we held hands
and
the night was dark

His eyes were not the reminder of a once well known friend they were the reminder that I only got three hours of sleep last night and there's a test on something I couldn't wrap my brain around because I was too busy searching how to tie a noose on a screen to bright for my tired eyes. I never knew he'd show up unexpectedly at dinner and I could almost see my mothers nose crinkle in disgust either from the stench of my lack of motivation or simply the smell of death. He had this way of holding himself. Hands shaking like a ticking time bomb or way to ready to jump to the next thing to ease the situation.
To ease the situation.
Ease the situation.
The smile carved as big as the jokers planted on a pale face and sunken eyes.
he had bags under his eyes.
bags under his eyes
Under his eyes.
Grimacing under growing bruises and bones that creaked with every movement because he is like an old house. Fun to look at and imagine what it was like in its glory days but spiderwebs and dust seem to be a better turn off than the word no.
No one told them that depression is a battle ground that theyd have to pick up their long lost child from.

I told.
Someone.
I told them.
Who I am.
How I feel.
About you I mean.

That's right.
You don't know.
That's okay.
Let's just leave it.
That way.

But have you ever loved someone
So completely
That every time they left you
They took some of you with them?

Oh how terrible it is
When they do not love you back.
None of them is left to fill you
You're just empty
And you're broken
And you're entirely in love
And there's nothing left at all
To fill you up again.

When you come crashing down
You take everything I need and love
With you.

Please let me be your crutch dear.
Please let me hold you up.
Please don't leave me.

Slipping into what we once were.
I thought that we had parted,
Finally found each other within ourselves.
I prayed for an ending and wished for forever.
But I never thought that you'd come back around.

Arm in arm with your lover,
I whisk you off your feet now,
And we're falling and we're flying from this place.
And we're tossing
And we're turning
And it seems I'm quickly learning
That I cannot win
This never-ending
Chase.

And you're running
And I'm crawling
"I see those tears of laughter falling!"
You giggle as you turn and shut the door.
But if you look into my eyes dear,
You'll see no exclamation
As there is no joy,
Just sadness on this face.

I say
"I love you"
And you smile,
But I cry because I mean it.
No there's nothing I can do
To set us free.

Because I'm caught up in your eyes, love,
As you blush and turn them from me,
I know you saw some honesty
In that last glance.

Give me a chance.
Just kiss me once more
On the lips
Or brow
Or shoulder.
You whisper that you're nervous
But you do it all the same.

Give me a chance
To show you once more
Why never should you leave me
And I'll whisk you off your feet,
Falling, flying us away.

Give me a chance
To hold you longer,
Just a couple moments longer,
Before "arm in arm with your lover"
Is your permanent address.

Give me a chance
Because I love you
And you're running
But I'm crying
While we're falling,
We'll be flying,
As we're
Tossing
Turning
Slipping
Into what we always were.

I haven't been able
To love you long enough

To let you leave.