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41 · Apr 8
closed
Rubyredheart Apr 8
This one is different
Deeper, harder, more intensely lost
Ended, final, hopeless
What do I know?
Nothing
Just floating in space
I could end here
Gazing out into this fantastical void
Still I look to see the mirage of you
Hope is a wonderfully nice feeling
Too often false
It was nice to fake it while it lasted
But all good things, like silly hopes,
Must end
So goodbye, my beloved dream
I’ll miss pretending You were real


3.1.25
41 · May 8
always know
Rubyredheart May 8
No one I have ever known can even near compare
to the total hold you have on my heart

You are my perfect
You personify my every dream
You are the only one I desire

Always
Always
Always
Know
You are the One for me
originally written 10th Nov 2024
39 · Apr 18
Truth
Rubyredheart Apr 18
Anger, hurt, sorrow
Write my tears
Through oh so many years
Of loving, needing, seeking you
Yes, I’m angry, hurt & sad now
Seeing how
You disappeared
Mournfully I wonder,
Can you truly be a friend
when dealing hurt again & again?
It’s quite simple my desire—
of your words I do not tire
Return…
I ask
Return
39 · May 8
My Daydream
Rubyredheart May 8
I want to taste the edges of your lips
Touch your desire with light fingertips
Bring your breath close against my neck
Dust your warm breeze of need across my hungry breast
Come
Crush your strength into me
Surround me
Voice of passion
Hear my siren’s call
Fall
Into my love
Into my flame
Let me hear your need again
In moments of Together
forever
Love,
Dream into my daydream
&… let there be "beyond"…
I wait
In my daydream
Come
originally written 4th Nov 2024
38 · May 8
do you know?
Rubyredheart May 8
have you a clue how much,
how very much I DO love you?

I love you
crave you
adore you
want you
need you
desire you
seek you
cling to you…

with aching constant in your absence…
"incomplete" best describes
this existence without you…

Sapiosexual I am for you--
Your beautiful mind & heart & soul
they ever draw me closer

still I know,
that even if deranged you grow
I will ever love the core of you

You are my Missing Piece
You are my Someday Dream
You are my love
my forever Love
originally written 29th Aug 2024
38 · Apr 15
Good Morning, Love,
Rubyredheart Apr 15
I woke up in the early morning hours
Insomnia—such a ***** sometimes
But this time, I didn’t mind
All was quiet
Even my thoughts were calm
Deep in waking dreams of love
I relished the alone hour with you

I wonder: Was your mind with me too?

Good morning, Love,
Today I woke up twice to you,
Making it a morning with a double shot of "good".

I hope my love
blankets you with peace and comfort as you sleep
So that you, too, might wake
to a double shot of "good"
when your morning rises.
written 7th Jan 2023
38 · Apr 15
I Fantasize...
Rubyredheart Apr 15
You design a portal transcending space & time…
We’re there together now & then…
& in this Now, I enter…
Your blue, melancholy deep-set eyes await.
Sighs escape as we embrace.

Long I’m held in your long arms
As long my heart has held to hope.
Blood rushes;
Hearts beat faster, stronger.
In our shared presence bodies flush;
Faces blush.
Words catch in our speechless mouths
so we speak through touch
sentiments so long unsaid.
We find a perfect room, a bed.
You sit cross-legged facing me (like so long ago)
Secrets pour through channels that connect our souls
Forevermore.
As hearts collide in breathless bursting,
fireworks of feelings,
curvatures collide
joined by passion
rhythmic motion
our bodies, hearts, and souls are one
in that moment.

Spent
We part with lingering look and touch
Knowing we will meet again
when next the portal opens
written 28th Nov 2021
38 · May 8
Addiction
Rubyredheart May 8
Yes, I confess
Addiction

I am addicted to images of you—
my eyes trace the lines of your lips,
imagined kiss;
memory feels how soft your hair;
mental fingers cradle round the edges
of your enchanting face;
your strong chest beckons to embrace;
large, safe, secure hands to hold,
fingers interlaced.

Yes, I confess,
I am addicted to visions of you
to being lost in the ever-changing blue,
the secrets beautiful
in your eyes.

