There's a dark wolf
behind my heart--
licking chops
ready to feast on the future
and guzzle the night nectar of what will be.
His smokey wings agape,
drawn to fly in to the moon's uvula.
The ash black fur smells of burnt strawberries.

A pale bobcat spectre leans
behind my mind...
smells like a gin bath...
       looks over its shoulder
longingly gazing into the murk-muck,
     that is.... the past.
Lavender eyes, and patterns of dirt
     on its sopping cold fur.

And here I am,
between the two...
a silent meditative fox
under the cherry blossom,
the breezy moment twirls the desert red fur,
nature's hum drums and strums the heart
as it grows into a lotus reaching for the  burning sun.

Firstly, I'd just like to say: *******.


*******.
*******.
*******.
*******, *******.

You are the only ******* one who knows a ******* thing about me
You are the only one who I ever believed really loved me

*******.

Did you really think that after all these years and all this-- that because I wasn't going to be yours-- that you could leave me?
Don't you understand,
Just because I'm better alone and ****** up
Doesn't mean you can leave me?

And everyone here thinks I'm a total ****-up
And the ones who stick around just think that I'm funny or they like the idea of me & bedsheets and I hate them for it
      Backwards and ****** up and completely too emotional,        do you miss me?

      ******* and I miss you.


I wanted to tell you,       my favourite person in the world can't remember my name anymore
She's spent the last month that you've spent forgetting everything about me, trying to remember anything about me

I wanted to tell you,            because you once would mend these things
Now it seems you're the one hammering the nails in


I'm exhausted now but under my breath I'm still muttering,      slowly, "*******."

You're the only friend I ever had and now you take my soft-spoken,     heart-broken,     tear-soaked apologies and you say,      "*******."?


Here and now I'm utterly alone in the dark      thinking of all the times you saved me from it
And how you just left     because I couldn't love you     like we both wanted me to

Of all people and things,      I never thought you'd be my executioner

well, 1:59 am
old friend, here you are again
and here i am
caffeine coursing through my body
and keeping me upright, in tune with
the time zones
as i wait for 2 o’clock
and i have so many words
(2 am, there you are)
to write, but at this hour
i can never tell what order to put them in
so my poetry, my thoughts
are muddled
but whatever, i guess we all have those moments
those 2: 01 am moments
where the world makes so much sense
and you want to scream it out the window
to the population of the universe:
i understand! i get it now, at 2:02 in the morning
i understand everything, ask me anything
and i will fix it for you, answer your doubts
all-knowing, at 2:03 am
sitting solitary in the dark,
typing out nonsense
and thinking it means something
but hey, at least i got enlightenment
out of this experience, some realization
because seriously
i think i get it now
but of course, at some point
i will go to sleep
and when i wake up
the revelation will have disappeared
sunk back into the deep, into the dark
into the 2:04 am of my heart
and i will have to wait, counting down
until i can feel like this again
all-knowing and calm
powerful, small and unashamed
and i will wait up, time and time again
eyes flickering back and forth
until i can say
hey there, 2:05 am
how i have missed you

I want to scatter
little pieces of us
all across this city
so it never forgets
where our love
has touched

The floor is dr i i i pping black tar and the air is the bottom of a grease trap
the wind outside sounds... heavy.
it seems air has lost its weightlessness and now everything is being pulled
d
    o
       w
          n

and i look at that typed cliché and i think
"there's no other way"
because weight reigns and it's so heavy it pulls
and structure and pause mean more than what's been said before because   what hasn't?

Feels like i'm pacing back in forth in my mind but i can't help but stumbling
and every time i do, i end up sat on the ground of my consciousness hugging my knees thinking STOP.

because they told me only a belief in their God can get me into heaven but listen,      i don't even believe in myself

and I'm sorry but may your **** ******* you for being so irreverent to my irrelevance
and I whisper to myself, ******* him for being so ego-centrical    that even now when i can't believe in anything I'm waiting for a lightening bolt to strike me down because I question old teachings
and I get it

Listen, I see the good and the bad
the yin and the yang of the Christian dimensions

Listen, I get it

but do you think hell is dark?

because the light's been giving me these sickening migraines and I break every time
yes i  b r e a k  every time
so leave me in the dark
so i stay as whole as i can while i'm here

but listen, i know i could use your prayers
because if he's up there
he should know i don't fear the light
it just plays tricks on civilizations
and i never trust a magician

awoke startled from a dream.
wiped out instantly.
except for the final sensory of
being a young lion cub
being lifted up from behind,
my fur, my neck
in between teeth
helpless.

a full color film
of a significant duration
erased near complete,
except for the knowledge
that there was one,
well developed.

woke to write this
before I lost it too.

dreams disappear fast
for they blur the boundary
between truths and
our fantasies.

what could be more dangerous
to confront?