how can I make this . . . untrue ?
telling me to find a new boy . . .
but you were a perfectly good one

my honey, where'd you go?
I never could have known
and might I just say, just one sorry little pry,
would it have been better to lie?
in that faint yellow dress, tassel necklace, look your best
and you rest, shirt is pressed, but your faded green tie...
it reminds me of the greed, that little twinkle in your eye
honey, honey, where'd you go this time?
time again, hone your skills, just to have a good time
drive your car, hands up high
you are looking very sly, my little mystery boy in that sleek black tie...
I'm your girl, hair in curls, plum dress draped along my sides
we never stuttered, we just dove in with closed eyes
you and I, rocking chair silences, we cannot lie to each other
between these honey-flavored cherries and your big blue eyes
honey, honey, where'd you fly to this time?
honey, where'd you go?

how do I see?
I'm free,
I'm free,
how shall I proceed?
I'm in deep, I'm in deep
how many letters would you read?
too many apologies
all of my apologies
did you ever really care about me?
let me think,
let me think,
I can't say right now,
I can't ever say.

i'll quit you someday,
like the light of a last cigarette
like the stop of the high before it hits
i will give up what i've given to you
you're no longer special to me,
not special like a drink today
i'll lose you if love hits too hard
to me you can matter no more
so like an old record,
that I need no more,
i'll offer you up
i'll walk out the door
because you're just another thing
I'm going to have to give up

Every day gets better and I can sense the deepening connection but then he turns his back on me, taking us back to the beginning and leaving me in constant wonder. And he's beautiful like a chilly Big Prairie night sky with skin that beckons and a song that sends shivers.  How can I keep winding down this dark road when I know, yes I know, that so soon we will fall? My holiday road, so narrow I crawl, attempting to reach something out of my reach! My dear, come near, you're needed right here, alone but I feel like I'm with the whole world. How can you deceive, how you move every string, delicate and tender and afraid of tangles, how can you be sure of a love so undiscovered? A misunderstanding, perhaps no more than a dream.

still the tongue of possibility slithers its way
into the corners of my lips, but I remember
how you told me to always stay away
be near me, love deeply
if I blow you a kiss, do not catch it
if I tell you I love you, believe me
run away when our time comes to an end, because
someday you will be happy you fled.

and to think
on one side, pure infatuation
but more, real love, deep, dark, painful love
genuine care and heart-sinking worry
on another, carefully timed and rehearsed
seducing on the outside, scheming on the inside
with a need to hurt the other person...

reflections of street lamps on the water


the tangled seaweed below this wooden dock


I am comfortable with the distance...


but under the surface, I am lightly holding out for you

Knowing a little bit about a lot
I'm covered in remains
of dust from stars we had captured
Held tightly to my chest,
just something I cannot let go of.
Can't you recall,
the spirit of adventure,
prevalent
Prevalent
In everything you do
We left the memories behind us
but the light still resonates through you

I won't tell you how the sun shines on my skin in the morning
Or make beautiful exaggerations of the whispers of the wind while I'm walking
I won't pretend that every conversation is poem potential
Because since you, words burn like Hell

Beautiful and Deliberate
Such a faint little hope
Contrary Things
Taken back to infinity
No One Can Be Happy Unwillingly
Applying punishment for ignorance
Living Carelessly
You're pushing me off the deep end.
Vice Of The Soul
Corruptions Of The Body
Beyond a human being
Is where I lie...
Undaunted.

come to me,
let our bodies touch each other
under green light and happy haze
like a firework of epiphanies exploding for us

look into my eyes,
and you'll never look away
beg for a small taste
maybe later, I'll say

let the blankets that hug you
wrap around me, too
let the music fill your head
not with worries, drama, apathy
but pretty pictures instead

let your flesh bleed into mine,
like a lover in repose
I'll bathe in your love until I drown
"higher than a *******,
dreaming of you as my lover"
so our song goes

this is exactly where I am supposed to be,
in arms of the people who love me
it's where I was always meant to end up
and it took me this long to realize

I'd lose myself forever, for you
if you would never leave
I'd become broken and bruised
if you'd hold me through it
I'd give up my life
to give you another day
Just one day without conflict
A glimpse of an easy life
I'd give up the rest of my days
for you to experience stable happiness
even without me.

