She was 12 years old
She was really bold
and she never did what she was told
one day she was walking down the street when someone came up to her
now she wasn't alarmed
of course because she was strong
but she wasn't strong enough to stop the man when he grabbed her arm
She screamed and kicked and cried for her mom
but that screaming didn't last very long
because she was thrown in to the trunk
she hit the bottom with a thunk
and that little girl
with curly hair
was never seen again
then right down the road
right at the end
a 3 year old girl walked up to the man
and asked where are you taking my friend?

She's a female
A little shorter than me physically
But not at all mentally
Self esteem higher than I thought was a possibility
But she's  not cocky
She's the balance
The middle of all things good and bad
She's strived for by, at least, me
Her smile lights up rooms
And I think she knows that
It's different
But interesting
My latest interest captivates me
Let's hope I don't **** her up

This kid use to love to laugh
it was the only thing he had
that made him glad
and others to
up until he was 3
he only lived with his mommy
Then a man showed up and said he can call him daddy
this new man his mom marred
was making his life very happy
when he was in the room
the young kid would always start laughing
then one day that man left
without a goodbye on his lips
and he stopped laughing
better yet he stopped feeling
Some people say he had depression
but they aren't listening
he just needs some love and
maybe he will smile again
but for now the only time he smiles is in memories
because that is the only thing that makes him happy
He will only laugh when he sees his daddy

Please stay away
I don't want you to get hurt
I specialize in giving pain
I play you like a sport
I don't want you to leave me
But I want you to survive
I don't want you to be those before you
Leaving me when you're dead inside
So I'm sorry it has to be this way
I don't wanna make you cry
Please let me make it up to you
I will let you leave without fight
I know you hate my sorries
But I will grant you one more
I'm sorry for forcing you to leave
Watch yourself as I slam the door

Leave me in the dust
and I will build a sandcastle

Leave me in the river
and i will learn how to breathe under water

Leave me alone
and i will make new friends

But if you never leave me again
I will make sure our relationship ends
because i can't stay with you
consume you with worry
and make you stop feeling things
about your own families life

your brother died
and your thinking about me?

If you stay with me

I will **** you inediably

Don't you hate it when you have faith in someone
and they let you down



like when you think they aren't horrible people
and it turns out
they don't have a good side?





well then your gonna hate me

I lied
I miss it
I miss stringing people along
The excitement when they believe me
trust me
I miss the people I use to pretend to be
I miss being them
Knowing I was capable of finding other identity's
I miss lying
I need to lie again
I know I said I wouldn't
I hope you will still be my friend
But my lies are calling me
I need to go back again

Sitting alone
Reflecting
Thinking about my life
My fight
I fight
everyday
of my life
is it worth it?
living to fight
I just don't see the light
at the end of this long tunnel
Then I found the fun of life
I realized the greatness of it all
life isn/t just a free fall
until we hit the bottom
its more like a roller coaster
with turns
and loops and screams and laughs
I wanna live
and laugh this is the only thing I have ever had
I have found the joy of life at last

Its funny how kids try to make themselves look older
and adults try to make themselfs look young

I have a horrible taste in men
I don't care if they're short or thin
but I need them to hit me
as in physically hurt me
take me bones and break them in ways I didn't think possible

Twist my mind
take my beliefs and shatter them
take the walls I built and bulldoze through them

lock me in your basement
keep me there rotting for years
tell me you love me
as long as I let you in

I need to feel that abuse
I want a love that hurts me
I need you to treat me
just like my father did

Listen to the whistle of the wind
The laughter of a child
The drips of rain
The world is amazing
when I listen I hear personalities
rain can be calm but also annoying
kind of like me
sounds are filled with beauty
And you can hear them if you listen clearly

I only have one life
And so far it's not so great
I gave my life to my family
I live for them not me

And the only thing that makes me Happy
Scares the people around me
Everything that makes me happy
People say is bad
But my knife and my pills are the only things I have ever had

It feels so amazing when I put the knife to my skin
To touch all the scars
To lose myself in the pills
To have the option to end it all

But that makes me crazy
And makes you  scarred
But I'm tired of trying to please you
I'm tired of giving up my happiness for you
I'm sorry if this scares you
But this is what I have to do
I want to be happy
Even if I lose you

Living in a dream I have never had

I really want to walk outside right now

and tell every one


the truth

what is the point

of living this lie

when no one

apretiates the work i put in

what is the point

of wearing a mask

if no one figures out who i really am

My name is chloe
but you can call me liz

I changed my name becasue chloe
isnt the girl you thought she is
you see chloe
was a diffrent me
kept everything bottlede up so no one will see

that is why i want to change my name from chloe
no one understands liz
but that is because seh's not fake
no one cares about liz
because she pushes the people she loves away
liz isnt suicidal
because liz doesnt care

liz is who i am now
but chloe will always be there

Have you ever felt lonely?
as in the world is stacked against you
and you dont know where your going

I live not knowing
why im not desirable
do i seem not aquirable
what is wrong with me?

