I can't wait to wake up one day and not miss you at all.
I know I deserve better but yet I still crave you.
The way your eyes used to glimmer in the sun.
The way your perfume hit my nostrils.
But no matter how badly I desire these things,
What I want, more than anything,
Is to wake up one day, and not miss you at all.

I have become strong,
Because I got tired of feeling weak.

It's all up to you.
You just kinda have to... decide.

Decide that you're not a victim.
To get off your *** and do something about it.
Instead of moping, and feeling sorry for yourself,
You can make the change.

You can do this.
I believe in you.

Have you ever loved someone so very deeply,
And knew they were the completely wrong person?
You knew they were going to shatter your heart eventually
But you just didn't care.

You embraced everything about them.
How high they made you feel,
How low they drug you down
How they could be a complete disaster
And you'd still be around
worshiping them,
Putting them on a pedestal,
and bowing before it
Knowing full well their throne
Is built on a lie.

The worst part is when
You start to see right through them
When you've committed yourself
But you're too far along to quit
So you stay in the game
Asking yourself every day
"why'd you have to come my way,
With that deadly, ambiguous gaze.
I'm running through your maze,
Delirious, deranged
all the while expecting you to change."

You'll think that they're different,
That they're not the same,
You'll buy into the  illusions
That haunt photo frames
And you know that they'll  say
"I'm doing my best!"
But you can feel all their baggage
Weighing down on your chest,
And it becomes hard to breathe

Funny now, how the nausea replaces the butterflies

Speak with kindness,
Act with mindfulness,
See with clarity,
without disparaging
Keep yourself clean,
Never take unjustly
Give, openly
Love, wholly
Walk in such a way that
Flowers bloom before your path
And birds sing the praises
Of the good you've done to this awful world  
Free yourself from suffering,
This cycle of death and rebirth
Live compassionately and devout
Without wanting, or ego
Detach yourself,
Let go..

I hear voices
yes you do
They're unfamiliar
who are you?
Get out of my head
but I like it here
You're not welcome
face your fears
I won't talk to you
Oh, yes you will
I have no choice
time to ****?
why am I so crazy?
you're been so alone
I'm crying now
*come on, pick up the phone
Dial  your friends and listen to the tone
Of a voicemail message, they left you at home
again
Soon, you an I will be best friends
I'll make sure we have a beautiful and red end

I know you'll probably never notice,
but I have to say, your smile is infectious.
I feel I'll always admire you in silence.

I'm a walking contradiction.
Most of the time, my heart is filled with joy.
I want to give unto others as they have given unto me.
I want to do good deeds and let my presence exude peaceful air.
Yet, I find it so easy to engross myself in hateful thoughts.
I feel malice run deeply in my veins.
It scorches my insides and leaves permanent burn scars that can't be undone.
I'm always going against the grain.
I get the urge to stomp on the flowers I just stopped to smell.
It's a difficult feeling to put into words.
Trying to hard to be good, then, out of reflex lashing out at nothing.

This feeling comes bubbling from the center of my soul.
It's warm and embracing and makes the cold feel like home.
I'm not walking on sunshine, it's emitting from inside me.

She beckons,
Calling me over with a voice so sweet
I reckon,
If she keeps on, she'll have me on my knees
She'll have me begging her,
Please,
Give me a chance to fulfill all your needs
She brushed me aside,
No blink of an eye,
Punish me for the tears I'd made her cry,
My heart falls to the ground,
It bleeds...

I miss you,
Let's forget about everything
And let me wrap you up in
The warmest kiss we've shared together
I think I'd cry, a little.
I think you'd cry a little.
We'd be saying so much without a word being uttered.
I miss those moments.
Those blips on the radar of history
Where nothing mattered except
Your lips and how they tasted like sweetwater
and *** appeal.

I don't remember where I was going with this anymore
I get to thinking about you and suddenly
I'm L
           O
        S
              T
Again.

I can have anyone I want,
but all I want is you.
That ever out of reach object of my attention.
The moon I can't capture between my fingers.
The ever running tide from my shore.
Why do you run from me?
Or, more correctly,
Why am I chasing you?

The waters of your soul
Are so warm and inviting

One last kiss
Could send me happily
To the grave

I should practice what I preach,
I'm such a hypocrite

My eyes open slowly,
After being crusted shut
I feel like I am floating,
Moments pass...

Oh my god, I'm floating!
I observe my surroundings
Everythings... black?

A streak shoots across my field of vision
It appears to be on fire
I roll over on my side and feel nothing beneath me
I look down, and there's nothing
But what appears to be stars
And floating pieces of dust

"I am dreaming" I say to myself
"I am aware that I'm dreaming..."
"I'm in space..."

I flip myself around in the zero gravity
To find myself staring at the center
Of a spiral shaped galaxy
And all I remember
Is feeling myself fall towards the middle

I wake up, sweating

My soul flies from the top of a mountain,
I feel fully alive now,
Falling, falling, falling from the mountain,
My soul is well endowed,

The cold air rushes past
As I fall into a Novascocian lake
the water envelops me,
Fast,
Sinking down to the bottom,
Save me, for heavens sake..

