somethings wrong
I keep busy non stop till I try and sleep
but my mind keeps stressing me
It hurts me inside ànd it won't let me be
Only when I'm alone
My mind really keeps bothering me

As the wind blows
The world turns
the rivers flow
minds think
And the heart beats

Locked sadness in a room
We sleep to a fan
And dream about doom
Past few times I open my eyes
My mother knocks to see if I'm alive
Haven't eaten for days
I left my job
Just want to be left alone
Turned my ringer off
So I don't hear my phone
I closed the shutter can't see if it's night or day
I haven't smoked or go out to play
My stomach  is smaller my heart is shot
As I sit in my bed to lay here and rot
I gave up on life cause every one gave up on me
I want to start over but I'm way to lonely
I don't want to meet I don't want to see
I just want a good job where no one bothers me
I live in silence I just left all that I know
I don't want to leave my bed or step out of this home
Weak I need to eat probably an apple would do
But I don't want to see life and what it can do
I sheltered my self I just look at the fan
I close my eyes to dream about eating again
Brain turned in to a mush my hole body is numb
I'm tired of life
Lusifer here I come

Let it be
I know it's me
I hear it often
Really sour but spoken sweet
my hearts been broken  
And now it's rotting
Cold cells run threw my warm blood
I have issues yes because
U lost mmy trust
I wish u didn't do that cause u lost my love
Feeling used beat down and hurt
It's worse then hearing
that your dieing  since your birth
it's really messed up how my life works

Boiling waters bubbling
While I preheat my oven
Broil the bake
Add a little salt I shake
Flavor my life with every mistake
Throw in some sweat for a Lil taste
Work ******* preparing my self
Not one bit is a waist...

Agony and misory
Suits me emotional and phisicly
Let out the box
I'm a beast
I tare **** up
When I wake up
And B4 I go to sleep
24/7 I scream with out a peep
I'll bring u to hell and it's all my treat
Wolf on the pral looking for the sheltered sheep
Designed to Rome the streets  but I trust no one
So no one rides with me
No witnesses no one can speak
Till death do me part
No one will hear a peep
I live my life solo
Drained from the sun
That's y I live at night
With a full moon I have my fun

My reality is exactly what it seems  
Cold hot sweats creating steam
Ride alone die alone I manage my own team
A dream of dreams a Dreamer dreams
The sun doesn't shine when I close my eyes
Its never daylight only darkened  sky's
Moon light shimmers over gloomy lakes
Hidden by the clouds stars glitter the sky's
threw the galaxy I test my limits
With open minds I have no addictions when I rest
I have plenty sleep its all I like to be alone with an open mind
I'm use to the pain I feel normal alone
Unless I let some one in... but that won't happen anymore
**** the world I I can't have no more friends
I loose them all cause forever ends

Deep down we yell
Screaming for a love
Some will never get
Dragged around are feet we walk
Heads are below are chest
Yerning for company
Swollowing are throats
Sarounded by the world and yet
We get more attention. From a plant
No one is around me but many are near
Hurting in so many ways
It shows out load and clear
People ask but don't listen
Turned away cause its not what they wanted to hear
Fake smiles and silky talk
But inside we don't get it are selves
Its just the way it is
Some people just have it
Sadness is in their blood

My tears drop
Creating rain
Fogy days translucent  pain
Can't see
Two feet dropping buckets
Flooded their ain't no drain
I swim for blocks
I loose breath
I sink with no breaking sweat
My bubbles are all my regrets
I hold it in
Till my last hiccup
I spit up
Air is not there
Still lost event on land nothing to compare  
Six feet under no one knows
Stuck in a coffin under water know one knows
I try to break out
But like quick sand
The more u stress the more u sink
Stressed out
claustrophobic The more I blink
The more I breath
I worry about other who don't give a **** about me
I give them my air event tho I can't breath
And all I get is a ******* it means **** to me
I split the seas
I'm still a float locked in air tight
I can loose anything but my life
Or my money I'm a rare type

Amazing is the mid night breeze
The crashing waves
Reflections  in the deep blue sky's
A world of its own
We feel are high and relax in a zone
Hearing watching feeling  
Is a high alone
I love this time to clear my mind
It takes time... it takes time

Every day I day dream about six feet
Even when I'm sober or even when I sleep
Everyday I wonder I think of my death
I know it's gunna be painful
Maybe not as bad as my stress
Everyday I open my eyes I rise and shine
I get out of my bed and just want to crawl right back in time
It's like life is a test knowing I want to die
Just to see how long I'll last b4 I take what's mine
Everyday I daydream about being 6ft
Everyday I wonder what it would be like with out me
Got nothing going just use to walking these streets
As good as I'm doing I close my eyes and I feel dead beat
No calls no shows not one text I've been alone for months
I give it one day no can remember only to forget
Everyday I rise and shine fake smile waist of time...
The only thing really going for me is that just one day I'm gunna take what's mine

