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I woke up cold
back on the slab
in my tiny cell.
My head was pounding.
The last thing I remember
before I dozed off
was Mister Suit
asking me baseline questions.
Then it was a series of flashing memories.
Sparks flying,
Screams.
Voices.
A thrashing body.
Bright blood splattered
against
the pale yellow walls,
a face without eyes.
I guess the pink pill worked,
what are those ******* control boys
going to do now?
Nothing's traceable.
Me 1.
Them 0.
It should be a wake-up call for them.
Long live Moonstone!
I know it's not over yet.
 May 2016 Ruzica Matic
Nevermore
We are surrounded by wonder
Saturated by it
A glorious sunrise
Languid palm trees swaying
Beneath the introspective moon
The sublime poetry
Bled out of a thousand broken souls
All laid out on my news feed
Day after day after day

Social media cheapens it
Our whoas become mehs
We are deadened to what used to be wonder
What brought our ancestors to their knees and tears
Is now ignored for notifications and other drivel
5 MIND BLOWING FACTS ABOUT **** ***
CLICK 'LIKE' IF YOU LOVE JESUS
YOU'LL NEVER LOOK AT KALE THE SAME WAY AGAIN

Please.

Now wonder takes a new form for me
It blossoms when you blink open your eyes
As I kiss you awake

Wonder is anxiety twitching your lips side to side
While you twiddle your fingers.
It's your pinkie hooking around mine
And your head resting on my shoulder

It ebbs and flows in the sway of your hips
As we waltz to your Spotify playlist
It shines in your eyes
Pleading with me for calm
When my temper flares

It lurks
In your smile
In your snore
In your snort
And a thousand other quirks
That you dismiss as annoying

Let the trinkets of nature and man mold over
Let social media lay waste to meaningful interaction
You encapsulate wonder fully.
To my geisha. Thank you for giving me brand new eyes.
What I am about to say
Will save you
From a great sadness

1. Don't ever caress your broken heart in your hands
The blood will stain your finger tips scarlet
And be imprinted on the next person you hold.

2. Don't succumb
To the comforting grey side
Of Sadness
I know its warm. I know its safe.
But its only all those things
Because darling,
It will never leave.

3. Don't keep things hidden.
Who are you?
How can you even think of not being the main character of your story?

4. Don't read books about girls being left behind, and about boys dying
Or about people who are too afraid
Or too courageous
Or whose main characters are liars
Who come alive when you look into
Their eyes.

5. Don't let your heart pull away from him
Because you feel like
"You love him too much"
He won't understand why
You are holding his heart
And your own.

6. Don't start writing when you are sad.
The ink won't be able to run from your fingers when you are happy
And you will be left without the words you have
Become addicted to-

You will hold your heart in your hands
And you will pick at its stitches to feel
And your heart will bleed
And it will stain your fingertips red.

You will reach out to him,
And your will leave scarlet smears across his cheek
And his chest
And his wrist
And no matter how many times
You kiss
The stain will stay

And you will
Wrap yourself in the soft grey
And the Sadness will swear
To always stay
And you will feel loved
Because it will never leave.

And you will start to hide it-
The warm grey
The phone call
An opinion
The fight you had
The tears and words
That want to come out


And you will turn to books
Not to escape
But to learn
About other
I's and hers and hims
And their words will come out
Black and white
The next time
He whispers
'I love you' in your ear.

And then you will start to pull away
Because
god
You love him too much
And that means he is going to leave
And he will look at you and see
That you have his heart
And your heart
But it will be too late for him to
Have kept yours
And it will be too late for you to keep his.

And suddenly
It will be Saturday night
And he will still be yours
But it will feel like he's
Gone
And you will pull the thread

Of soft grey.
Away, away
'til our souls embark on twilight's dreaming
to dance with the cunning dark.
 May 2016 Ruzica Matic
AlanK
The fear has subsided,
Uncertainty melts into endless kisses,
The second movement begins
On a hopeful note,
The violins build with a confidence
And unity, powerful and harmonious.
The unstructured first movement
Simply a search for a theme
A leitmotif to progress from darkness
To light.
The woodwinds laugh,
The horns announce the news,
The drums are strength and power
Driving the rhythm of our love.
Writing the notes together
We flow like rain
Blow together like leaves
In a breeze so brisk and strong.
We are conducting this movement
In gentle caresses and playful interchanges.
A melody only the heart can hear,
Silently envelops our waking hours,
And urging us to surrender.
The orchestra plays as one
We float upon the ocean of sound,
Wondering if the symphony will ever end.
Let the musicians play on
We can dance till dawn.
 May 2016 Ruzica Matic
SG Holter
Tractor humming happily
In the dim daylight
Seeping through heavy clouds.

The soil out here needs water,
Rains are welcome for now.
I kiss fresh coffee by the

Window, listening to the drizzle
And swallows whistling past.
Yes, she's on my mind.

I breathe in the humid scents of
Early country Summer,
Feeling soft arms reach around

Me from behind; her forehead
Against the back of my neck.
Something whispered.

Soon. You'll see me soon.
Hear my voice. Soon. You'll
Meet me. Soon.


I shrug off the fantasies and
Walk my cup back to the
Table.

I know who she is.
She has no idea I exist.
For now.

****, I love this juvenile
Feeling of infatuation with a
Stranger,

Stealing glanzes at her Facebook
Pictures, grinning to myself about
Acting like a stalker,

Not even feeling guilty;
I stand for my innocent intentions.
She'll never hear a word from

Me. No friend request or desperate
Attempts at contact.
She has a room in my Palace of

Imagination-
Where she sometimes comes out
To wander around and

Bless me with her presence.
So impossibly beautiful.
Supernova smile,

Elegant tattoos.  
Eyes full of kindness, like two
Soothing suns. Night sky hair.  

Real, yet invisible until I
Close my eyes and taste the skin
Of her temple as she leans her

Head against mine and points
Towards the horizon.
Look how green everything has

Become...

I know.
It's so breathtaking I even

Imagine sharing it with someone
I love.
Then she's gone again,

And I am alone with the rain and
The nestbound swallows. And the  
Purring of a distant John Deere

Outside an open window where
We stood in love, as vividly
As within a really real dream.
forever more
love abides
even in
the dark
lonely places
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