Feed, Love, feed this craving need
for more snapshots
more frozen moments
more memories & more dreams
of you.
originally written 12th Dec 2024
37 · Apr 16
From the heart
Rubyredheart Apr 16
I’m sorry for not hearing
When life was stressful
When your loved ones were hurting
Or when one had hurt you.

I’m sorry for worrying that what you might
or might not choose to do could affect me
more than considering the pain you suffered

I’m sorry for being impatient.
I’m sorry for being needy.

I’m sorry for relating stories--
knives that sliced your heart

I’m sorry for making it all about me.

I’m sorry for not being there
when you looked for a friend;
& for being there too loudly
as I searched for a listening caring ear.

I’m sorry I lack the skill
You apparently acquired through the years
of sealing the past in a photo book
forgotten on a shelf.

I’m sorry for wanting to roll back the tape
then sit wrapped up on the couch with you.

I’m sorry I still haven’t erased your life
from the plethora of "Someday" snapshots.
I’m sorry for wanting a redo
of all those times in the past when
I wasn’t a very good friend.

I know you are different...
but so am I.
I am so very very sorry for all those ways
I hurt you.
I’m trying to grow into a better me.
I just wish we could meet each other
as Who we each are today
I do believe that if we did
we would only be better Friends.
written 1st May 2022
37 · May 8
incomplete
Rubyredheart May 8
Such a good life!
yet incomplete
when you are not Featured
in my life
when you are not mine

You are my Eventuality
originally written 7th Oct 2024
37 · May 8
Do you know?
Rubyredheart May 8
How very much I want
YOU
to be my everything--
My favorite memories
My present & my future
I want my “ours” to be with you

I love you more than words can say
Then
Now
&
Always
originally written 6th Nov 2024
Rubyredheart Apr 17
Constricted
Restricted
Predicted
I Sigh
Addicted
conflicted
Resisted
a cry
Erase
Need space
Retrace
Still try
but why?!
Convicted
Depicted
Existed
A lie?
another good-bye?

Unspoken.
No token.

once broken
twice shy
34 · May 7
Red Light
Rubyredheart May 7
Would you linger with me
Soft lips meeting
Savoring the stolen moments
of red-light kisses Someday?

I’m saving them all for you…

My thoughts will fly your way  
At each red light each & every day
as in dreams I’ll wait
Originally written 21st Feb 2024
33 · Apr 15
Imperfect Night
Rubyredheart Apr 15
Again…
I’d rather dream of you as I fight sleep
than rest and wake
knowing you are forever gone.

Wakeful in this midnight hour
I remember the dream that was reality.
Yes, those recollections most relived,
my favorite dreams
still wash ashore.
They have scraped deep paths of memory in my mind.
Now, for this microsecond moment
I am yours and you are mine
in my mind
there I am happy
& you are at peace.

The memory passes
I rouse from this waking dream
and resign myself to sleep in this reality
where you do not exist for me as I desire,
& sadly never will

Heartbroken, I cry
exhale a whisper
“goodnight”
written 31st Jan 2022
32 · May 1
Untitled
Rubyredheart May 1
Though it’s probably untrue
that you think of me so little
It doesn’t really matter;
What really matters is
you would have me BELIEVE it’s true.
Which probably means,
you don’t WANT to think of me
30 · 6d
Worth More
5 months effort to my 20 years
before the mask of kindness dropped

“Speak 7 positives for every negative,”
instructed he who floundered
finding single words of kindness
through my many years of grace & deference.

“was proud of you
renovating…you removed a toilet alone…”
(***?! that was circa ‘04!)
offer rejected!

