March 13, 2009

The sun, it shines down on me with rays of warmth.
My heart thawing out of it’s icy sleep.
I’m overcome with a new happiness.
A feeling almost forgotten,
Buried deep within my broken heart.
And though the enemy sits a mere thirty feet away,
There’s nothing that they can say to bring me down
This time.

The darkness that filled my life, so fragile,
Now lifted  off my shoulders at last.
His soul, given to me as a token of his love.
A treasure so fragile only my hands can hold it.
The scent of his skin still lingers on me,
Something that will never be forgotten.
A gentle touch, and then I’m set free
Of everything so vile to me.
And I’m free.


March 14, 2009

Unwelcome as I feel, here I stay, still.
No one to protect me,
I’m left here on my own.
Enemies all around me,
With their looks of pure evil.
Once providing me with friendship,
Now killing me so slowly.


March 20, 2009

Inside my mind is where I stay,
Safe from all that is.
Away from the world,
I hide here, and worry, I will not.
As long as I am here,
Inside my mind, a safe sanctuary,
Free from doubt and all pain.
My imagination is the only place
I want to be,
So I don’t feel the pain any more.


March 24, 2009

Unexpectedly, a dagger pierces me,
Destroying the temporary happiness I felt.
Now I lay here, my heart bleeding,
With tears running down my face.
I thought it was all over.
But it’s not.
So I’ll die emotionally,
Where no one can find me and save me.
It’s too late now.


May 13, 2009

Another year older,
And still the darkness is inside me.
Another year has passed,
With the depression slowly killing me.
The dawn has passed
With another sleepless night.
So I’ll slowly fall into this land of nightmares,
Where no one can save me from myself.
My soul has been taken,
There’s nothing I can do now.

May 14, 2009

There’s something about him,
Something so angelic
Yet so sinister in a way.
He’s been there in my dreams.
And never ceased to let me down.
I don’t know why,
I don’t think I ever will,
But I want him.
I need him.
I can’t live with out him.
For he holds the key to my heart.
He has my soul,
And forever,
He will.


May 16, 2009

The wind blows through my hair,
And I’m free.
Free of doubt,
Free of worry,
Free of everything that brought me down.
I finally see the beauty in the world.
The peace that never seemed to consume me,
Now has taken over.
And, alas, I am happy,
Even for a moment so brief.
But who am I to care,
As long as I feel it’s serenity.
It’s beautiful, this feeling.
I cannot explain,
For it is more than happiness.


June 7, 2009

I hate life.
When will I wake up from this nightmare.
It seems like every where I go,
I’m tormented.


September 27, 2009

I went to my place at the rocks.
The only place where I can be at peace.
There’s no one around,
The way I like it.

It’s funny how I just look at the ground,
In the middle of a clover field,
And I find a four leafed clover.
Then there’s people who have looked and looked
And have never found one.
It makes me think. Am I lucky?
Are these four leafed clovers lucky?

The sun is warm, shining down on me,
But the wind is cool.
I feel alive, and nothing can bring me down.
As long as I am in this sacred little place
That fills my body with peace.

I was angry before got here.
Sick of my friends and family hurting me.
But the moment I get here,
I’m overwhelmed with serenity,
And I’m free.
Free like the waves crashing on the rocks.
Free like the wind blowing through my hair.
Free like the majestic wolf I am to be.


September, 30, 2009

A true friend, I have realized, is a rare treasure.
Something that once found (if ever),
Should  be held on to.
I’ve had best friends come and go.
But there is one of whom I truly miss,
Despite the fact that she hurt me,
Not once, but twice.
I usually know better
Than to hold onto something like that,
But I can’t help it.
I still love her as if she were my sister.
I may never want to see her again.
I may hate her for lying,
But I will never forget her.

hear the whisper,
the rumbling river of light

through the arms of night
  the enveloping veil
    the pale desert

hear the swell,
the rolling flood of light,

breaks

the stampede of dawn
draws the blood
to the skin of the rock
blushing in the spotlight

the sunken stars
in the ocean of light,
a soundless ocean.

Closing my eyes
Nothing to see
Covered my head
Nothing to hear
Silence speaks
Loudly in my ears
Of days gone by
Happy faces
Faces of those I love
Friends and family
With me here and up above
Deep consuming pain
With in my chest
Swelling, rising out
Crashing with each tear
Loosing control
With every breath
And gasp of air
weeping, hurting

Bruised hands
Sweaty brow
***** skin
Blistered feet
Tired eyes
Broken fingernails
Chipped teeth
Dry lips
Swollen tongue
Scratched legs
Ripped jeans
Stained shirt
Messy hair
Runny nose
Empty stomach
Poor thing,
Didn't you know?
You are never
Ever
Supposed to fall in love
With a train wreck.

I just wish no one
would know
that I'm crying.

That i'm inside
this lonely house
and I'm putting on different suits
just to get through.

I just wish you'd take me back,
just wish you'd give me one more chance
because you've got a hold on my heart
and it just won't let go.

Touch me with a kiss
or hand print on my soul,
I don't know know what it means to love,
but for me,
it's defined by the threat
of this super-massive black hole.

You **** me in,
and I want to let go of my light,
for the last second
of my life.

Love fills me up
and I water the garden
desperately.

With dead petunias on the floor
I crawl on my knees
just wishing for them to grow.

Music is Food,
It feeds your soul.

Music is the Sun,
It enlightens your day.

Music is Alcohol,
It numbs your pain.

Music is a harm-less Drug,
It gives you a high.

Music is a Companion,
It'll never leave your side.

Music is water,
You need it to live.

You always told me to keep my head held high,
To not worry about it.
It's better to look at the stars and the tree tops than your sore blistered feet,
Reminding you about how badly you want to stop.

But what's so bad about stopping and looking around,
Taking in every face and sweet emotion,
Watching the leaves fall and the sun rise,
And maybe I'll get to see that beautiful smile of yours.

You are my best friend, but for once let's hold hands and dance in an open field,
Let's pick flowers and when I try to put them in your hair,
Just let me,
For once let's not worry about pleasing everyone and just be ourselves.

Tell me,
What would you do if no one got hurt? If no one judged you?
Would you tell me I look pretty today,
Tell someone that it's not me, it's you,
Or maybe look around a little?

It's your turn to watch the waves crash,
And the birds taking flight.
It's your turn to be held not to hold,
It's your turn to pick the moon out of the sky and play frisbee with the angles instead of hangman on the back of your will,
Don't hold back.

For once let your hair grow out just to tell your kids,"yeah I had a pony tail",
Cut it all off,
Give it to charity,
So your neighbor with breast cancer can say "yeah I have a pony tail",
And for once in your life do it because you can.
Not because it's the right thing to do,
To say,
Or to think,
For once stop looking up for answers and care for your sore, blistering feet.

The hologram is fading,
Slowly leaving this cold earth,
And as he leaves he makes room for the sun.

The ghost is dissipating,
As my life begins re-birth,
And all the nightmares might just now be done.

I think I've won...

See the mirror was foggy, But I replaced the glass,
I can look in my eyes now, No steam to block my pass

It's just me...
Only me...
And I'm beautiful!