I really do
If I could just stop pretending around him
He would know it too
I'm just so stupid
Just so young and dumb
I don't know how to act
Now that I'm in....

Every day I try to make progress
but I feel like I'm running on a treadmill

Wish for the better
you're always let down
hope is severed
when your loved one is in the ground
prayer is useless
at least in your eyes
faith is gone
your dead inside

The only thing stopping me
From being happy
Is me
I'm my own downfall
Pretty sure I won't last long
I self destruct
And even though you love me
You can't change that
There is nothing you can do
I have to heal my inner wounds
And you can't help me through
I'm sorry but it won't be pleasant
I won't be OK
Most of the time I'll be crying
Mentally dying
Trying to smile through the pain
I can hid it if you want
Won't tell you anything
I just wish it would stop
But only I can take away my pain

I want to hide,
From responsibilities
Expectations
And my crippling reality

I want to run,
far from everything
I don't desire to be

I want to get lost
in darkness
Where no one can find me

I want to ignore
All that I'm feeling

And I want to hide
from me

Broken hearted girl
lived like she had no cares in world
then one day she looked up
and realized she was alone
her broken soul shattered floor
She was a broken hearted girl

Woke up in the morning
went on her way
smiled as people passed
all they did was wave
they never say her frowning eyes
they didn't notice when she drifted away
to them she never changed

Broken hearted girl
lived like she had no cares in world
then one day she looked up
and realized she was alone
her broken soul shattered floor
She was a broken hearted girl

She screamed and yelled
IM NOT MY SISTERS KEEPER
she is not my responsibility
it not my fault this is happening
I AM NOT MY SISTERS KEEPER
then she broke down to cry because that morning her sister died
if only she made sure her sister looked left and right
she says she not her keeper
but she wishes she would of been able to keep her
for a little bit longer
hold her in her arms
but now her sister is gone

She had to many curls
I mean she was asking for it when she came to church dressed like that
Lets face facts she wasn't looking that good
her shoes where falling off her feet
she really need to do some laundry
but is that all you see
I know you see a reckless person
who you think could never be your friend
but if you looked deeper you would see something different
if you looked in her eyes instead of leeking at her eye shadow
maybe you would find the hurt that lies behind
or maybe you would see her cry for help
or maybe she will look up to you like no one else
you could change her life
and yet you walk out of her way because you think she wants a fight
Maybe if you told her what you thought
instead of holding in your laughter with all your might
you should see what she went through in her life
because while you want your dad to bring home take out
she hopes she gets food
you got to school caring about being cool
while she thinks about hot water
maybe if you just looked a little farther
but no its just to fun
laughing at someone
you dont know
because you think everymans on there own
well you know what
thats not true
while you walk down the hallways with your crew
texting them i cant live without you
yet she doesn't know if tomorow she will still be able to live
maybe the reason she has those clothes
is because that's the only thing she owns
and maybe she got those shoes form the dumpster out back
but your to busy having fun to admit the possibility of that
and she feels alone
more then she ever felt before
because she goes to a place of refuge and they laughter at her some more
when she finally has had enough
she picks up a gun
then you cry "I didn't know!"
maybe you would of known if you decided to look in close

She was girl with the world on her fingertips
yet she didn't know couldn't see how it could end
No hope
she was hopeless even though
she could make it
She was put down
for being loud and proud
She was let down
by everyone around her
But she didn't see
her fire
She was put down
left out
broken down
She was a girl with nothing but the beating heart in her chest
yet she loved everyone and spread her  joyfulness
Smiling wide trying to forget her past
She tried to make through and pass her test
She was worth it
thinking she was
Worthless
and she was amazing
But she didnt see
her fire
She was put down
She was left out
She was broken down
Tried to please
tried to be
everything but who she was
she disapeared
left from here
all because she couldnt see
her fire

A poem a day keeps depression away
Self expression makes it all okay
Emotions aren't that scary
When you let them out voluntarily
A poem a day keeps depression away
I guess I better start writing

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better forget friends old far knew happy crying everyday got maybe hate trying dad fall use start change bad stars listen daddy insane secrets told tried isn't light wanna left came good realize real believe laugh head instead jump insanity cat school zombies followers inside home room thinking family end

remember dead hair saw laughing sure feeling great looks looked realized remeber father changed understand kid copy cuts hearted best face little hold forgot keeper question victim long push house god lie sees morning past needs mean hand heart wont talk stay able wish true learn mother looking ok turned

