I'm such a **** up.

i want you,
oh dear,
i need you.
but,
there's something
i must do and
it doesn't include



you.

and nothing is stopping me now, baby.
i know i'll have you soon enough and
i promise that this will start off right.

are you depressed?
*no, I'm fine.

there's a lot of things that don't seem to make sense to me. but you?
*you make so much sense to me that I can't even see how it'd be wrong.

i wish i could be selfish and heartless.
im sick of caring.

and I hate the way I tend to overstep boundaries, it's yet another thing I have to learn

i keep looking at the blood running down my leg and
it only made me want more.

i hate all of these promises that I've made, i'm just about
ready to break them.

baby, i know what i am and the life i live:
i sin and i sin and i sin and i sin.
don't act like we all don't know.
but there is a difference between
the sinner who works to change
and the sinner who just keeps
on sinning.

Staying or leaving?

i want to disappear into the sun and plant myself in the soil that surrounds me
i wish to grow like a flower and to hum like the bees that pollinate the world around me
i know i will be more than just a girl with flowers in her hair
i am a part of nature, i am God's creation

I'm afraid that I've been gone for a long time.

please don't tell me i ruined this too

I'm not particularly sad, but oh am I severely depressed.

the salt of the holy spirit will continue to keep me from rotting, because without it, i will surely decompose

"THERE'S A RAGING FIRE AND IT BURNS SO NEAR, BUT IM READY NOW. IM READY NOW."

God is in need of my soul
I need to be found

You let me drown

5 gone and so many
more to lose, Can I?

I am satisfied, I am content, I am living, I am breathing, I am trying my best to continue onwards while growing into the person I am meant to become, it's all I can do, it is all that I am.

You left me because it's what you said that I needed to grow,
but what I needed most in that moment was you and your love
that you stopped giving me so slowly and then all at once.
I was living off of you like you were a drug,
and I think that's why you needed to leave.
The thought of us suffocated you,
and the thought of you being without me choked me.
You pushed me headfirst into the ocean that is you and
the further you pushed me, the more I drowned.
Because we are (were?) connected,
you started drowning too.
You started coughing up water and gasping for air.
That's the worst kind of love, I think.
Believing you're the best for them, while in reality
you're the worst thing that they could ever be faced with.
You stopped helping me grow in January.
I knew it, but I couldn't face it.
I had hope for February,
after all, we had just made a year...
But even the best of times cannot overshadow
the love that had been lost during that cold, harsh month.
And March, well to hell with that month.
Everything awful usually happens in that month,
and I knew it was coming.
I was a fool in love to believe you still loved me all the same
like you did just a few months before.
I was a ******* fool to believe that you tried.
Maybe soon I'll be able to breathe,
but as for now,
I need to get out of here and to be surrounded by
stimulating minds and intelligent conversations.
I just need to get away.

"you and i, lets just go to sleep, okay?"
"okay."
"okay?"
"okay."
"i could do this all night, you know."
"as could i."
"goodnight, okay?"
"sweet dreams...okay.
"this isn't a john green book, okay?"
"okay."
"******."

I don't think real love could be phased that easily; it wouldn't be able to get taken off of the pedestal without a fight.

I've quite mastered the art of unrequited love, can't you tell?

He lurks in the back of my mind
And he makes me miss him so much more.

I wish you loved me as much as you love yourself.

I give my love fully, but it always ends up being such a waste.

I woke up feeling like I do not deserve to be this lucky, but God, I truly am so lucky.

and if for two seconds you would just stop thinking about yourself, then maybe you'd see exactly how much pain you're causing.

i'm in human error with you, do you chemical defect me?

"How are you doing, baby girl?
I miss you so much, beautiful."

last night I dreamt that
I had just enough confidence
to ask you on a date
I said "it can just be platonic"
because I just want to know you,
that's all I want to do
(I think so, at least).
You said, "yes,
Of course Rebecca!" with your goofy smile
and we rode off in your Jeep.

But now I'm back to reality and
I had asked you earlier what kind of
music you liked and you simply shrugged.
You let me go through your ITunes and
I saw that you really listened to everything.
You had every genre known to man in your phone
and that only made me like you more.
I accidentally touched your knee
and you "accidentally" got too close to me.
She said we were both flirting,
But we both denied it.
And you became all bashful
and I wanted to take your glasses off
so I could get that cute little stray eyelash on your upper cheek.
I said, "Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?"
and you quietly whispered, "me".
She and I looked at you in confusion
and you simply said, "Oh, I was talking about something I saw on my phone..."
And she said, "Sure... Stop flirting. It's weird."
And I sunk down into my chair
because I haven't even thought of him like that.
But in my dream,
It ended with a kiss, a touch.
It's almost as if his hands have already explored me.
I hope its not just a sad dream.

all of space and time is starting to leak out of my bleeding soul

I hate this feeling of being "in-between".
But I also hate my constant state of highs and low,
so I guess this is better than that.

how could I let it stay within me?

I guess heartbreak is good for the abs.

hello friend, if you so desperately want to know, all you have to do is ask.

he just wants to get away from himself, my sweet boy craves the world.

And I thought things couldn't get any worse.

and if the waves can be calm during a storm, so can i

and there's a lot of things you'll never know about this summer, but i guess its best to keep it that way. no need to dig my hole any deeper, right?

It's a taste I'd never forget.

You look like
A winter day
To me.

I love winter days.