Have you ever felt lonely?
because its hopelessly depressing
like drowinging in a lake and no one is besides me
I'm lonely
and I'm tired of living

She had to many curls
I mean she was asking for it when she came to church dressed like that
Lets face facts she wasn't looking that good
her shoes where falling off her feet
she really need to do some laundry
but is that all you see
I know you see a reckless person
who you think could never be your friend
but if you looked deeper you would see something different
if you looked in her eyes instead of leeking at her eye shadow
maybe you would find the hurt that lies behind
or maybe you would see her cry for help
or maybe she will look up to you like no one else
you could change her life
and yet you walk out of her way because you think she wants a fight
Maybe if you told her what you thought
instead of holding in your laughter with all your might
you should see what she went through in her life
because while you want your dad to bring home take out
she hopes she gets food
you got to school caring about being cool
while she thinks about hot water
maybe if you just looked a little farther
but no its just to fun
laughing at someone
you dont know
because you think everymans on there own
well you know what
thats not true
while you walk down the hallways with your crew
texting them i cant live without you
yet she doesn't know if tomorow she will still be able to live
maybe the reason she has those clothes
is because that's the only thing she owns
and maybe she got those shoes form the dumpster out back
but your to busy having fun to admit the possibility of that
and she feels alone
more then she ever felt before
because she goes to a place of refuge and they laughter at her some more
when she finally has had enough
she picks up a gun
then you cry "I didn't know!"
maybe you would of known if you decided to look in close

I can’t lose anymore
My heart can’t take being broken further
I am barely holding myself together
And i know how devastating  it is when my heart is torn

But I have a feeling the second time will be worse
Because I opened myself to **** I knew would hurt
Because I thought you loved me more then her
But now you can’t even mutter those three words

I feel my heart being torn
When I let my walls down so you could feel more
And told myself you deserved the love even if it made me hurt
But I never thought a day would come you wouldn’t want it anymore

I took the best parts of me and gave them to you
I offered my most precious memories
And displayed my most sacred thoughts too
But you didn’t want to hear anymore

As if The best parts of me
Still aren’t worth a second glance from you
And now I don’t know what to do

Because I can’t lose anymore
I know how devastating it will be when my heart is torn
I don’t wanna go on any further
Because then I won’t have **** to live for

I can’t lose anymore
I don’t know what I will do if I lose anymore

How can I lead others out of the darkness

When I'm still lost?

I learned that men can't heal my wounds
That no matter how many pictures i send
I can't believe im actually a ten
No matter how many guys to get to like me
I can't like myself
The last one i talked to was 21
Younger than the others
But still couldn't unage me
Couldn't make me forget the things they did to me
Im sorry i can never fully be yours
I gave my heart to every soul that has a photo of me
Now im left with nothing
This is torture
But you see i learned
U can't find happiness in lovers
And love can't be found
Till you love yourself

I'm not here to tell you you are wrong
i know a lot of christians sing that song
But I'm not going to tell you you were right either
I'm here to talk about love
Love is strong
love can tear a world apart
love is the way he still listens to us
when we pray for things out of jealousy
love shouldn't be on the streets
Yes, love is on the streets
People are in gangs because the love attracts them
they make an attachment
to a thin layer of love
that tends to fall short often
You might think they would realize thats not where they should go
but love attracts more than you know
They should go to the church but that is not where helpless people flow
Because the church is no longer filled with love
And don't get me wrong I've seen amazing things with help from above
but since that doesn't happen a lot
hopeless people turn to ***
Then the church is the first place the gossip goes
The preacher talks about drugs that Sunday
he didn't say your name
but everyone knows he is talking about you anyway
Then the hopeless people leave the church
and they are back on the streets
You see where I am going with this?
We are quick to blame them
yet we are to blame too
They jumped off a cliff and we talked about them as they fell
not knowing if we will ever see them again
And you fake like your their friend
till you slip up and they stab you in the back
do you think God will be pleased with that?
Lets rewind back to when Jesus was on Earth
He loved us more than we knew
while he was on the crosse he screamed
"Forgive them, they know not what they do!"
Yet you still don't know do you?
Do you know you are hurting the people God loves?
Hurting them when they did nothing to you
And they thought you loved them too
Jesus forgave you, and you didn't know the power of what you do
Right now I am telling you
You don't have the right   to talk about a man because he has tattoos
Or even judge a girl because you think she stole her shoes
Or even gossip about a dead beat dad drinking *****
because one day that might be you
Let me tell you what to do
love
because then you have the assurance one day someone will do the same for you
You see love is like a bandage mending broken wounds
Love is  a wall you can lean on
like the souls in your shoes
They keep people from falling
and they catch you if you do
love is something that makes people brand new
love is inside of you
Give love
because there is someone who needs it from you

Love .......
It's complicated

Have you ever loved someone




So much it hurt?

