I want to ask God why he made heartbreak feel like a heart attack
Why I feel sharp pains radiating from my chest -
All the way to my fingertips
In short bursts
The pain liquefying into numbing dust
I feel the aching up through my neck -
Into my ears
My eyes start to water -
Not with tears
Almost like dirt had been blown into my face
I lose feeling in my legs
And the air dissipates from my lungs
All from seeing a half empty carton of raspberries in my refrigerator

I fixed your tie today
Today you wore a tie
I placed my hand upon your knee
And tried hard not to cry
We made promises to promise
And I thanked God that you can walk
We drank smoothies in the parking lot
And talked
And talked

When the dust has settled and
The ashes scattered,
When the sound has all died out and
The leaves are left dry to crunch underfoot and
The doors to our homes are neither open nor
Closed but rotted to the ground where
They used to stand,
I'll still be sitting by my tent with my
Lone guitar, looking across the fire
Into your eyes focused on the
Mountains behind me, and
I don't think there's a single ******* thing
That could make me ever look back.

I wish you were here to ease the tension in my stomach
And kiss away my headache
But every word you say to me is as sweet as potatoes and molasses
And just by looking at a picture of you -
I feel all else evaporate
And I know
It never has to come back

I just woke up
Curled in the smallest ball
Shivering underneath all my blankets
Tears still wet on my face
But you're still asleep
While I am awake

I just woke up
Looked at my phone and saw
That you hadn't called
I want to get out of this place
But you're still asleep
While I am awake

I just woke up
And everything crumbled around me
I feel sick and miserable
What kind of mess did I make
That you're still asleep
But I am awake

The more I make you hate me
The more I hate myself

Every word you say is perfect
I feel like I cannot deserve it
You kiss me gently, never fearing
That it isn't true what I am hearing
Your breathless laughing
Your heavy breathing
Your promise to keep me happy
Always keeping
Me by your side
And never further
You are the proof
That words
Can be perfect