When you're mad at me I drive slower than I normally would even though we're not saying a word to each other; just to be there with you, for as long as possible, to feel that emotional consciousness between us; even to feel that tense love that we have had for quite a while now.

I write you love letters & tape them to the bottom of your bed once a month, that way, however long it takes for you to find them, when you finally do, your eyes will have never witnessed a garden of sunflowers so breathtaking before; a garden of my emotions; a garden of our story.

I buy you things that I won't ever give to you because I know you would love them, but I also know how you hate when I spend money on you.

I tell everyone I meet that I have a diamond waiting for me back home. What they don't know is that you're actually a gold mine. A pure, beautifully sanctioned, gold mine.

I stare at you for hours on end while you sleep so elegantly next to me, because every rose should always be noticed, & every star in the galaxy needs to be appreciated.

I plan out cute dates for us in excruciating details, & only plan to take you on each of them once a year, because I know we can make it that long, I know it.

I secretly record your voice every now & then, & play it on loop so I can fall asleep to the most delicately astounding sound this world has ever come across. Your voice is my clarity. Your voice reminds me of all the reasons why i'm not religious.

I sometimes sing in the shower, but only the last song that played before you got out of the car. Every song reminds me of your voice & everything always brings my mind back to the thought of you. My mind is like a wandering dog,  he may be able to venture out for some time, but sooner or later he always comes back to the thing he knows best.

I write songs for you daily but am afraid that if I show them to you & you know my fully untouched feelings about you then all you would see me as is what I really am, weak.

I have a journal that is filled with ways to tell you that I love you without actually ever saying a word.
The entire journal is blank, because there is no way to express my love for you in words or any sort of physical symbolism.

You see, my love for you goes unnoticed, but that's okay because the way you tell me that I have galaxies under my eyelids & the way you stare at me while we watch Gossip Girl is why I don't care if you know I love you or not; I don't even care if you love me or not; all I care about is that you're still breathing in the morning & that you're still mine every night.

The clock in your room is stuck on 6:46 p.m. & I think that's all the time I need to fall in love with you.

It didn't take much time for me to realize that your laugh was sweeter than every bakery in northern california , & that your teeth are whiter than my favorite sweater, & the dresses you wear could rehabilitate a ******* addict in the matter of minutes, & your favorite song is the same song that we were listening to when we decided that we're better off together than apart, & that walk that you have when you're wearing your favorite outfit could cure my severe illness for good.
It didn't take much time for me to realize that 2+2 could only add up to equal you;
that everything in the long run always added up to equal you.

Time is a funny thing when all of it is spent with you,
with your humor,
your simple sarcasm,
your addictive tickles,
your favoring voice,
your stupidly stimulating conversations,
your cold yet inviting arms,
your masterpiece of a body,
your god-like heart,
& most importantly your vivacious patience with me.

Life is all about time, trial and error, & taking chances;
& frankly
you were the best chance I ever took,
the best broken clock I could have ever spent all of my time with,
& the best error I never made.

You never see a tree actually grow but you know that it constantly is growing;
You never see your tire blow out when you're on the highway hitting 90 but you know when it does;
You never see the world actually spinning but you know that you are never standing still;
You never see her falling in love with you but you know that she constantly is;
You never see yourself dying every time she looks into your eyes but you know that you are wearing out faster & faster each & every time your eyes make contact with each other.

I never saw you actually leave but I know you had left me months before I ever noticed you were gone.

& on that note, I would just like to say one thing:

Just because you never saw me trying to make you fall in love with me doesn't mean I never tried,
& just because the world seems more exciting & tempting than my arms, doesn't mean they deserve you more than I do,
& just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean we're still not in love with each other,
& just because you never think about me anymore doesn't mean that i'm out of your life for good,
& just because your eyes don't cry my name out anymore & your body doesn't crave my touch, doesn't mean that this world is going to stop spinning just for me & that the plants are going to cry after seeing my tears fall like meteorites to the dirt floor.

& the last thing I will ever really tell you before you never speak to me again is:

I'm sorry I tried so hard,
for you deserve someone that would not just try, but do.
I'm sorry I loved you so hard,
for you deserve someone that would take a bullet for you & not just be the one with the gun.
I'm sorry I made you my world,
for you deserve someone that could show you off to the world, not just make you into one.
I'm sorry I never tried harder,
for you deserve someone that would go to the end of the universe just to get you the last glass of water you will ever take a sip from.
I'm sorry I argued so much,
for you deserve a gentlemen that would show you the ropes of conversation, not light fire to every word you say.
I'm sorry I considered you my heaven,
for you deserve someone that not only worships you, but dies every time you speak & melts to muck right as your toes dip into the pool.

Just because life has gotten dull & people are now just metaphors for cloudy days, doesn't mean that this rain is constantly going to be falling on my umbrella & making me think of all the times your fingers pushed my hair out of my face during a thunderstorm;
& just because I wrote this for you, doesn't mean you will ever read it.