Eyeballing the past
I can see us, tripping into love
Flowers in my hair
Music in the air
Hunger in your eyes,
We're alive!

spoken illiteracy through twisted tongues
asinine anticipation within myself
synthesizes her through her sides
sends shockwaves to her chest

hit the floor, screeching adore
offbeat stomps, sync my heart
feeling the beat
singing in my head
clapping away my dreams
welcoming the imp
crimp! crimp! shrimpy swine
electricity without a touch

smells like flickers
eat the blood, sprawled out in awe!
it's wonderful, it's faint
sticking to my tongue like spoiled paint

know me before it's late
feet hit the ground, but I feel up high
have you done this before?
this story feels different than the others I have read about
it's simpler
slower
thoughts circling too fast to rationally progress
acting on ambition and curiosity
sort through my heart like a music case
let's pretend we are comfortable
even if enjoyment comes from discomfort
intricate conversations, and I will try hard to concentrate
to digest the moment
like a distant movie that I barely recall
you overrate life, build it up to be more exciting than reality
admiration never felt this harsh
knowingly entering
the night where
futures change because of your delicate voice
I won't ever stop thinking
of the arcade where the last quarter rolled
under the bar, but you took my hand and said
let's walk, let's forget, let's live.

instead of an armed attack: a small-minded runaway
think "break;" you'll never miss
ready for an action or two
I'm drowning in this pool    without you
abandoned with false intentions
misled by a graceful pretension
stuck in a coma, all efforts to break loose
felt like this a thousand times

no preference in particular
writing A's into E's
slipping past you with ease
please, gentle lover
I said it in jest!
it's hard to digest, I know, I know.
ride the wave of passion
take me past this disease
force me to make use of my time
help me, I'm crumbling
I don't think I can stand anymore
roll the die, let me die
can't handle your radiant eyes
can't deal with your selfish delusion
I was swimming by myself
you were too scared to join me
can I say I told you so?
is that a lie for a virtuous soul?
because good deeds follow goodness
green trees above the bushes

consistent
embarkment
delusional me
oh, delusion
closed up
refined
taken over, taken away
proportions
taken advantage of
believe in the devil
focus
hurt yourself
underground
taken under your wing
I suffocated there
laugh at me
be delusional
with me

does it go on?
days unnumbered
feelings undiscovered
telling me to refrain
refinement is Hell
design and intell-
igent ones with their hands on their guns
a sucker for mental abuse
an ally to the cuts and bruise
purple cloud of sound
frozen moments
heat of the disease
disaster
swallowing pride like a pill
the millions
the unease that accompanies
inner securities
delighted in your fragmented attention
stung
by a swarm of bees
they whisper pleas
goodbyes

I'm working towards numbness
and there's nothing you can do.
Darling, don't you see?
There is nothing you can do.
Nothing to lose.

Their cares are misplaced
and nobody sees it.
How long can I sink,
till I'm nothing at all?

Let's make this a challenge
I'll play this same game.
Wishing my life away
I am wishing my whole life away . . .
Desperate for change
and a new circuit home.
Desperate to change before heart turns to stone.

There's nothing they'll miss,
and no words to stand out.
My dear friend, I've become instant.
A fleeting feeling of well-deserved fame,
gone like a lighter . . .
The fire won't stay.

Secluding myself,
inducing my Hell.
The feeling of touch leaves my hands,
I'm thinking alone,
I'll choose to here stand.
No stories to tell,
and the ends of my skin pull numbness whole through.

There's something in the way you ignore me.
I'm craving a rainbow of thought.
Attention is mildly overrated.
Something tells me I am more sold than bought.

Slowing,
slowing,
your voice kills my soul.
Pretending to listen.

wavelengths rehearse their dance for me
a meek and assuming afternoon
no lover has lost their remorse
and no mistress was ever dethroned
absorbed by the power and blindly submitting
so sing to me, let it be me for today
and each day after this
can be swiped from our grasp
but, honey, I'm still so obsessed!
as ashes emerge from a raging hot storm
I inhale and am deliberately consumed
she's no witch, but you'll burn
she's no god, but you won't be absolved
the screech of your voice takes me ten levels deep
love, I fear I can still sketch your face from my brain
each indent and curve, it's permanently burned
into a chamber of connection
a connection never experienced
break the ice, break a woman
lay all your affections to rest.