Don't you hate it when you love somone

and you would **** anyone who tries to hurt them

but they are the ones holding the gun?

My mask is falling off

I'm starting to remember the old me

and how wounded

I actually am

because I hid behind closed doors

closed even from me

and now

they are opening

and I'm scared

of the monster

I might see

I wear a mask so that one day

I can convince myself i am happy

He's the reason I flinch
Because when I'm with him he doesn't hesitate when hitting me
When you move to fast all I see is his fist

He's the reason I say sorry so much
Because he always made me apologize for everything I was
Everything I am And everything I will be

He's the reason I hesitate when saying love you
Why I can't trust like I want to
And why the people around me think I hate them for loving me

But maybe one day I won't flinch anymore
I won't say sorry as compulsively
And I'll be able to say I love you
To the people I trust

Maybe one day
I'll unlearn all the lessons he taught me
I'll forget how I loved when he hurt me
And move on

Maybe one day
I'll be happy

What I went through
makes me me
but what i went through
wont change who i will **BE

No one knows me
I hide behind shadows
the real me is never showing
and whenever I want to give people a glimpse
they say im not acting like 'me' today
What they really mean is
I''m not acting like they want me to act
I'm not 'acting black'
and im not like they want me to be
and I don't wanna change anything
I like not being real
Then I don't have to feel
I can stand back and watch my life
like a 2-hour movie
Around certian friends I'm cool
but that is only one part of me
I show people diffrent parts of me
and they all know a diffrent me
And im so caught up in all of these personalities
I dont know who I am anymore
I dont have a plan anymore
I dont have a me anymore
I am just a narrator
Watching the characters of my life
watching the diffrent me's roam around and smiling bright
yet im not there
nothing behind my smiles its not that i dont care
its the fact that I AM NOT THERE
Who I am
I don't know anymore
my real personality got lost in the world
and I don't know if I can find it
I don't know If i can look in the mirror and see one person
I don't even know if it is really me looking
I don't know If 'I' even exist
I don't know who the real me is
I don't know if there is a real me
I don't know me
I don't know
And I don't want to

I never told anyone how I felt
When your the bad guy no one really cares enough to help
you see I lied

I hurt my best friend
and every single day people wont let me forget it
So I've had to live with it

You see I felt trapped
trapped in my ways
I said I could stop if I wanted to
But i wanted to stop everyday

If someone would of found out I was lying
and said they would still be my friend when I stopped maybe but
things don't really happen that way
I was what people call a bully

I was trapped in that box
and that was the one time I knew what it was like to be forgot
because people forget

they forget your a person
they forget there must be a reason why you lied
they forget that you still know how to cry

you see it is easy to help the victim
but the bully well thats the hard part
when you try to help a bully you wont know where to start

because the bully has a wall
that looks like no one can get through
and behind that wall the bully is crying
they don't cant stop lying
they are hurting
they need saving
but you just keep sayin
" Just stop bullying"
like its that easy

well this is a message from  me
the common bully

Im the victim of imperfection
The definition of needy
The essence of annoying
And the meaning of depressing

Im not wanted
Needed
Or asked for
This world doesnt fit me
And Loving me is a chore

I am broken
Injured
Cracked
But content at the same time
Plauged with a ****** up state of mind
And the lie that "I'm fine"

I'm ****** up
Annoying
And not of sound mind

So who would ever love me
Im just wasting everyones time

Dear Bully**
You can not push me down
I am powerful
You will not make me fall
I am capable
You will not change my mind
because I am unchangeble
Unshakable
Relatable
Belivable
I believe in the Bible
NO POWER FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER
I will move past her
I will survive
thrive
and no one has pushed me down to this day
I always make a way
and you cant tell me who I am
For goodness sakes
I know who I am
and I am great

Love was fractured
Down in her soul
faith was tattered
Hope was torn
she was all together broken
What a notion
Giving somone the key to your heart
And letting them destroy it
Tear you apart
Then force you to live with it
Or don't
Live, that is
For they no longer care
It's not fair
Only your trust was teared
Wings were ripped from your back
To prevent you from flying
And they end up fine
With sanity in thier mind
No wonder you want to die
But sweety, there is time
You are stronger than this
You have strength fight
Don't give up
Continue to try
Because one day it will be alright
One day you will get your wings back
And one day you will fly