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There is a monster inside of me
and he doesnt want to eat
forces me to turn away every meal
want to throw up at every piece of food i see
He only feast on pain
from my freinds and enemies
Hes also hurting me
but I;m just a puppet for his insanity
theres a monster inside me
and he wont go away
whispers in my ears
tells me no  one wants to stay
tell me im worthless
fat,and ugly
so I wont eay until he thinks im skinny
there is a monster inside and hes always mad
makes me wanna scream
cutting portals in my skin
so he can get out of me
but he shys from daylight
stays with me
at least he will never leave
keeps me company
I have a monster inside of me
and i wont let him leave
we are freinds now
no matter how that seems
He doesnt care what people think
and niether do it
me and my monster
will be destroying things
for eternity

I know this is selfish of me
But you can't die
not again
And I know she wasn't you
And I know it's not the same
I know that was different
And I know your gonna be okay
But I just want to let you know
You can't die
Because then
I Won't have a reason to live

Everyone wants a place of safety
a place where they can be who they want to be
with out judgement or anything
well poetry is my safety

I was left a lone
you see I didn't have the best life
my shoes didn't always fit right

I was abandoned everyone left me
and i was bond to the wrong things
like chewed up taffy

I was nothing
I was just a waste of space
a broken sandcastle
watching the waves rise to take me away

I was nothing
and i still am today

she is an amzing young girl
she has talent greater than she knows
and yet she wont let it all show
you see she doesnt want people to know how shes feeling
she doesnt say stufff to revealing
or she never even talks about herself
she writes about others and tries to help
but the girl who needs the most help is the girl staring back at you through the mirror
she wants to be set free
but you hide her behind things
you don't want people to see
that person who i believe
is living inside
and if nina just opened her eyes
maybe she would see
that a lot of other people are going through the same thing
and maybe she would actual tell someone like me who actual would listen if she told me how she was feeling
she needs to set herself free

I will pay you a penny
to hear my thoughts
listen to all my fears
the pain people have brought
but one wise soul told me
a tidbit I have yet to forgot
he said if you don't care about yourself
than why do you expect others give you a second thought?

Pressure flooding on top of me
from all directions
from my family
my friends
from everyon who has ever meant anything to me
All telling me
what i should be
I constantly say I don't care what they think
I wish I wasnt lying
and if you know me I'm always trying to please
to be who they want me to be
I want to be free
free from stereotypes
free from what people want me to be
please let me be free

We are under attack
bombs of heart attacks
both emotional and real
We are under attack
with suicide and bullying
people turning on us like that
We are under attack
yet all we do is fight each other
We don't stand tall and last long
we fight and die for not
because we cant believe
that we are under attack
all we care about is the fact
that your neighbor just called you fat
but what you didn't know
was her dad is dying of cancer
she is trying to find the answer and you are mad
because she called you fat
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
and I realized that
we need to take our guns
and point them at the real enemy
not each other
listen to me
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
and its not gettin better
people are gettin sicker
and no one fights for that
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
its time we fight back

Who the **** told you could like my bands
who told you twenty one pilots was up for you to take
why the same time that I discover lost boy
and golden you ******* find the same songs?
When the **** did you start being besties with my sister
and why can't you leave me alone?
Why do all of our songs sound the same
and why do we think the same things
who the **** told you it was ok
to like all the things you did as best friends with me
who the **** told you it was ok
to be the same
as me

If you break a poets heart
You will live on forever
Everything they say will be infused with aftermath of you
The emotions
Loneliness you left with them
Will fill all thier writing
Inspired them to write more
You will be a co-author in millions of poems
The inspiration to thousands works of art
And you won't even know it
You wont even know in a hundered years you will still live on
You dont know about your newly found
*Immortality

Why cant i get cancer?

I would love to save a kid with cancer

and i would die instead

why do the only people who get cancer

are the ones who want to live?

