I crave the silences that fill the air around me
Along with the solitude that usually accompanies it.
They are my friends.
They comfort me when the world starts to scream.
Sometimes I need them,
But too often solitude becomes loneliness
And the silences become deafening.
That is the true curse of an introvert.
Wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely.

The rain is racing down the window behind me
With a cup of warm tea sitting on the side.
I am propelled through the pages of the book that I hold in my clenched hands.
I am leading a charge into battle.
Storming the infallible towers that I ensure will fall by first light.
I am embracing my sweetheart
After a separation that seemed like a lifetime.
I am slaying the dragon
And saving the enslaved kingdom.
I am holding my love's hand
As we run through the night to places unknown.
The rain is beating against the window,
Yet I am warm living the lives of hundreds of others.

I like order
I know that's not odd, it just needed to be said
I like to connect the dots
And make pictures out of the chaos inside of my head
I like to write lists
And alphabetize all of the things separating me from sleep
I like to organize
The pervading themes that I conjure in my dreams
I like to file and store things away
Only to be brought up on a cold rainy day
I like to bookmark
All the brilliant things I could possibly say
I like to highlight and underline
All of the empty spaces between reality and me
I like to document and record
All of the differences that I can't see
I like to graph
Demographics that don't include me
And I like to study
just how odd order can truly be.

I want my last words to be remembered.
I want them to be so grandiose that it is like a gunshot through future generations.
I want it to reverberate beyond the time that my mortal coil is shed
And live on in the hearts of man
I want them to be cross stitched on the pillows that line retirement homes.
I want them to be the ashes from which a revolution is born
The fertile ground from which peace may grow.
I want them to be the muse that inspires creative thought.
I want to live vicariously through those few sentences that leave my mouth alongside my last breaths, but then I think better of it.
I want my last words to be a whisper,
I want them to barely make it past my lips.
I want them to sooth hatred and calm anger.
I want them to lull the aching soul.
I want them to point the way my spirit will leave.
To the father, who is waiting for me.

My beautiful sister
Don't ever let the world tell you that you are less
Anything less than the truly dazzling blessing you have been to me
Don't ever let someone convince you that you aren't good enough
Because you have always been more than enough to help in times of need
And don't ever let the weight of the world weigh you down
For I will always be there to lift you up
You are so much more than you would ever admit
So much more radiant than the mirror will ever be able to reflect
Stronger than all of the stones the world will throw at you
So next time someone tries to pull you down
Keep all of this in mind
You are truly beautiful
More so than I could ever describe.

I have to translate this emptiness into something tangible
Something I can easily digest
Because, currently, it is choking me
I want to see this beast with my own eyes
To stop those mind numbing questions
That have me drowning in self doubt
Am I sane?
Is this real?
Because it sure is real enough to lay me out on the ground
Questioning the reality of the stars watching me from great distances away
Sanity, such a fleeting thing.
Decided by culture and the forces that be.
It is hard to think outside of the box
When it would leave you drowning in the sea.

The lights go out. Darkness swallows me,
Then spits me out for I don't quite fill it's exquisite palate.