Yes, lost
in the nethermore
of a love-missed future…
which path ended here?
it wasn’t the one with you
the imagined wrong choice, though,
might not have been a choice after all
regardless, the loss is the future for me…
sadly

I need you to **** me
& love me
And kiss me,
& hold me
I need you to want me
Always
I need you
Your Everything
For Always
Touch me
Need me
Trust & love me
I need you in me
Surround me
With me
Not just a moment
I need a future with you
Living life with me
I need you still
(and always)

If I could stop, I would
Because it hurts so much to need
something I can never have

You were the rhyme
i thought i could write back to life
Until i learned
the Reader had long since died

“Rest in Peace, Poem Beloved”
as fresh flowers i lay
on an overgrown grave

The teen Eagles trying to share the long sandbank outside my window
Humored me repeatedly with their swole posturing & mid-flight scuffles
It is strange how their engaging antics
Lifted my thoughts to wishful flights
Where I would share the views with…
But perhaps I share too eagerly, too frequently
so resist the urge…
No matter…
These enormous formidable raptors
Rejected my association with their convocation
The plethora of snapshots captured
Shows nothing of the moments I would share

*and, yes, in all 5 senses (if with a kiss)

Dismissed?
I’m ******!
Hey you,
I’m smart too!
always debating,
smart-woman hating,
mansplaining…
As if I never went to school,
As if you think that I’m a fool…
I’m not just a pretty thing,
a lonely girl who wants a ring.
I am intellectual, too!
I converse as good as you
if you would stop assuming
that I am always wrong.
You think I can’t do things right?
****! Why are you uptight?
Just chill with me;
be real with me;
treat me equally..
(like your man-crush buddies)
Hey!
My star won’t fit beneath your boot!.
No, man!
I was born to blaze!

So step off me; step away
Cause I will explode
In brightness
With or without
You

Let’s sit across the room
Instead of side-by-side
“I’m too tired to talk,” I say
but really want to hide
When, how and why
did partners turn friends
the lover lose allure
even friendship end?
The needy insistent touch
now magnetic repulsion
Hug & kiss a daily duty
just dreaded compulsion
Honest attempts to renew a flame
Futile when fuel is degraded
No longer matters who’s to blame
Only that one is frustrated

This one is different
Deeper, harder, more intensely lost
Ended, final, hopeless
What do I know?
Nothing
Just floating in space
I could end here
Gazing out into this fantastical void
Still I look to see the mirage of you
Hope is a wonderfully nice feeling
Too often false
It was nice to fake it while it lasted
But all good things, like silly hopes,
Must end
So goodbye, my beloved dream
I’ll miss pretending You were real

The hunger written in your eyes
Traced in softest lines along your lips
Visions of the need you felt…
Twined around my heart
& stayed, remained
Rooted deeply in my past & now & evermore
Yes, they remain — these photos etched into my memories
favorite visions of desire
igniting my desire
Evermore
None other can compare
Lips speaking more than words
Beyond the promise of “I love you”
Did those lips lie?
Possibly forget?
Embrace a kiss more passionate?
I only know, those lips—
Echoes of a love so deeply missed!
Now every time I see such hunger in expression
I remember and desire you alone
& your hungry eyes

Yes
Don’t we all just want to feel
****
Smart
Attractive
Desirable
& mostly LOVED…
Don’t we all want to know
We’re valued
Admired
Appreciated &
Mostly LOVED

don’t we all just need to know
We matter?

I matter…I am ****…I am important…I am LOVED!
You matter! You are ****.  You are important! You are LOVED!
So don’t
Fade away
We MATTER
Always…
We all need to know
We matter to someone…
You are everything to me

Is it external factors
Halting more chapters?
Or an innate absence of appeal?
Collapsing love once real…
Empty sorrow
Of endless empty tomorrows
Piercing heart is all I feel

Pausing mid-conversation
with a bi-weekly buddy
he interrupts my **** to say
“The cat spilled her water”
…
so I fill & clean and wonder:
why the **** tell me?
(it took more time than sopping up the spill)
…
Maid! MAID! Snap snap…
Over here Miss…& bring a rag
…
Eye roll into bed…
so ends a day of service

Then
I read the saddest good-bye’s
From cold grey eyes
Denying a glance my way
Now
Mournful another would claim
Gifts writ in your name
for desires you could not say
Ever
The longing holds true
I’m wishing for you…
But respect holds me at bay

Aimless; trying to focus;
find I’m wandering ether-bound
Breezy lyrics ever ringing—
music in my ears, it echoes all around
Nothing yet can free reminders
aching love & numbing loss.
See their fingers clawing, reaching, helpless
for the witch they burned & tossed
Hurt & anger seething—fire-fuel
Sick that I’m the one let go
Though wings they took; Burned me…gone!
****, I’ll be their ghost flambeaux!
What’s that? Now my tonic you desire?
Now the witches brew you crave?
All that I have left to offer
are these deathly flames you gave…

So much I offer:
I would be your home…
a listening interested empathetic ear;
love, care, accepting all of you and more!
admiration, worship, undying affection,
appreciation, patience, love,
words, images, actions of deep passionate desire,
seeking to fulfill your every fantasy,
pleasure in your pleasure,
giving, understanding, long-lasting friendship
so much I have to offer
I KNOW my worth…
If you don’t, that’s on you…
others will…
just know, I’ll always care,
& you’ll always hold
My #1 position
So, if you ever really SEE me…
I have an epi pen ready…
Always,

I’ve not driven Her streets alone with thoughts of you breaking through
since those jet-lagged days here from Taiwan…
Now, driving this eve I KNOW
with Her rivers and bridges, rainy days and viewing ridges
That this City holds hidden memories long—
See? She remembers still those 2 figures who sat & talked there on the water front…
Nor did She forget the love-entrenched girl scratching out (between clients) poetic lines
composed as her magical hands worked to relax
spasmed muscles…
Ironic that nothing yet worked to soothe
a spasming heart, denied…

This Sunday, more of Her streets I will see—
Like that one I was driving to work
when heart-break broke me until I thought
I’d just drive & drive on forever… though never Arrive…
I’ve arrived…Full circle but now
Unbreakable
As again a knife breaks through the rain
driving pain
Deep
(I don’t think you saw or cared to see
the wish I wrote that we go deep…
“I want you so deep…deep inside” as Vintage Culture sang)
I guess this is all to say,
as I drive through this tired city today,
Like these murky rivers etched on the map
There flows through my mind & my veins
a story—unfinished…
never to be

I’ll not touch you
If You don’t want me to
From your words & acts I’ll take my cue
But if you flip my switch & with your okay
I’ll make your mind go numb as you sway
To my hypnotic grind when I have my way
Caressing, confessing
secret hungers that crawl beneath my skin
The need to feel you plunge within
I’m years’ deep now, excitable
Sensations beyond all you imagine
Urging me to dance that dance with your permission
But ONLY if you flip my switch
If not, have no fear
Just friends, then, here