I can't breathe
Like there is something pressing down on my lungs
Stealing the oxygen right out of me
Ripping the strength from every fiber of my body

I'm tired
But I don't want to sleep
Because if I drift away into that abyss
I'm not sure I'll ever leave it
I'm not sure I'll wake up

We have a desire to matter
To be remembered
To have a life that was more than the standard
Work to die
Or always be dieing to work
We live wanting more than average
But won't take the big risk
Because if they don't work out
You die
So we all strive for the middle
A secure life where we are truly happy
And mean something
To someone
Anyone
It's a roll of dice
But I will ask you one thing
How do you expect to be remembered
If all you do is work a 9 to 5
How do you want to be the greatest writer of all time
If all you do is just enough to survive
It's not going to be easy
But it will be worth it
Because you will finally find joy in your work
Until you aren't working anymore
So it's really a roll of the dice
But the it will never roll in your favour
If you don't try

Sometimes I wonder
Where the problem truly lies
Because unlike prophesy says
You cant see pain in someone eyes
No matter how hard you look
Sometimes its deeper than that
I know because the smile I see in the mirror every morning is pretty convincing
Because everyday I can be pretty convincing
You see its not always in the open
Some times the pain is buried behind many locked doors
And a lot of times
We don’t know where to find the key
Tragedy
Is never expected
You didn’t see the president predicting 9/11
And you never would of saw me predicting this
It’s funny
How one second you can be happy
And the next wollowing in despair
Because sometimes you feel like a magician
Making people around you disappear
And it seems like the world is deaf
You scream out and no one seemed to hear
So now your quiet
Now your silent
Living in the world without a voice is violent
Like your hand cuffed
And buried in a coffin
No one you can hear you if you scream
Like tou drowing and ever time you try to open your mouth water fills your lungs
Like your blind folded and cant see
Where life is leading you
Do you ever wonder where your life is leading
Do you ever wonder where you are leading your life
Do you ever wonder
Why you do  things
Or what does it all freakin mean
Do you ever wonder what your missing
It seems like your in a comedy show and everyone is laughing
At something your not quite hearing
Sometimes living without a voice is pretty lonely
But that depression gets to feel *****
Your  reality accepts the silnce
No matter how violent
The pain is now your identity
Depression has stolen your name
You are everything they call you
And at the same time nothing at all
You have let this go on for to long
But you don’t know how to stop
Kind of like an addiction
The silence has grown on you
But what you haven’t noticed
Is that there are people screaming out for help in this world
But you haven’t had time to listen
You have been drowning and couldn’t lend a hand
You have been buried under layers and layers of pain
You secrets have been held so close
You emotions have been put so far back
That you cant remember what feeling them is like
And you have been so focused on how your feeling
That you didn’t care too look around you and see who else is drowning
So silent that instead of speaking on what you saw
You sit back and watch them suffer
You become part of the problem
And its sad
This cycle
Of asking for help
Not getting it
Than not helping anyone else
All you want is for someone to reach out to you
But you can’t reach out to anyone else
We are all drowning
And only if we could work togethere
Maybe
We can get to the surface
Than maybe
We can breathe

Beautiful
Engaging
Amazing
U R
Talented
Intelligent
Forgiving
Unique
Loving

I don't **** with no rumours
I know your the truth
Trusted everything you told me
Believe it all to be true
I ain't me without you
And that **** ain't nothing new
So i don't **** with know rumours
Won't believe what they say about you

Judging me?
really
silently hating on all I do as if I can't tell your watching me
seriously?

I know your only 15
honestly your immaturity surpasses every other trait I have ever seen
but really?

Now this *****
acting like she knows me
becoming best friends with the one person who still loves me
turning people against me
being ******* perfect
jealousy is a *****
and me feeling this for you
is ******* hell
especially now that you left me
and I don't care honestly
I'm getting over that
but this *****
is ******* annoying

in my life nothing is as it seems
found a person who promises they love me
swears they care for me
buy ultimately
is lying
you see
i have been decived
i couldn't believe
emotionally abused
like seriously?
why me
and why does she have to be so
mean
but i love her
so treat me like a punching bag
hurt me because your mad
anything to make you glad
i gave you all i had
throw it out and laugh
that's the spirit
i hope you never feel sad
but please don't leave me
your all i have

Courageous
You faced the world
you just smirked and smiled
then you walked and turned
people stared in disbelief
as you changed things
you look at things differently
and the people who pull you down
are doing it out of jealousy
because you are amazing
never forget
that you can change things
but they cant change you
you are a world changer
dont try to be cool
be you

