Death comes in the winter
When all is grey & white & cold
Whether stealthily or raucously
Gnawing or pouncing
Prowling for entrails
Frigid
Final
Leaving empty beds and empty arms
Reminders of the empty holes
In the long-empty hearts
It’s icy fingers creep along the soul
Waking long-dead musings

…they buried them in the spring…

Yet for him
No grave will be dug
For some winters never End.

You’re closer now (in my waters?)
Yet, here I am
Lodged
between a rock and a hard place
just a little pebble
ticking away time in wishes
watching as the sun
rises, sets and years progress
Observing ocean tides
rise then gently recede…
Until one frigid night
intense & wild king currents
washed me out to sea
Lost in sand and sea-grass
as waves rock to & fro
watching ***** scuttle by
or snatched as eagles dive from the sky
Now I, like those hapless *****, aimless;
Never to rest on your welcome shores;
Remain, lodged
in these capriciously shifting sands of time
while you catch a connecting flight
Away

Cool crisp morning
Bright blue sky with scattered clouds
Happy children’s chatter
Snow-dressed mountains in the rearview mirror
Rise regally across the fog-cloaked Sound
framed by earthy evergreen spires…
These vibrations of sound and light
trace smiles ‘round my face & eyes
on this otherwise monotonous  morning drive to school.

I’d built thick prison bars,
enclosed the corner that you claimed in my heart.
How did your ghost break free
to set up residence in its entirety?
My heart is now too vital,
too wrapped around those tiny fragile ones
to risk a break again (like long ago).
I know it’s not your fault!
‘Twas nothing of your doing that freed this apparition,
ne’er replaced friend & lover
whose conquering flag was never burned,
for whom my love could never be excised.  
The simple fact is:
“Promise me,
no matter what happens,
you’ll always know I love you”
rings true of my love, too—
This heart-home where your ghost resides…
this domain where you are King
I am your palace, you the Royal tenant ever,
My Beloved.
To drive you back into that prison cell,
I will not even try.

You have your mother’s anxious tender heart
and couldn’t sleep the other night having heard
how another child felt as shots rang loudly
through the corridors of his school.
  
Now I, your mother, cannot rest
since learning how a child only 15 years of age
brought a stolen gun and ammo to his school,
a private show-and-tell.
We’ve walked past that school,
just around the corner and a block away
from where you sat today
in your “safe” suburban classroom.
  
Tomorrow I will hug and wish you a good day,
my dear little boy, and watch you walk away,
walk into your school and I will pray;
to gods not there I’ll ask,
that you return to me, still safe,
sharing silly anecdotes of your class…
May you stay in sweet oblivion
to the threats that weigh so heavy on
your mother’s tender anxious heart.

…

Three and a half years gone by
Now he’s in junior high
Several times this year his friends
Held memory of her life’s end—
she caught cross-fire in the local mall
casualty of a high-school brawl
with a gun

Now my boy & I consider streets
Packed with protestors marching to beats
demanding mercy & release
for brown folks who at their posts
of labor unbearable to most
were stolen from family & home.
In anger we bemoan
that meddling retaliation of the “king”,
“Bring the National guard, bring the Marines!
We’ll teach these rioters things
make them turn & run
from the shadow of our guns.”

My dear growing boy,
It brings me no joy
to watch the growing mess
of heartlessness & regress
that we adults now
will pass on, but I hope somehow
your tender caring heart will prevail
and that your generation might hail
a better tomorrow.

Love,
Mom

Please forgive me
I’ve been selfish but understand now:
You have more pressing worries than concerns of the heart;
More demanding business than that of this love.
Such distractions as passions are too much a burden.
I wish you well;
I wish you peace of heart and mind.

Two days past, I entered a different world
a world where I am liked, cared for…loved?
a world of warmth—naked, comfortable, warmth.
This soothing world, however,
is missing closeness, touch…
The shared hug must go unfelt,
the kiss of passion, untasted
the feverish chemistry, unfulfilled.
You found me; I found you.
I love you…
Yet, I miss you.
Come! step with me into that world
where we are physically together–
our Alternate Reality.