Living life,
Kicking rocks
****** weather,
Wet socks

Lonely walks,
Dusk falls,
Wind blows,
Earths call.

I'm a walking contradiction.
Most of the time, my heart is filled with joy.
I want to give unto others as they have given unto me.
I want to do good deeds and let my presence exude peaceful air.
Yet, I find it so easy to engross myself in hateful thoughts.
I feel malice run deeply in my veins.
It scorches my insides and leaves permanent burn scars that can't be undone.
I'm always going against the grain.
I get the urge to stomp on the flowers I just stopped to smell.
It's a difficult feeling to put into words.
Trying to hard to be good, then, out of reflex lashing out at nothing.

What does one do, when they don't feel whole?
How does one cope with a loss worse than death?
At least death is a certain, uncompromising finale.
You leaving has left me wondering, thinking to myself
About what I could have done to make you stay,
Or words I could have said to change your mind.
But I think the worst of it all,
Is knowing that no amount of pretty poems,
Or whimsical wishes upon dead stars,
*will ever bring you back to me.

Being alone is strangely freeing.
Now that you're gone, I have no one to answer to.
No one texting me constantly to see what I'm doing
And where I am and who I'm with.

Being alone is a cage with no bars.
I have all the time in the world and no one to share it with.
I'll watch a beautiful sunset, and try to pass my cigarette
To the outline of a woman that isn't there anymore.
Though your shadow still casts next to mine on my roof.

Being alone is enlightening.
With no idle chit chat to fill the air
My thoughts can now smoke out a room.
Every situation is either dreadfully awful or benevolently warm.
There is certainly a struggle for balance.

Being alone is stupefying.
I become so engrossed in myself I forget the world around me exists.
My cell phone sits in my pocket, a fossil of wires and plastic.
I find it now just to be an over sized paperweight.
Most time now spent in isolated contemplation.
There's always sunshine behind my tag-a-long rain cloud.

There is strength to be gained from solitude.
I now fully bare the weight of my unobstructed conscience.
My once feeble legs carry on like the hooves of the ox.
Once cold, I am now warm and inviting.
I greet each day with open arms and humble spirit.

Life is okay.
Even if I have to experience it alone,
Sometimes, it's not a bad thing.
I feel the warmth.

I'm living in a paradox,
With rain clouds hanging over me
I'll lock my soul within a box,
Along with all my misery,
We just fell off, now all is lost
We couldn't live in synergy,
Simply left to shivering,
Because it's so **** cold without you.