an absent father
a drug addict mother
an orphan in the states eyes...

why doesn’t my father want me?
why does my mother love drugs
more than she loves me?

the flood

it stopped for a minute,
i was relieved,
also a little scared.
scared of what was to come,
but,
I longed for the waters when they were gone,
although they destroyed everything I ever knew,
i prayed that they would come back
because it was the only thing I had ever known.

when I almost gave up
the beautiful flood came rushing back
the water has almost consumed me
and I’m in love with every moment of it,
soon the water will be over my head,
and my only hope is
that you come and save me,
save me
because i am suffocating
because I can not swim without you,
because I’m willing to let this water swallow me,
because
I refuse to live without you...

no, I do not wish to die,
but I will allow myself to drown
in the flood of your love
only because
it is the most beautiful death
I could ever ask for

we laugh and joke about being toxic,
when really, most of us are still healing from our first heartbreak
your first heartbreak isn’t always from a girl or a boy friend
sometimes it’s from a mother,
or a father...
mine just so happened to be both.
my father broke my heart first, I never knew him...
as a little girl I would wonder,
“why hasn’t he reached out? does he not want me?”
sometimes I still do

Then it was my mother,
she chose drugs as her lover,
but deep down I knew she loved us more...
eventually something would have to give,
and it did... thank God.
hers, unintentional
but a heartbreak nonetheless.