Recently,
I posted a picture
of my bare feet
walking in the rain
with the hashtag
numb.

The thing is that the picture got a few likes
but no one knew what the real message was
hidden behind my bare feet.

Home
has made me numb
to sadness,
the police,
true care
and generosity,
creating the facade that
blocks me from the world.

Boarding school
has made me numb
to grades,
fear,
anxiety,
slowly stacking the bricks
to complete my facade.

I would like to say
that something broke my facade
or took down some bricks,
but it only continues to build
so I end this poem in hope
that the weight off my chest
lifts at some point.
That the connections I lose to my facade
find their way back together.
That the relationships that drift away
can be replaced.
That the self doubt and self hatred
can be eliminated.
That the need to build a complete facade
has ceased.
But for now, I am stuck
in a constant
numbness.

walking outside alone
on the sidewalk
in the woods
the city streets
in the country
makes you one of the billion
human beings
on the loose

when melodies I hashed up
in the past pass by my lips
sudden images surface
hips, finger tips
who I was, who I've become
since you made me your biggest
someone
then used your mouth like a gun
breath as bullets
for your Colt .45 breakup
I think my fingers were
on the trigger
I was the one who pulled it
so I lay down my guitar
with a sigh beggining deep inside
then rub my eyes
shove aside thoughts that make me die
hydrate my hate for change
by hitting play on songs
you listened to
it's true, though I'm blue
and still haven't a clue
wether I ever really
loved
you