I'm tired of it,
The darkness,
Pulling me under,
Making me feel,
Heartless
How far fetched would it be for me
To live life, free, happily
Not having to worry about the
things that you want back from me
You laughed at me, a catastrophe
Had me sick like a disease
You cannot ever put at ease
A heart that deflates easily
I could not feasibly
Ever win you back to my side,
Fingers locked with mine
And we're looking in the eyes
Very deeply into my mind,
Seeing past all the dirt and the grime,
And the hard times, and the sad times
And all the good and all the bad and in between times
You used to be mine, I used to see my
Self taking vivid swims inside your grayish green eyes
Flowing freely in a streamline,
And maybe if you look deep inside,
Maybe you could still find
Love

You make me know how it feels
To be breath taken

I gotta pick myself up, get away from here
Get away from the demons from all these years
gotta enjoy myself, get away from my fears
Gotta be smiling from ear to ear

Let’s bounce from my home, to the park and get ******
From my feet, to my dome, good times in my bones
Call my dude, get an oz,
Now I’m blowing thick smoke
Memories, fade away, after every single ****

She’s gone from my life, end this year long strife
She’s gone for the night, take a chance, roll the dice
But still, she lingers, somewhere in my mind
Another party every night, I’m sure to forget her this time

Take a chance, and run with me, to a land that’s far away
We can dance out, by the sea, till the break of the day
Now it’s just I, and as for you I cannott say
I don’t care anymore, I never mattered anyway

I picked up the pieces, now I’m heading for the setting sun
Maybe I’ll find some Jesus, maybe I was born to run
I’ll look to find the answers, that may well never come
I could find my piece of Heaven, then my journey is done

I used to have a tree,
It's gnarled limbs reaching skyward
No matter how often I climbed that tree,
It only seemed to grow higher

The day the rains came,
and the lightning struck my tree
I fell yo my knees,
for the tree is a piece of me,
and the lightning struck me too

This tree still stands,
In the woods, tall and mighty
It's rough, calloused hands,
Still blow in the breeze, nightly
Nothing can bring down my tree,
My tree is tall and proud
The smoking tree still stands,
And lets my friends and I, sit around
In his shade,
The countless games we've played
That he bore witness too
He still reaches up, towards a sky of brighter blue

Sonder,
I wonder,
Of all the other people around me,
are their worlds as mine are to me,
Ups and downs, smiles and frowns,
I wonder,
Do they ponder things as I do?

Seventeen years on this earth,
but what's it all been worth?
I've lived through sadness, absurd
I've lived through happiness, for sure,
Expression through my words,
It's been a good life, I concur

Seventeen years, one thousand dreams
I'm simply busting at the seams,
With ideas, and beliefs,
That I want to share with the world.

I got up this morning
And tasted the air
And it held a twinge of salt
And regrets I can do nothing about
It held a taste of
the bitterness
That comes after actions you wish you hadn't committed
And it made my mouth twist and contort
Into the only shape it feels comfortable in now,
As I mutter "I love you.."
I know you're not thinking of me

When you're an insomniac,
You keep track of time by moons instead of numbers.

Come unto me,
Let me caress your soul
And bathe you in the
Clear waters of contentment
And we'll slip away
Into the mists of something
Wondrous

Something new,
Something fresh
Something greater than
The suffering of rebirth and death
Cycling through,
Never ending
But we've grown wise,
through holy lives
We're repenting
Unrelenting
In our drive to change
For the better,
For whatever the weather,
We're on this quest, together

A man sat in his cramped airline seat,
His teeth chattering,
Biting down on his haggard fingernails
He had never flown before
And he never planned on it
But with the passing of a close relative
He had to take his first flight from Philly
Back to his hometown in Washington state.

Next to him sat a young boy,
who appeared to be much to young
To be by himself on this 737
The man just turned away from the young mans face
And went back to his nail biting

The boy tapped the man on the shoulder,
And he said
"Sir, I know this is scary, but there's no need
To be afraid
I've done this a hundred thousand times
Enough to know that we'll arrive
Exactly thirteen minutes late."

The man was stunned, this boy
This... small man
Enunciated his words like that of an Elder
The man turned to him, and said
"I'm sorry young man, I just can't help this
My whole life I've been isolated,
Closed off, like a shellfish"

The boy turned his head from his window and he said
"Sir, There's no need to fear the events that will unfurl,
Because you know when the oyster opens up
All that's revealed is the pearl."