just fly back to Korea already
spare me the stench of destructive sentiments
marinated in days-old garlic sweat
I’m worth more!
where’s bolt cutter?
just feeling a little bitter & cynical right now. Looks like the sun is trying to burn off the clouds & hopefully I’ll find pleasant flowers to scent some hours with optimism.  Regardless, I embrace life…even the grey.
30 · 4d
consumed
Ceaseless obsession to break through
Passionate to see, hear, find, know you
To have a breath escape the cold hard stone
Insatiable longing that won’t be left alone
Won’t waste away and fade with time
This sweet addictive poison in the mind
Will not, cannot fade or find
An antidote, a palliative or final death
To ease this panting, gasping breath
Fool I am, more fool with age
When heart won’t hear of logic sage
But rages on irrationally
Inventing dreams, a fantasy
Where you, unknown since long ago
Emerge, recapturing our dormant glow
The sense in me yells, “NO! No! no.”
Foolish heart to dream the ludicrous!
When no path exists for the two of us.
Now hammered, torn and shattered
Shriveled, dry, and battered
A little heart in one last hopeful sigh
Timidly seeks that long-desired reply,
Thwarted, then slinks into her cave to cry.
30 · May 8
everything
Rubyredheart May 8
how deeply I need
Your affection
Your passion
Your love
Your body
Your touch
Your love
Your ***
Your ******
Your love
I need you
nothing else
nothing
erases the missing
fills the hollow left by your absence
I need you
Friend
Soulmate
Lover
Missing Piece
originally written 23rd May 2024
29 · 6d
Invisible
Some gracefully accept, but not me…
I don’t want to fade, aged, unseen!
hushed, dejectedly as I shrink
‘neath the weight of another’s priorities…

where is the hand I seek
to draw me in glowing ink?
instead I’m gripped so tightly
sketched words overwriting my story
“come now, time to say ‘sorry’”
or shall my ink bottle fall
leave black stain; erase it all?
whatever may be most sane
just…let ME remain
28 · May 8
believe
Rubyredheart May 8
please, Believe and never forget
never doubt
You are the one, the only One
I truly love with passion
or ever have
You possess my thoughts
I
Love
You
Always
originally written 22nd Oct 2024
27 · May 4
Happy Lunar New Year
Rubyredheart May 4
“Will this rabbit’s foot
Bring me good luck?”
Said the bunny to the sheep
Pointing to her tired feet
Having walked too far
In the wrong pair of shoes

“Probably not”
Silenced the sheep,
“It’s all water under the bridge”
(But the bridge had long since
Been washed out)

The animal crossing
Makes for a good story
& traditions are fun
But horoscopes are useless
When fates rest in human hands

Anyway,
“Happy New Year”
whispered a cheery moon.
“Let’s all just enjoy the day”
While the little Leo children,
Laughed to find red envelopes
& danced with the lions.
Originally published 21st Jan 2023 on DUP

I’ve been playing with AI uses more lately & was curious how it would interpret this more cryptic piece. While there are 3 secrets in the symbolism it could never know, chatGPT gave a decent breakdown.
26 · May 8
wordless
Rubyredheart May 8
I tried to write a poem
explaining how words fail me
describing how I love you
elaborating on
emotions, desires, passion, appreciation,
the many ways I value all of you.
I tried to artistically create
the essence of ALL you mean to me
I can’t.
You are indescribable
&
I love
all of you
&
originally written 30th Oct 2024
26 · May 8
crazy for you
Rubyredheart May 8
My heart will forever flutter for you
Your image, your voice, your memory
will always free the butterflies inside
sending me crazy for you
Yes, I'm crazy
crazy for you
originally written 9th Oct 2024
25 · May 8
STUNNED
Rubyredheart May 8
Dear, my Deer in the headlights
startled by this deep desire…
Did my fire frighten you away
into thick forests where you stay
& hide your gentle light from my sight?

I am no mountain cougar
crouching in your tracks to pounce
& wreck your regal gait.

I am the tracks you left behind.
I am the flower in the wood.
I am the cloud drifting above.
I am the falling drops of rain,
tears shed for your lost love.
I am the babbling brook beckoning you:
Come, rest & drink.

Yet here,
rushing to the brink of a crashing waterfall
fallen over
(over you)
logic buried in the wild churning of this boiling need
I fear:

Do my whirling rapids ***** your prancing hooves?
Would you dash back to a forest cabin
where hunter hangs the most prized rack--
branches of a love once wild & free,
now tethered to a wall, a long forgotten trophy?

Do your startled nerves seek an escape
from the vision of my river rapids
falling, crashing, diving into your bedazzling eyes?
Ought I to withdraw that you might find a calm?
Might you eventually retrace those wary steps
back to my thirsty banks?

