i've slowly crept to the edge of insanity
there is no going back
i'm staring into the abyss
of what i'll never be and never have

i think i'm wounded
i think i might be bleeding
i think i am as good as dead

i think i've lost the ability
to tell what's real and what's not
i don't think i can think
but sure as hell i'm lost

and wild rivers of blood
flow underneath
my transparent skin
i once almost drowned
the feeling's akin

i long for relief
i long for that sort
of peaceful redemption
i'm tired of grief
so where's my salvation?

razor-sharp edges
gleam through the dark
my skin is itching
as i fall apart

rivers are flowing
on old wooden boards
another soul broken
so where is your god?

I will wait for you till my hair turns grey.
I will wait for you as long as it takes.
I’ll be here, patiently waiting for you,
oh, my love, and I will make it through.

I remember your touch
and your voice
and your scent.
I remember how we met -
this day, my love, I shall never forget.

You’re everywhere I go,
in every shadow, and your name I call.
But please remember, love,
I will wait for you.

I will wait for you in life and death.
I will wait till everything fades,
until the end of time itself,
I will wait for you, my love.
I swear I’ll wait.
You held my hand,
you whispered my name,
you healed my scars
and I promise I’ll wait.

Closed doors.
Drawn curtains.
***** sheets
and humid air.

Two tangled bodies.
Two souls
as one.

The dying sun
caressing
bare skin
and twined fingers.

Shared looks
and shared secrets.
And a kiss.
‘I love you’s whispered
in muffled voices.
His heartbeat
is her lullaby.

Every shadow, every scent,
every sound and every flash of light
remind me of you

though you’re gone,
though you’re dead.
I’m crying for help.
I’m praying for salvation.

Save my immortal soul;
it’s broken, hurt,
depleted.
I want to be dying.

For you’re gone,
and I’ve forgotten how to breathe,
oh, my long lost love,
and I don’t want to remember.
Save my heart
for it’s destroyed
and it is bleeding.
It’s screaming for you
to be here,
to hold it.

I don’t want to live
when you are gone
but I still wander
waiting for you
to be mine again.

In death.

You left me
helpless,
burning,
longing.

You left me
restless,
hurting,
struggling to breathe.

You left me
broken,
crying,
reaching out for you.

You left me
all alone
calling your name
in the storm.

You left me
in the dark
lonely and scared,
to fight my demons
on my own.
You left me
and I’m no longer alive.
Turning and tossing
and looking for you in my sleep.

You left me,
I’m a shadow,
just an empty shell,
a ghost, a zombie.

I don’t resemble
who I used to be.
You were who I was.
Now there’s only me.

You were my home.
You left me homeless,
screaming your name
and praying for death.                  

10.02.2013

I'm not simple.

I am January - cold and grey and ugly.
I am February - short and dark and gloomy.
I am March - fierce and complicated and bipolar.
I am April - warm and sweet and full of colour.
I am May - sunny and blooming and frenzied.
I am June - the scent of summer and hope and the feeling of freedom.
I am July - the burning sun and the sand beneath your toes and the sun in your hair.
I am August - the sea waves crushing against you and the lazy shade underneath a tree and the grass tickling your feet.
I am September - pouring rain and gales and the fog creeping in.
I am October - red and brown and orange, the crunching of dry leaves and that the darkness that's falling.
I am November - distant and lonely and drowning.
I am December - the frost on the windows and the gentle snowflakes, and the dunes of snow, and the freezing coldness, I am December - decaying.

I am not simple. A little complicated, messy.
Can you take me?