And suddenly, the man felt none of the fear
He'd been living in for all these years
He rested comfortably, no longer fighting tears
His cycle was broken, the moment was chosen
When he leant the child his ear

Sitting in a smokey haze
I'm getting blazed thinkin about those days
When our love was true
You were faithful to me and I to you
I thought we'd never grow apart
So long as this necklace hangs over my heart
I gave you your half under shakey breath
I said well alwas be together if you let this touch your breast
And we wore them like it was valiant
Like we could ride away on a white stallion
Into a tangerine sunset
But I began to suspect
I'm not the only one you lie with in bed
And It turns out I was right
Caught you sneakin in last night
No need for a great big fight
I just want you gone by the mornings light
And give me that ******* necklace
You have no idea how long I saved to get this
And then you threw it's meaning away
Like our love was forgotten far longer then Yesterday
******* ***** go to hell and stay away
I'm gonna smoke this blunt and look ahead to better days

My head is full of pretty women and stiff drinks

I'll mold this world in my hands,
Pick apart the pieces of evil
Crush them between my fingers
And blow them away
Like powdered glass
Into the eyes of my shadow.
Press it down with my thumb,
With God-like strength
Erupting from my fragile human form.

Your kiss is sweeter than
The nectar of hummingbirds flowers

The hardest part about meditation
Is coming out of it
Why would I ever leave?
It's so perfect in there
I feel the earth spinning
And the vibrations of the energy around me
I am whole
We are one
And the connection we share is beautiful.

Your smile is the light of the sun,
Beam brightly

Smoke it, snort it, break it down,
Grind it, roll it up,
Inject it, snort some more
Smoke some more
You can always do
A little more
You know you want your heart to stop
As much as all the toxins
You dump in your body
You ******* fiend.  
                                     - Drugs

I see sunshine through the rain
I gain power from my pain
No more running delusionaly deranged

I'll put my hopes in faith,
And my head on straight,

Cause I got my baby back

Powerful is he
who can conquer desire
And speak with kindness
To friend and foe

Unified under his teachings,
Are those who walk a sacred path
Towards the endless peace of Nirvana

Righteousness
Peace, and tranquility
Are my only goal

E**very day,
Spent in solitary meditation
All in an effort to be,
Pure

Today you told me
How much you love
Fireflies
And I had myself an idea

I'll capture a thousand fireflies
And put them in a thousand
Glass jars
And I'll hang them from the trees
And dance with you
Until morning comes
And the sun brightens up your face
Again and I can't help
But to smile.

Trapped in flesh and bone,
Encased in anxiety and insomnia.
God help me.

I'm too drunk to write poetry
And I'm lost in my thoughts
and the noise
that are surrounding me

Alcohol is flowing
Everyone is having a good time
Me, included
But I still think of you
No matter how drunk I get
Even more so, I'd say

I forgive you,
For all you've done
Come back, baby...

The ego inside me is slowly but surely dying. Soon my eyes will awaken to their full, all knowing capacity. I will see the world exactly as it is, and that thought is comforting, yet terrifying. Being wise is a long, scary journey. But the light of wisdom outshines the darkness of ignorance. I will glow brightly, and illuminate this darkened space we live in and take for granted.

She tells me these things,
She's a tease,
Makes me feel like a king,
Baby please,

I want to hear you scream,
Like you mean it,
I want to hear you scream,
Like you need it

Your body twists in pleasure,
Dripping wet,
A perfect measure,
After the sun has set
You and I, all alone
disconnect the phone,
The only thing I wanna hear right now,
Is the way you moan,

All our lives are transient,
So just live

For me

Forever in love with
Ideas,
And surreal, seemingly impossible dreams.

I wonder if the moon ever tries to talk back.
I wonder if the sky is bothered by the smell of my cigarettes.
Does the sun squint back at me?
Do the clouds watch me pass by?
Who knows.

Every tree is sacred
Lending their shade,
No thanks required

I wish I had the strength,
to pull the trigger

It's hard being an optimist trapped in a cage of chemical imbalance
I always hope for the best, but I feel the worst on the wind
and the malice in my mouth
when I grind my teeth anxiously,
Hoping for something, anything of interest to come and inspire me
Restore my heartbeat, my chest explodes violently, fiery
A blooming flower with a soft epiphany
Bond again with my soul, a spectral synergy
My world is black and grey, Yet still,
Colored vividly

I feel like I'll eventually be
Forgotten
Placed in the footnotes of histories *** crack
An insignificant blip on the radar of Earth
Fading away into the memories
Of a dead planet and a dying species

As my ancestors came before me,
So I shall be
Dead in the dirt, while the worms
Feed upon me,

I just wish I could be a hermit
Spend my days quietly meditating
Watching young trees grow tall
While the world forgets about me,
And I was it spiral into chaos
While I sit here,
Watching, and waiting,
Perfect equanimity
As the world falls around me
In small glass and steel pieces

But it's okay to be forgotten,
It means you never made any ripples
and if my life goes as I want it too,
I'll be pushed out of everyones head
Before I am even dead

And I want it that way

**** and beer
Are much cheaper
Than a ****** therapist

I feel so sequatious today
Walking in Ohio rain
As it pours down upon a melancholy soul
The drops are racing down my skin
Washing away all my sin
Keep me from growing old

I feel so fresh
Like I could escape death
If his hand reached for me
I taste youth upon my breath
I’m beyond refreshed
Rain pours down, eternally