I wait
However long it takes,
I pause; I wait.

may your caution find its rest
may your heart soften a nest
may your wandering pause to bless
my waiting hungry days
with the trust of your warm rays.

in my waiting may these roiling surging waters of emotion
subside into a calm,
find stillness, peace
provide a placid place
for rest
originally written 17th Dec 2024
23 · 4d
Imaginary Friend
Once you were Real, Faded, then Gone…

I have a great imagination &
I don’t feel like missing you so
I’ll play pretend…

Welcome to my life, imaginary friend!
We have a heart-load of **** to share;
it’s been so long.
Tell me of your travels...
Of those new to your life. . . the losses, too.
Share stories of your family
Tell what warms your heart
confide in me the highs and lows, the everything

Then I’ll speak of mine…but. . .

here's the thing about imaginary friends…
I cannot know of you; silence is your truth
Ridiculously I converse, one-sided…

for (imaginary) friendship's sake
rewrite
22 · May 8
Contradiction
Rubyredheart May 8
Full, yet empty  
Intense emotions to express , yet speechless  
Desirous, yet only for you  
Clear, yet confused  
Eager, while patient  
So much to say & I’m speechless  
Reaching out then reserved  
Would you help me reconcile
these harshly battling Contradictions
of heart & mind?

I LOVE you & NEED you  
Yet, remain
in uncertainty
originally written 21st Dec 2024
Rubyredheart Apr 15
Your imperfections fall in all the perfect ways.
My fantasies are memories and memories are fantasies with you.
You set my blood on fire but more—
You’ve been my friend.
My most broken screams have reached your ears.
Because of me, that sharpened boomerang of pain
has gouged your heart at times, and yet…
I know you’ll always care--that’s who you are.
I love being in love with you because
however hopeless the idea of "us" may be,
I still feel more filled with hope when dreaming of you
than when I try to crush this love.
Written 16th Jan 2022; revised
19 · May 9
Realization
Rubyredheart May 9
For me
Home is you
I want to be your home, too
You are my person
You are my place
originally written 24th Dec 2024
17 · May 9
Bright
Rubyredheart May 9
Your fire
Will not be dimmed
With the midnight lights
It still burns behind closed eyes
This tired night
I need you
Fire mine
Breath, voice, touch
Even just the knowledge of your presence
You are the flame
E’er flaring in my heart
So bright
I Love you, Ever
originally written 25th Dec 2024
15 · May 9
Aches of Missing
Rubyredheart May 9
This Missing You washes over me
in such varied waves and ways...
Sometimes soft and sweet, yearning, beautiful
Haunted by rich memories nearly relived

Sometimes it is passionate and pounding
strong, intense, awesome,
Unforgettable, rushing as the ocean
Breaking hard and salty on my softened pleading shores…

Then there are the times, like tonight,
when The Missing presses in harsh & steady,
bearing down with a heavy weight,
a frigid fear of loss.
This Missing nearly suffocates my heart
slipping through each crevasse...
So lonely here and now without you

Return me to that sweetest passion.
Miss me, too...
with promises & hope
originally written 27th Dec 2024
15 · May 9
Thoughts before Sleep
Rubyredheart May 9
I want to say it
with your name
spoken to You
Audibly
Softly
Such that you KNOW it’s true
true of EVERY version of you:
I LOVE YOU!
I love YOU, _.
I love Only you.

I want to know
the ENTIRETY
of who your are,
have been
and desire to become

Every revelation
of your history
your present
& your desired future
is a gift

I do not take trust lightly

Please believe,
I value
every smallest measured Piece of You
because
I
Love
You, _
!

Always,
_
originally written 22nd Dec 2024
3 · May 8
know
Rubyredheart May 8
Surely I’ve said it all before
still I feel it every day & every night with such strength
I wish for fresh new ways to tell you & convince you
I miss you
I love you
I want you
I need you
Talk to me
Share with me
Show me
Tell me
Touch me
Hold me
Take me
Know me
Your voice
Your image
Your words
Your presence
Your touch
Your love
I burn for you

Nothing communicates all

If only I could fall into your embrace
maybe then you’d know
I am always all yours
Originally written 2nd May 2024

— The End —