I am distracted from sadness,
but it is still there,
always.
I want to be with other people
to take away the physical hurt I feel
from not being with you.
It's a crushing feeling,
feeling you gone.
I don't want it to be like this.
But I also know what I deserve,
and I know you cannot give that to me.
I am not sure that anyone can.
All my life I have been
a hopeless romantic,
always seeing the beautiful sides of things
and ignoring the ugly.
But maybe there's just
too much ugly,
and there's no way I can
avoid or escape it anymore.
I want to be with you,
forever,
even still.
I miss the darkness.
Maybe I am not destined to be happy,
to be satisfied.
I still know that I am meant
to be with you,
and I long for you to be next to me.
I think I should call you.
I think I shouldn't,
I think I will.

I've been a fleeting passerby
an image on the street
a sideways glimpse, no promise
you'll see this face again
I've been a falling leaf
floating far away
without direction, pleads
only to see the light of day
I've been a piece of broken sky
shattered and removed
picked apart, looked through, and
I've been feeling used
I've been an empty storyline
no past to say I've seen it all
no future to realign

seize my heart and take the rest away
frazzled on a sunny day
I hope to God you're here to stay

Lulled to rest in the darkness hiding your treasures
I will make the world obey
Some seven days
Modestly virtuous, but not without illustrious intellect
Take this pouring vessel with eyes still dazed
Fill the vacant place, there
And suddenly, of a free woman comes a bond-slave
Accepting the sickness that must overtake us
Only then
Can these rituals remain
Whether they help or harm
No one knows

I know I am acting strange
but you asked for all of me
So here I am, in dirt and grit
Do with me what you will
Fulfillment's overrated
and now I'm seeing stars
Disoriented on a train track
I'm working myself to the bone
a war I've already won
Though they see me as weak,
I could do this for hours . . .
I'll staple your notes to the ceiling
Just to fall asleep to you
I'm stealing satisfaction
as you steal your parent's car
for a stolen moment with me
We'll sink too deeply, I don't know why
I'm still so inclined
to leave family behind
Because if you ask me,
Your love is all blind
I laugh when they say bind
No matter what, you'll be forever for me

acknowledging superiority with a peculiar sense of awe
so that you can rest totally in very simple things
cracks are appearing, you're under pressure
with bad humor, you made the deepest mark

my lungs hurt when i sing
oh, my lungs burn when i sing
is that a sign?
i think you’ll be able to tell me
the issues that boggle my mind
the cars cant stop me now
and the busses passing by
i found a new way to breathe

how blind was I to you

I'll say I wanted to be

you saw my color blue

when I thought I was shining

just like a movie on the screen,

my love for you just reflected what I wanted to love in me.

and realizing that,

I'm finally free.

Shockingly bright skin
Black wrinkles and long flowing
Hair, and taking a
Purely unfailing grip on the
Window where I can't rest
I can't seem to be still
Nervous until
His fingers without nails
Eyes without depth
A touch as cold as his every breath
Reaches out to instill fear
Hopeful thoughts until he
Leaves you here

Take cover, take me with you
Words with actions unmatched
Take me under, take it away
I'll scream until the rise of a new sun
A flowing harmony retracts
Running around, blowing stacks
Spotting her under a different canopy
With eyes unknown
A smile at ease
Killing time to watch it drain away
Underground to childless brains
I'm right where you left me

happiness feels immeasurable
days go slowly but us,
we make time speed past
jokes about misfortune
but it's all fun and games
your laughter fills the hall
it fills me up, too
I'd lie and say I don't know you
never a day passes,
car spoken dialogue.
take me there
just so you can
take me back.
every girl is jealous
every guy wants at least one.
but me and you have got something new
equal and dumb all rolled into one
every adult knows, laughter shows
accepting as you are, coming as I am
debating and fabricating
new ideas and old reasoning
I've never had a friend like you

a confident woman is only perceived as conceited by the insecure.

come with me,
together we'll run out the help

i'll put it all on myself
and we'll suffer long days together

we must make them want to leave
manipulate them into a shameful retreat

it's no coincidence that we coincide
lost in this tunnel of reality
when we'd much rather be
hanging from a tree
no   space   between you and me

there's a recipe for my love
it's not hard to memorize

build me up
let me down
come around,
adjust my crown.
put on some coffee
and take me outside
for our third cigarette break today.
bathe in the shame
until I say it's okay to come out.

when your face turns red,
i'll hold your head
and soften the blows
in a second.

when my brain leaks emotion,
you'll be my distraction
attentive yet reluctant and kind.

accepting the mystery of our own existence
there's nothing to prove
we'll find our own groove
just rest in me,
and i'll always help you