One upon a time there was an eagle in a chicken pen
All his life the other chicks teased him over and over again
they told him he was nothing and he believed them
so they keep on teasing him
He stayed trapped in his pen thinking he couldn't fly out
If only they didn't fill him with doubt
He had the potential and possibility to fly to the skies
but he was held back by their bullying and lies
They covered his eyes
so he couldn't see
all he would grow up to be
Because he was an Eagle
Even though he didn't live that well
He was an eagle and the world he should tell

I don't think people get it
they don't understand their own nature
see themselves in the mirror
but they can't really picture this

what if I told you your beautiful
honestly
you would say thank you
but would you believe me

you see
society has a thing with low self esteem
we make ourselves shine and gleam
but don't believe a word we are saying

hypocrites
we say everyone is beautiful
yet hate our reflections
people just don't get it

I've been saying this for years yet no one understands it
do you get it?
does anyone understand this?
hating yourself isn't a trend
its a plague
and we are all slowly dying
hoping for someone to cure us
but we wont even admit we are sick

do you get it?
I need society to get it
because our downfall is not going to be pretty
do you understand this?
if i said you where beautiful
would you get it?

I want to dance
I love moving to the music
and making it real
its fun to portray the music in actions
to take what I'm listening to and let it transcend through my body
but I can't
and every time I try I am told
over
and over
and over
that I cant dance
and that I should stop trying

Once upon a time there was a princess  and a peasent. The princess went to a ball and was screamed at by the tourmentor of a king infront of the whole kingdom. She had forgotten to finish her dinner. Soon tears where streaming down her perfect face and she ran into the stabels where she knew no one could find her.  She sat down on the hay bale and cried. Then a stable boy came in and said, “My fair princess what painful harm is pulling at your precious heart?” He sat down next to her and held her hand until the crying stopped. They stayed like that for hours, “ I should really get back to the ball.” He took his hand and wiped her tears. “Same time in the ‘morrow?” the peasent asked. For the first time she saw what perfect eyes he had. “ Sure same time in the ‘morrow.” He smiled and nodded. She soon stood up and he walked her out the barn. He watched her as she left.

The darkness is losing
but so many people are on the wrong side
people just going along with the ride
the devil telling them it will wall be fine
as they are on thier way to die
They jump off buildings because the devil whipsers they can fly
People chioce to be nieve
they dont want to believe
ignoring what they see
nothing is as it seems
if you live your life looking through a blind fold
the devil has a hold
on you
you like to believe your living your own life
but your just doing what your flesh tells you to do
you cant even move
if the devil doesnt want you to
you see your in a trance
you believe pain is all you have ever had
you feel empty and sad
so you  get high but it wont last
your mad at the world and you dont know why
your on your way to die
so might as well have fun
bring other people down with you
might as well betray all love
no need to be happy
no need to get saved
the world is going to end
might as well drink your life away
eternity doesnt matter
who cares where you end up?
all you care about
is that you never see the bottom your cup
and if someone tells you diffrent
dares to ask about your ways
they are racist, haters, and above all fake
you tell yourself these things
because you dont want to think
dare have an original thought
go against want the devil thinks
dont follow your heart
dear do anything that may help you in life
dont stop keep it up
stay on the losing side
never feel real love

I've tasted sin
Smelled the liquid and
Let the substance drip through my lips
I love how it tasted
Burned my throat and ****

I fell in love with disappointment
And she sure was beautiful
Tempted me in the best ways possible
She taught me tricks to lure my next *****

I've smoked betrayal
And gave it my sanity
The last whole piece of me
Coughed my lungs up in disbelief
And it felt so ******* good to be free

I've spoken shame
Let the poison pass through my lips
But this time the way I led it
Ive vomited all the tainted substances I have taken in
And it feels amazing to let it out

And then take in some more

But I've tasted sin
And I can't get enough of that ****

I dont want to be alone
i cant stress that enough
i hate being depressed
i.hate not having love
the only being that loves me is God
shouldn't that be enough
why am i awake crying about somone
who gave up on us
i thought i was better
but it keeps running back to me
i would be watching tv
abd realize i have no one who would want to watch it with me
i want to die
but i can't leaves this world knowing
i would hurt somebody
because people only show you they care after your die
my death might cause somone to die on the inside
and that's not right
but im lonely
i hate this depression