I've been threw withdraws of life
Stabbed in the back I gave the devil a knife
He's the only one who put it down
Follow me smile with frowns look in these eye
Keep the depression  hungry if they find their friends u will always be alone diseption is told no one need u and it's like that till u grow old
Every care u give is twice that don't matter they will follow some one else and throw it in your face I have nothing to give with every second I waist as long as I breath as long as I stop hopeless and heartless till that noose tightly  tightens and flows my bloods stop explode my heart and inpails my brain every day I look in my closet  just drives me insane I wish I can love I can but no one can love me only my momma will be their for me... I watched  her cry when I died cam back to life and disagree for doing it twice but she nore no one else has any idea how to live with ones self

In the end we always say good bye
Even if u don't want to

In the beginning  we always think it's gunna work
Even when It won't

But in the middle of things we realize what it truly is


And the only thing u can do is work hard to make it right
Get rid of it or just ride it out

Nothing is ever forever people grow a bond.. grow apart.. or don't grow at all

Maybe the sun has its darkest days
Shadowed by clouds
Dimming it's raise
Clogging it's passage
Maybe the moon has its light
Bright enough to light up the earth
Glowing in its ways
Radiant halos we call stars
A message to my lover who ever u are
I pray to the lands and speak for the sky's
A chance we meet again I want nothing but good vibes
The elements stand by us as we set fire to the land
And swim towards fresh air
The power we hold in are hands
Is nothing but positive energy
And would only sucssed with one another
I gave u my faith.. with arms wide open
I'm not meant for no one
Except that one the kept me focused
We met once b4 we had a romance from the start
We all have are flaws... but still hope for the best
I hope it works out and for fill  your success  
Cause I will stand by your side flesh of my flesh

I am just one Lil fish in a fishbowl
Surrounded by hooks
the glass can hold a gallon but only have 2 cups
swimming  all alone
no one near my no on in site
I get fed once a day
it's alright
circles and circles I go
My reflection is the best part
selfless and shiny
I skim the top
Broken from desire
as I bubble up some air
No one is beside me no one is around
I pay no mind I shelter in the same spot I play
no one is with me No one is near by

I only did it for u
I only hit it for u
I wanted to be on the same page
Feel the same high
Breath the same air
Wondering if we would fly
I only did it with u
Its not really my style
I just wanted u to stay
So I lowered my gard and I tried
****
I only wanted a friend
A companion
At first we where **** in great
I could of stopped u
But u didn't want that from me
I couldn't control your needs
I really would of treated u like gold
But u left me stranded for a high
I don't do that *******
U take my money and go sleep with other guy
And know that u want to get clean
I get a **** u ******* and good by

Dragged down from heartless souls
In the shadows waiting
Positioning them selves for the next move
Hard to see but out their u know
Any wrong move can set u up for failure
I feeling of bad company
Vibes and guts challenge your mind and thoughts
FForce of judgment is easy to change
No one is truly there
U alone can only help your self
Best friends are strangers and family is just a guide

Mistakes are made.. everyone screws up. I forgive.. I learn to let go.. I learn to be alone.. but I've learned never to put down.. even if I walk away I still hold them in my heart.. no one is forgotten

Seconds of desractions
Can cause a life time of pain
moments of hesitation
Can be more of a loss then a gain
Often we challenge are time
but your decisions  can effect
Anyone's life
with a drop of a dime
U can think twice it's only a choice
the wrong risk can take away a voice

Tears from the sky's
Drops falling  down
Soaking into the earth
Deep down inside

The gray clouds in a black sky
Flashes screaming out loud
Letting out what was soaked up
From deep down

If I could speak to god
I wouldn't beg or demand
I simply come forth
or sstay ware I stand
I am not mad about what happened in the past
it seems like u put me on a road u can easily  crash
Forced on to a bad road
It's like u just threw me in trash
My decisions  my own when the choices where made
Not to smart got expelled in first grade
couldn't read till the middle of middle
I got tested every day by being belittled
It's not a thing about the past what's done is done
BuT ware am I going who have I become
Why am I in hell how long will this punishment last
I made a wrong turn as soon as I left that woum
Not all the choices where mine
It's the cards that u dealt
I can't seem to get a grip
Or ever work anything out
That's how I feel that's always what I felt
Got the short end of the stick
Right when I was born in this hell
I have so little questions and I know the answers will dwell
Can u help brighten my days
let me in on some faith
Cause I'm digging a hole with a shot gun to my face
I would like things to get better change for the best
Find some good friends and get out of this mess

Peace by peace
Every person I meet
takes all bit of my heart

Day by day
every time that I pray
He throws m3 in the middle of a game

Time after time
I fall for a trick
And my flaws act up
And forever with me they stick

ALL my life I've looked for a friend
But in the end I just get treated ****