******* for loving me and leaving me anyway
******* for bettering me and being good on your own
******* for needing me less than I need you
******* for having dreams that aren't me
*******'re talent
*******'re bigger picture
*******'re I'm hurting too
******* for being the best thing in my life and then leaving like they always have and always will.

Trouble mind I have
I seek problems
I fail to solve them
I just run away.

I seek the good to
Make it bad.

My pleasure is misery . My lust is the bad . What a trouble mind I have

Sundays
come in two flavors-
hallelujah
and goody powder

goody powders
go down easier
with flavored water

not the **** variety
but strawberry
or cherry

wall clock
goes ****
****
where's my ****

hallelujah-
FIRE

r ~ 9/7/14

think your worst thought

and throw it deep in the pines
to get caught on the vines

then go there at night
when the light of a bone
colored moon makes shadows
rattle and bite

and hold that thought

tight.

r ~ 9/11/14

Dear You,

     I hope your day is wonderful. I want all of your days to be wonderful. I want you to wake up and smell roses, or dance in the rain, or be able to look in the mirror and just smile. I want you to know that someday you will make someone so incredibly happy, and that you'll be their whole world. I want you to know that you are incredible. You're perfectly imperfect. You're so special.

     I want you to know that you're my happiness. And I know that we are just friends and that I shouldn't feel the way that I feel because you couldn't feel the way that I feel and it isn't fair for me to even think that we could be anything other than friends, but I think about you all the time. I dream about you every night. You're the first thought when I wake up in the morning, and you're the my final prayer every evening.

     I want you to know that I am completely aware that this could never be anything at all. You aren't interested, and it has nothing to do with me but with my gender. No matter how many drunken nights you say otherwise, you will wake up sober and only want a woman. And I want you to want me all the time.

     I want you to know that I'm okay with that, because there is absolutely nothing else I can do. I can't change who I am to please you, and I would never want to anyway. I want you for who you are, and I want you all  the time.

     I want you to know that I would love you unconditionally, that I would give the world to you, all wrapped in a little bow if it would make you smile- God, I love your smile.

    I want you to know that in this whole wide world there are 7 billion people, and each and every individual is beautiful in their own unique way. In this world there are 7 billion different faces with different personalities, all of which will fall in love, smile, fall out of love, hurt, and fall in love with a different person all over again.

     I want you to know that within those 7 billion people there is only one you, and you are perfectly imperfect. You are the only person I want. I could spend the rest of my days looking at your face and that would be okay. I don't need an incredible life with fame and fortune, because having you would be the most fortunate thing.

     And I want you to know that even though you'll never want me, you are all I've ever wanted.

COLORED CHILD AT CARNIVAL

Where is the Jim Crow section
On this merry-go-round,
Mister, cause I want to ride?
Down South where I come from
White and colored
Can't sit side by side.
Down South on the train
There's a Jim Crow car.
On the bus we're put in the back--
But there ain't no back
To a merry-go-round!
Where's the horse
For a kid that's black?