i don't want to lose you, and yet i don't even have you

You cannot look at me
and I guess it is only fair.
I did call you a narcissistic
******* and I don't know,
the things you say make me
think of things my parents say
to me so it is only rightful of me
to automatically see that in you as well.

But you can be so wonderful.
You always say sweet words to me
and honestly I haven't felt a real love
like this in a long, long while.
Not sure where this is going,
or where we are going,
but I just want you to know that I
love you so much and I am
truly sorry.

I always did let the
Pretty girls get the
Best of me.

When you smile bright
It reminds me of
A burning ember
Throughout the night.

The fire will shine
Through the hour
And looking at you
I know you're mine.

Thinking of when
I had you here
Knowing well
I'm not who I was then.

And maybe so
You'll come by
Tell me how
To get to know.

Given up this
I'm not like
I used to be
Sometimes I miss.

and your voice sounds like heaven at 2am, but my darling I must sleep. my mind can't bear to stay awake anymore and I have much to do when I wake up.

she bought a star and named it after me
just so she could keep what
was rightfully hers in the
beginning.

“She couldn’t get any farther away inside from her skin. She couldn’t get away."

"I think I'm falling in love." She said with a slight quiver in her voice, scared of what I'd say or do next. I looked at her, I dared to ask, "Who? Who could possibly be worthy of you?" She turned around and then turned back, she looked me in the eyes with her big, beautiful blue eyes and said, "Only you." And she grabbed my face and kissed me with such passion, I think I would've passed out.


Good thing she was there to catch me.

There goes that
Fake smile again.

"It's kinda scary...you're like a pro at this. Do you not mind blood? A lot of it is coming out..."
"No, I don't mind it at all. It's kind of relaxing, if I'm being honest here."
"Sure hope you're not one of those that think that horizontal is for attention and vertical is for results."
*"Used to."

You know you're in Love
when someone catches you
looking at her from across the yard
and snaps a photo of you
gazing at her
beauty.

Daddy,
I miss you.
Alot.

don't remember the old me
she died long ago
she is not worth remembering
and guess what?
she dug your grave
for you
too.

Silence
Lets
The
Demons
In.

i am mountains and valleys of mistakes and wrongdoings,
but i am here on my knees Lord---
i am ready for You.

You remind me of
Love.
But when I'm alone in the darkness of my room
I can hear the slowing down of your
Heartbeat.
You think you aren't
Alive?
Watch me drown these pills,
Then we'll see who really is.

you say you want us to be together but
I just say I want another hit.

I let us go to far.
For to long I
Let us fall
Deep, but
I fell really.
Not so much of
You.
You watched me though,
Even though I got a few
Scratches
On the way down
I made sure to
Get back up
Because I thought you'd
Always be waiting for me.

As usual,
I was wrong.

just laughs
Like no other.
I wish she
Was mine.

You know you're
in Love when
she kisses the
tip of your nose
and you think
that every single
star in the known
Universe was made
in her image.

i would still die for you
even
        though
im
           already
                


                              *dead

He said that he hopes you burn in Hell,
I told him that all I wish is for you to be well.

I think I'm fine
With being who I am.
lesbian!
I'm scared someone will shout.
But, even if they do
I'll keep my head high
Because I've been through too
Much
To let something so
Small
Bring me

                 Down.

My split ends
Reminds me of
The cracks in
My heart.
They're spidery webs
That keep forming
By the demons
That pull away
All hope
For something more.

I just want everything to be blown away, so that hopefully this won't get ruined by the debris, too.

Everybody keeps asking if I'm okay,
Except for you.
You truly don't care,
And that's what hurts the most.
Yes, you love me,
But you don't know how to show it anymore.
Want to know how many times I've cried in the past few days?
Just come look at me for more than two ******* seconds.
Want to know how I'm dealing with this pain?
Im just watching my own heart tear into two while you don't care.
How many text messages have you sent to him in the past few days?
More than our 10 text conversation last night, definitely.
And he's not the problem, it's not about him. It's about you.
Because every single thing has to be about you.
You may not realize it, but it does.
How many times have I been told in the past few days "Leave her, you'll be happier"?
More than the amount of texts you've sent me.
But will I listen to them?
Honestly, i don't know.
Because every time i try to talk to you, You sleep.
And every time I ask to be by you, you say no.
And every time I want to have time to kiss you, you say "I'm taking the stairs".
And every single ******* time I say "I love you", I hear you voice go up to say a measly "I love you". When your voice goes up, it's as if you're telling a lie or saying something without its true meaning anymore. You might think you're good at lying, but you can't hide from me.
Just...do me a favor. Tell me. Tell me you aren't happy. Tell me you don't want to be with me anymore. Tell me, just tell me. I'm losing you and I don't know what to do. You're my love...you're my heart.
I just don't want you to be unhappy. I've cried so much... And every time you ******* off or break your promises or words, I fall apart again and again inside.
Just tell me. Please.

I realized that
I'm a terrible friend.
All I do is fall in love with them and
Ruin our friendships.
I should probably stop that
But it's because I get to close to someone and
Mistake their friendly love
For
Something... More.

I guess all I'm saying is that I'm sorry.

your hands on me feel about as right and equally as wrong as my taste for both women and men is.

I remember what happened as we watched this movie,
and the many other movies we shared together.
But there will always been new movies,
And there will always been new people.
But that doesn't mean I won't miss what we had
And what we shared together.

God, you've always been a
Part of my life.
I used to dream about heaven and
Pray to Him every night.

A few weeks ago, I thought of what a waste
That time was.

But lately, I keep thinking that maybe it wouldn't hurt to
Talk to him again.
Maybe he can help me.

and here i am
back again
thinking of his hands.
a rush,
a shiver,
i know what this means.
i only take what i can
stand.

his tongue moves
in ways,
a bend.
i can feel him in my
bones.

its been hours
and I'm still here
wondering if he is my
home.

Yes, I, myself, am lovesick.
I am honest to God sick of love.
Does that make sense?
Love makes me sick in every single way,
And as my skin burns and my bones ache
Because of it, I learn that love is a sickness that
You'll just get over one day.

I've been watching my calories lately,
I've had 395 today.
Which, I will maybe go try and
Burn some off cause
I want to be able to
Eat dinner tonight.

i considered you mine
but you never were,
were you?

Every night I
Go to sleep
With tears r
                    o
                      l
                       l
                        i
                         n
                           g
Down my face.
I think about all of
The things I've done
Wrong and even about
Why I shouldn't be alive.

I've been trying to go to
Sleep earlier and earlier
Each night just so I could
Escape the world a little but
Longer and even get the
Crying done with
Earlier.

Flashes of you go round and round in my mind--
Wisps of hair and the shine of the moonlight on your skin--
the sounds that escaped your mouth and
the way your back arched in the dark--
Words that you've said, or even lack thereof--
The love that held us together, even when things hurt too much--
And the end... the end where I shook with
sadness and fear of the oblivion that
you threw me into.

Will you remember the tears that ran down my face
and the words, *"Just one day more, please?"

I like being alone,
No really I do.
I'm content
even though
I dont have a future
With you.

I'm so confused,
I'm drowning.

she asked me
"what is so
horrible
in your teenage life
that you feel the need
to **** yourself?"
to be honest,
i'm not even sure
anymore.

the list kept growing and
i got tired of keeping score.

He never loved
Me
He never even cared.
The looks were all artificial,
The way he acted and
Stared.