When I was younger, I saw a meteorite
It fell from the orange sky
I watched it fly in front of me
I was sitting in the back of my family's jeep
Pointing forward,
Eyes glistening,
“Dad..”
“Look there..”
Before him was a white streak in the sky heading down
As if something was announcing
I was here
“It's a plane..” He said
Quickly diminishing my dream
Quickly disregarding what I think
That could have made me lose hope but I didn’t
My eyes still glistened
Looked up knowing it wasnt of this world
That this white streak was all that was left behind
As something miraculous came from the sky
It was special
Different and I knew it
No matter how many times he told me it was nothing
How many times I reiterated that it was more than that
That it was everything
That it was mysterious
And out of this world
He claimed it was nothing
That it  was the same
No ounce of doubt in his mind
He saw a plane
But I saw a meteorite

Throughout my life
I never saw someone that special
So beautiful  that they left white streaks in their wake
So amazing that I would of risked wrecking my car
Just to see the allure they can create
I knew she was out of this world
And what we had was special
Different
But my dad claimed it was nothing
We were just friends
And my love was misinterpreted
Quickly diminishing my dream
Quickly disregarding what I think
But my eyes still glistened  
As the sight of her
There was no one I loved more
My dad swore what we had was nothing
While I swore it was the opposite
That it was everything
That it was beauty
And it was special
And it was different

Later on the news
The reporter spoke of a meteorite that fell in my county
The picture he showed was exactly what I thought it would be
“Wow” my dad said
“You were right”

I was a good kid
I Kept tighty
I snitched on the wrongs people did
Until everyone hated me for it
Snitches get stitches
For the longest time i didn't listen
Until people started to ignore me because of it
Until i lost friends because of it
Until i was told i was stupid because of it
No one wanted to talk to me cause of it
Tragic
A little girl in 3rd grade being told she's worthless
Because she didn't think you where suppose to write on the board when the teacher wasnt in the room
Because she didn't think cursing was allowed at her private school
Yes i went to private school
Plaid skirt and all
It was as if from 7 to 3 i was there Barbie doll
Dress me up
Skirt and all
Then tell me what to say
The lies you make me say decayed my teath away
The secretes tucked inside of me made me feel afraid
In the 4th grade i was scared of my reflection
In the 5th grade i began to show all they said i was and
Wasn't ready for that
Speaking of the 5th grade i went to public school
Suprise
Barbie got put from maximum security
To a weaker division
Security wasnt as tight
So the other kids wkrds didn't lessen
Bullying went from this hobby to thier full time expression
Until some people promised they liked me
Told me to touch other people
And let other people touch me
Until i was something
And i kept quite
Because snitches got snitches
They started fat jokes in the 6th grade
Poking at my stomache
Metaphorically Writing fatty at my grave
And at this time i want exactly sane
So to stay friends
They said
I had to get skinny
And the best at they did that was to stop eating
Give them my food and i get nothing
With My stomach fat i could survive years on empty
With my stomach fat i was the reason africa went hungry
The best way to stop world hunger
They said
Was to **** me
So i stopped eating
And like every other mental disorder it grew into an obsession
Ana was its nane
And it was like a growing infection
Ana is more than a disease
Its a professional temptress
Baby let me see your porcelain bones
breath in until your lungs explode
Feel more than you can control
and let me take over
I let get take over
But my parents couldn't know
The lies dripped out of my mouth
Like how the snow escapes the cloud
I got lost in a blizzard
Lies and ana and lies and ana
Who needed friends when i had depression
Who needed friends when i was headed towards perfection
Reapeated that i was happy till i believed it
Than she came along
Told me that real friends didn't hurt you like that
And that i was already perfect
That i life was worth living
And that i could escape depression
Promised she wouldnt leave me
Promised she wouldn't hurt me
I wasnt the only one with a lieing problem
You see we where both unstable
Dragging eachother down
So niether of us are alone
Dieing together was better than living apart
Until are decided she wanted better
Like she was drowing and i was an anchor tied to her
She cut me lose
So she could get to the surface
And i sank lower than ever before
Her exact words where i just can't bring myself to care anymore
The worst part is
I thought it was my fault
That i did something to make everyone hate me
That i was a problem in this world
And I just had to realize it
All she said was lies she recanted once she found out who i really was
She hurt me
Than called me the liar
So this is where i am now
Sinking
Trying to teach myself how to swim
Alone
I can't lie my way through this one
And ana cant give me oxygen
Im trying to get over it
But im lost in this blizzard
And i can't find my way home

Honestly
this is no more than me just getting over you
No more than me just contemplating
And not understand what logic I used
Back when I use to need you

I think it might be over
Even though I haven't been able to be sober
Even though I havent been able to stay focused
Even though I'm bipolar as *
And running out of luck

I think it might be over
Because throughout all this
I havent thought of you
Or what you use to do
I haven't craved your abuse

So I think it might be over
I think it might be done
I no longer dream of our  friendship
Or the mirage of 'love'
And when i see you
I honestly don't give a **

So I hink this might be over
I think
I'm done